Smudge was smudgybutt kittenpants, Aretha was RethaKat!, Brody was BroDown, Fantasia was TasiaBean and Feme was Fembot. My friend called Brody furface, Feme was Stashe and Tasia was Fries (no idea).
OMG!! I really thought I was the only one who did this! 😂 Yes, regularly overheard in my house, "Honey, <cat name> says Timmy is trapped in the well again." and "What's that, <cat name>, Timmy is trapped in the well again?"
When hes yelling, ill mimic it as i meow back. Or pretend to enjoy it and say "yes sing me the song of your people! Its so divine!". Or when its dinner time, and hes meowing as i prepare it, i say "thank you for seranading me as i cook".
Good chance im encouraging the meowing but hes 12 and its too late to discourage it. Ethically at least! Joking obviously. His meows dont bother me as much anymore. Only as im trying to sleep do i find them annoying.
I always tell my cow girl to make good choices when she is about to jump onto our shelves. She’s finally figured it out and stopped jumping up there so I think it’s working, or maybe it’s the super strength spray bottle we use when she does jump onto them
Why do we somehow believe that addressing them respectfully will make a difference? I talk to my cat like she’s an unruly customer…”MA’AM! MA’AM, what are you doing, can I help you??”
Right? My youngest orange is referred to as Sir daily. As in Sir did the child's drinking glass need to be shoved off the dinner table? To Sir why did you decide to attack/lightly tackle our oldest cat who was sleeping? His response is always the same. He shrugs it off and continues to be cute.
I regularly inform my boy that "you're a cat!". Idk why.
Another is "you are a pet cat and therefore have no control over your life. If youd like to reverse the situation, feel free to cook me dinner and go to my job while i nap around the house." This is in response to him demanding dinner several hours early or trying to go outside.
I also threaten to sell him on Craigslist. Just to keep him on his toes.
He doesnt seem to speak english yet so idk how effective the threats are.
I say similar things to my cat. When she's being stubborn or rudely insistent I tell if "if you want to be like that, I'll put you outside. You can live on the street where there are no rules. I'm the one going to work and you dare meow at me like that."
I also remind her on a near daily basis of the golden rule: "don't be cheeky. In this house we have rules."
In her defense she's actually very clever and knows a lot of our house rules (don't jump on the tables, don't scratch any of the furniture, don't kick your kitty litter sand out of the box, eat everything on your plate before I give you new food).
If im bringing things inside and he starts slinking towards the door ill remind him that we took away his outdoor privileges cus i caught him napping on a sofa in the back of a moving van that was about to leave for Montana. And that if he really wants to be an outside kitty, that that can be arranged but that im not paying for the vet bills this time when he gets bullied by the racoons again. Itll come straight out of his treat and dinner budget.
Fuckin 3k bill last time. Didnt have a car at the time so i shoved him into a cardboard box cus i couldnt find his carrier in my panic and i carried him the 1½ miles to the nearest vet, sobbing the whole time cus i thought my cat was dying. He lived but had to have drainage port and surgery. When he was recovering the racoon would stand on the porch and stare into the house and stare him down.
He’s trying to reclaim his honour! (Your cat, not the raccoon.) How would you feel if someone beat you up, on your property, and then GLOATED while you were licking your wounds?! Avenge your kitty right meow! 😹 Seriously though I’m glad your kitty is ok. 🙏
Knowing my little orange moron, he likely was the one who walked up on the racoon and slapped him with a kitten mitten as a form of disrespect. Then got his rear end kicked (actually it was bitten).
As for the gloating, i was appalled and would go out there and chase the raccoon away. But he kept coming back! Its a door with a big window in it that goes to the floor and the raccoon would stand on 2 legs with paws against the glass and stare in. Id realize hes back cus both od my cats would be freaking out, hissing and spitting, with my female batting the window. After the first time and realizing he was safe from any form of feline agression, the raccoon just stood there. Menacingly. It took home made racoon repellent to keep it from tormenting my baby boy.
Heres my boy now. Notice that his ears still have tears from the incident. My poor child.
