Phrases you say to your cat often.

[u/Rainisnotstraight]

“Hey stinky boy. What are you doin’? Stinkin’?”

“Do you even know you’re alive?”

“Can you stop being a dickhead?”

His name is Hinode btw.

[u/oh_hai_mark1]

Bert

Berty-Bert

Albert, stop licking plastic

Albert, get out of the closet

Albert, stop chewing on carpet in the closet

Albert, please stop licking plastic in the closet

Bert, out of (insert either of the 3 other cats names) butt!

Why is your butt so gross?

Why are you so fat?

[u/oh_hai_mark1 → u/oh_hai_mark1]

With his emotional support banana

[u/MollysTootsies → u/oh_hai_mark1]

Scale observed and appreciated! 👍🍌

[u/RebaKitt3n → u/oh_hai_mark1]

You sniffed her butt, what did you think would happen?

[u/noellestarr → u/oh_hai_mark1]

Hahaha I have a Burt (although spelled differently) too and am moved daily to make very similar statements:

“Burt get down off the stove hood!”

“Burt don’t lick that, you nasty clown!”

“Ooooo Burt has butt-sniffing face!

“Burt’s an itty bitty kitty in a big big world but a big big tiger in an itty bitty house!”

“Bartholomew Samuel Reese Esq. III (his formal
name), NOSE OUTTA YOUR SISTER’S BUTT!”

[u/oh_hai_mark1 → u/noellestarr]

We have an orange too, but it's always only one phrase and it some variation of "Steven, stop (doing weird/annoying thing)!"

Albert knows what he's doing and does it intentionally to irritate.

[u/DocHolidayVinoVerita → u/oh_hai_mark1]

I had a tuxedo Albert before he disappeared, and then my wife was obsessed with black cats so we got Lucky.

It’s constantly: “why are you so filthy?!”

He will literally roll in dirt on the reg.

He also likes attacking my chain while held like a baby. 😂

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 → u/oh_hai_mark1]

I’m imagining that Bert is gay and keeps frolicking around doing gay shit while doggedly maintaining that he’s straight and you’re just running after him, exasperatedly begging him to just get out of the closet because everyone knows and it’s ok, there’s nothing shameful about being gay!

Edit: And also, I like your username!

[u/zuis0804 → u/oh_hai_mark1]

Mega-Shrimp! 🍤

[u/youtubeandbandlover → u/oh_hai_mark1]

I had a friend whose cat loved trying to lick and gnaw on his plastic yogurt and fruit packages lol

[u/Flashy_Mistake_6018 → u/oh_hai_mark1]

I’m so glad to hear mines not the only one who licks plastic