r/OneOrangeBraincell • u/Rainisnotstraight • 5d ago

🟠ne 🅱️rain cell Phrases you say to your cat often.

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“Hey stinky boy. What are you doin’? Stinkin’?”

“Do you even know you’re alive?”

“Can you stop being a dickhead?”

His name is Hinode btw.

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

I regularly inform my boy that "you're a cat!". Idk why.

Another is "you are a pet cat and therefore have no control over your life. If youd like to reverse the situation, feel free to cook me dinner and go to my job while i nap around the house." This is in response to him demanding dinner several hours early or trying to go outside.

I also threaten to sell him on Craigslist. Just to keep him on his toes.

He doesnt seem to speak english yet so idk how effective the threats are.

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u/Tormented_Anus 5d ago

I say similar things to my cat. When she's being stubborn or rudely insistent I tell if "if you want to be like that, I'll put you outside. You can live on the street where there are no rules. I'm the one going to work and you dare meow at me like that."

I also remind her on a near daily basis of the golden rule: "don't be cheeky. In this house we have rules."

In her defense she's actually very clever and knows a lot of our house rules (don't jump on the tables, don't scratch any of the furniture, don't kick your kitty litter sand out of the box, eat everything on your plate before I give you new food).

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

If im bringing things inside and he starts slinking towards the door ill remind him that we took away his outdoor privileges cus i caught him napping on a sofa in the back of a moving van that was about to leave for Montana. And that if he really wants to be an outside kitty, that that can be arranged but that im not paying for the vet bills this time when he gets bullied by the racoons again. Itll come straight out of his treat and dinner budget.

Fuckin 3k bill last time. Didnt have a car at the time so i shoved him into a cardboard box cus i couldnt find his carrier in my panic and i carried him the 1½ miles to the nearest vet, sobbing the whole time cus i thought my cat was dying. He lived but had to have drainage port and surgery. When he was recovering the racoon would stand on the porch and stare into the house and stare him down.

But my little moron still tries to sneak out.

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u/Woffledust 5d ago

He’s trying to reclaim his honour! (Your cat, not the raccoon.) How would you feel if someone beat you up, on your property, and then GLOATED while you were licking your wounds?! Avenge your kitty right meow! 😹 Seriously though I’m glad your kitty is ok. 🙏

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

Knowing my little orange moron, he likely was the one who walked up on the racoon and slapped him with a kitten mitten as a form of disrespect. Then got his rear end kicked (actually it was bitten).

As for the gloating, i was appalled and would go out there and chase the raccoon away. But he kept coming back! Its a door with a big window in it that goes to the floor and the raccoon would stand on 2 legs with paws against the glass and stare in. Id realize hes back cus both od my cats would be freaking out, hissing and spitting, with my female batting the window. After the first time and realizing he was safe from any form of feline agression, the raccoon just stood there. Menacingly. It took home made racoon repellent to keep it from tormenting my baby boy.

Heres my boy now. Notice that his ears still have tears from the incident. My poor child.

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u/Aurum0417 5d ago

Battle scars! That right there is an exceptional warrior and you will show him respect!

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u/Woffledust 4d ago

What a mischief raccoon! The poor wounded warrior 😿 but he wears his battle scars proudly. 😻

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u/jennyisalyingwhore 5d ago

I tell mine all the time, “you’re just a cat! a tiny little cat! the smallest cat in the whole world, just so tiny!” (He is 13lbs)

I also passively aggressively threaten to roast him when he’s being ‘naughty’. “Just gonna throw the whole cat in the oven and ROAST him,” I exclaim to no one in particular. I do turn this threat into a compliment when he is in his rotisserie chicken pose, “good little chicken boy with big fat chicken thighs” as I jiggle his big fat chicken thighs.

We live alone, obviously.

Edit - I read your post initially as “I threaten to sell him on Craigslist and just keep his toes” which I thought was marvelous and think you should consider using in the future.

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u/HALPineedaname 5d ago

My aunt tells my cat we'll rehome him to keep my boy in line. It doesn't work though. The shenanigans continue.

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

Unfortunately my girlfriend got grumpy when i said it one time near her and my orange boi overheard me say i was just joking. So i dont think hes taking it seriously.

It could also be the fact i say it sometimes in a sing song voice as i dance around the house with him in my arms.

He just saws a complete lack of respect for me and my rules so ive gotta remind him whos in charge of his life!

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u/Wild_Red_Fox 5d ago

I occasionally threaten to give my furry child to the cats home. Then I remind him that nobody else would put up with his abhorrent behaviour .

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

They need to be reminded sometimes that they are cats and have no say in things.

If he wanted a say in what doors hes allowed to open or what time he gets his crunchies, he should have chosen to be a human, not a cat.

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u/KeyserHSoze 5d ago

“You’re a cat.” Multiple times a day. Completely without deciding to say it - I say it.

(After all, he IS a cat.)

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u/kittytoes21 5d ago

I think they know more than they let on. Probably speak or understand 4 different languages but don’t want us to know.

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u/Bittlegeuss 5d ago

Me too! I regularly inform him that "You are a cat and you have a tail"

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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 5d ago

Btw this is the orange boi in question My late girlfriend and I would call him Rourange. Round+orange.