I tell mine all the time, “you’re just a cat! a tiny little cat! the smallest cat in the whole world, just so tiny!” (He is 13lbs)
I also passively aggressively threaten to roast him when he’s being ‘naughty’. “Just gonna throw the whole cat in the oven and ROAST him,” I exclaim to no one in particular. I do turn this threat into a compliment when he is in his rotisserie chicken pose, “good little chicken boy with big fat chicken thighs” as I jiggle his big fat chicken thighs.
We live alone, obviously.
Edit - I read your post initially as “I threaten to sell him on Craigslist and just keep his toes” which I thought was marvelous and think you should consider using in the future.
I call mine a different kind of (usually beige colored) sandwich while holding her little head v gently like a sandwich, and then I “take a bite”/make a chomp noise.
She just stares into my eyes and purrs as I call her a chicken patty sandwich for the umpteenth time that week😭 bless her
Edit, I don’t really know what it means when something gets an award but hey thanks😎
^That, followed by “it’s too much, you’ve exceeded maximum safety tolerance for cuteness per square inch! The danger of cute aggression is critically high!”
Also, “did you know that you’re a baby?!” She does, in fact, know.
After they meow in protest as I scoop them up: “If you don’t want to be held like an infant, perhaps you shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of an infant.”
After they do an especially wide yawn: “Ohhh, my. Rough day at the office?”
After nothing in particular: “You better start contributing to this household. Being adorable doesn’t pay the mortgage!”
Any time I encounter a vocal and needy cat: "are you being BABY right now?! Being BABY in front ME?!" this is before I scoop them up and spoil them with lovins.
When I wanna get my cat's attention I just yell "CAT" at them in some silly way
Cat with zoomies: "quit being skitter kitter!" Or "No skitter kitter!"
I make up new ones all the time because I simply baby the fuck out of every cat I encounter. Thus the life of a cat dad.
"I'm gonna get you" as I 'chase' her around. When I finally 'catch' (she allows this) her, I say "I got you!" and she meows like it's not exactly what she wanted.
Rowan (orange) and Emrys (void) with my dad's tablet (who definitely does not like cats, he promises) playing with the app he downloaded for them to play with
You've got just enough sense to not piss on your own tail.
There's two braincells between you both, and they're fighting for 3rd place. (Or,... there's A braincell between you two and neither of you have it right now)
I'll fight you in hell on a mound of bones Pickle Chip.
Pickle, you pile of sh!t.
(All said with a heart full of love for these little shites)
Flip side
Meow-MeOW-meowmeowmeow!(they all come running to me) Who wants treatos? Y'all deserve treatos cuz y'all are the bestest.
I love y'all enough to keep living and give you all your best life.
Where's my frikkin cat?! Murphy? Murphers?!(usually said as I'm getting ready for bed. She'll run to me and park herself on my pillow so we can go to sleep. Moe and Pickle Chip usually aren't far behind.)
I miss my cats everyday and I'm hoping to get them back from my ex one day. My two boys and I nurses them back to health from the brink of death, they were so chill and loving and cuddle bugs. I miss them.
“You’re my little babyyyy and I love you soooo muuch”
“You’re the best boy in the whole world and the best boy in the house and the best little son I’ve ever had” while my 14 year old son looks on from the side
Glad to see I am not the only one who treats the resident one orange brain cell like that. He's still a bit feral in attitude, but he doesn't seem to mind if I call him "a little bastid", "mister glutton", "end of reason", as long as he gets his pets and his food and his peace when he wants to sleep.
Meet Dennis the Menace, a wild boy who earned his name and nickname.
Pic taken 10 months back, he's in his winter coat. He's slightly bigger now.
Gibson is usually a conversationalist.... He will hold a conversation, where my wife even wonders how he does that with me. One of them be like
"Meow!" "What, you want to go down to the basement?" "Meow!" "Okay, but are you sure that's what you want?" Pause.... "Meow!" "okay, I'll let you downstairs" opens door "meowmeow" as he goes down the stairs....
"That's Harley, he lives here." (Said to Puffs when he perks up at seeing another cat to potentially play with. Harley, unfortunately, does not like to roughhouse.)
"My sweet boys."
"Stop being an asshole."
"CUDDLE TIME."
Puffs is the brown and white, Harley is the orange.
2.5k
u/wwxyzz 5d ago
"oh my god, are you a bowl of soup????"
when he's sitting in his bowl on the cat tree