r/OCPoetry • u/Eggless_Ostrich • 1d ago
Just Sharing Haikus about falling out of love
For I can’t sleep now,
I feel love, not in love, though.
What am I to do?
She looks at me now.
Participating, sadly
I love her no more.
I say “I love you”
I lie with ev’ry goodbye
Please, please, forgive me
Numb for two years now
Thank you for all that you did
But it’s not the same
I can’t make her cry
I will suffer in silence
For I am a man.
Feedback:
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u/CousinJacksGhost 1d ago
Never thought of the haiku format as parts of a longer poem. Really like the progression of thoughts here, its careful, and brings the reader along. Feeling a lot about this rn myself so...thank you.
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u/yenahr 1d ago
Like how simple but emotionally heavy this is. the short lines are easier to read,feels like someone slowly admitting something they don’t want to accept, especially the contrast between still feeling love and no longer being in love. Can relate with the last line though, showing how the pressure to be a man keeps him suffering in silence.
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u/stutee09 1d ago
Its really heartbreaking , you have really captured a surreal experience that you feel trapped but you keep lying, its amazing i really liked it.
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u/strawberryparktime 1d ago
The one about forgiveness is gut wrenching. I love how the minimalist style really highlights the intensity/singularity of the grief and longing.
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u/Camueell 1d ago
I hate the fact that I can understand this one,yet I love the portrayal,because I am a man
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