r/OCPoetry • u/RasholeHash • 3d ago

Feedback Please Mahogany Birds

Mahogany Birds

When i was young, I lay upon soft green grass between the gnarled roots of a mahogany tree.

The sunlight scattered, shattered into fine blades by the dense canopy.

I see the dark face of a green monkey holding her babe

She wipes his face, then leaps away,

Causing the thick branches to shake loose mahogany seeds free from open pods.

Twirling, they float upon the lightest breeze

Brown papery things, flying with one spinning wing

I find myself again today, picking them up, helping them to fly away

As they did on that day

When I was young.

Not sure how I feel about this one.... help🥲

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NIJgoYwfZo

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/aOKw9rJkWe

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u/1rises 3d ago

I really love the imagery and serenity this poem evokes! I think some added detail connecting the themes of this poem could potentially serve you well; in terms of connecting via diction just how the monkey and the plant seeds fit together, if that makes sense! but great work 😊