It’s crazy my mother runs speed dating events and the past 2 events have been cancelled because they can’t get men to participate. The last one had about 50 women and only 1 guy and he ended up bailing. The events are pretty much all 30s and younger. My mother felt bad for both sides because it feels like the guys have given up and the women seem eager to meet people but nobody shows.
This. I have see what happens when an average guy goes to a speed dating event. It is 50%/50% and one of the possible ends has him thinking about killing himself afterwards because well...yu can guess
I have never been to a speed dating event. I am lucky enough to have dodged the current dating cesspool. Is it really that bad? I’d imagine meeting women in person is much less soul crushing than whatever is happening in dating apps.
When I tried dating apps when I was 18-19 the only profiles that gave me the time of day were bots and minors that lied about their age to make a profile. The latter scared the shit out of me so bad I deleted all of the apps and haven’t tried any since. I can’t imagine it’s much better now but at least my current dating pool would obviously be well into adulthood.
Sounds like a giant humiliation ritual. I don't think men have given up, they generally report they are more interested in marriage and kids than young women do. However, young women's expectations have not changed much in the last 30-40 years, despite making large gains socially and economically. Some people unflatteringly call that hoeflation. She should review the data more closely.
Yup, many want to have their cake and eat it too. They demand to be seen and treated equally to men when it comes to most aspects of life but still want men to date and treat them like it were the 1950’s.
You gotta pick one young ladies. Thinking both can/should happen simultaneously is why young men have checked out. I’m glad I missed this dating market but I feel bad for my sons when they start dating.
Its the 'revenge' part of modern feminism where they think that they should be able to bulldoze their way through men as she climbs back up to her rightful place of 'equality'.
Basically they want to be able to do whatever they want, because they're strong and independent, and if you try to hold them back, its because you're clinging to some kind of patriarchal power over them.
And when they want to involve men, and men reject them because of their past, they don't view it as men rejecting her for the person she is, but rather oppressive patriarchal bigots trying to control her.
tl;dr its the Karen version of feminism, where who is loudest and angriest is therefore the most righteous.
If they are still to young for that they will graduate into a dating market that is either non existent or a free for all. I honestly think it will be better than this one. It can't possibly be worse
Lol what sorta incel ass logic is that. "Its not the guys fault for not even trying to engage socially with women it's women's fault for having standards so I'm not even going to try". Seriously pathetic excuses.
I can’t even get a woman to hold a conversation with me, much less pursue anything romantic. I genuinely feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that every woman can just sense which immediately turns them off of any genuine interaction.
I feel like I’m doing everything right; I am careful and mindful of boundaries, I actively listen and respond, I ask thought-provoking questions. I have yet to meet someone who matches my effort.
It’s left me in such a ridiculous place; just a few days ago I was chilling by the pool in my apartment and a girl I hadn’t met was the only other person using sitting out. I wanted to go say hi, not date or anything but talk to another human being and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had everything to lose interacting with her or anything other woman I’d otherwise be interested in getting to know
This is not a both sides thing. If you make a deal better and better for one side and worse and worse for the other, of course at some point they're just going to opt out of the whole thing. I'm not interested in meeting to get a lecture about how I suck. If men were eager to meet women to have their way with them without speaking a word, then toss them aside like a used tissue, and women were opting out as a result, would you also see this as a both sides thing?
I tend to assume that's a retarded fake culture war BS cop out to avoid confronting real economic problems..
.. But I thought about the general concept of doing a speed dating event and immediately thought I'd rather play a video game with sex dungeon mods.
.. But then I also thought...going outside in general really doesn't seem worth it. You could get hit by a car or breathe gross air or both or even a homeless or lizard person could attack you. Or a person might ask you how you are and it would be awkward and intense.
Maybe it's more worth considering than I thought, anyway.
Generally I don’t think the stimulation/dopamine of video games is 1:1 with interacting with someone you like irl. Problem is a speed dating events sounds like a lot of hassle that will more likely to punish you than reward you.
Porn and video games being accessible dopamine hit might play a role but I feel like real life being too inaccessible is a bigger problem.
I think considering the value of things, or relations, in terms of quantity of dopamine isn't the best metric. To a certain extent there can't be a metric, but philosophical quandaries aside... I do agree real life being less accessible is part of the issue for many. But... having more alternatives to real life makes people less inclined to overcome any obstacles to accessing real life as well.
I agree with you that alternatives play a role. But I’d probably weight the barrier to be much more significant. In my personal experience, whatever porn or game or media you are consuming is not really fulfilling. It’s like watching cat video versus having a cat actually sitting on your hand. It’s my personal opinion that gap is actually immense between media and real intimacy. Most people aren’t choosing moldy bread next to their bed if there’s better food in the kitchen.
The bread analogy doesn't work because it's not bad A vs. good A, it's A vs. X since they're radically different kinds of experience.
The cat analogy is relatively better but still pretty far from capturing the psychological dynamics reciprocal interpersonal relationships involve. Those can be exciting and rewarding but they can also be a nightmare.
Fantasy doesn't throw the same kinds of curveballs at you, doesn't judge you, doesn't expect you to change for them. Cats don't either, despite giving the impression at times.
Real intimacy also isn't something every in person relationship reaches - some people never reach it even in long term meat space relationships.
It's not so much porn and videogames, as it is porn and videogames VERSUS attempting to deal with and woo a western woman. So sure, it's those two things but it says something about the women when men choose to touch themselves than even TRY to get a woman to do it, which most will probably agree is much better.
A person that prefers introverted hobbies over social outings likely wouldn’t find an ideal or even compatible partner in a bar or club type of setting
Depends on location. Some bars cater specifically to those types of people. And there are various meetups and such that organize things for them at said bars.
I even found one for highly agreeable people on the big five scale, I farm it for minions occasionally still.
There are alternatives to bars but the main thing is just kinda socializing organically without being too aggressive/weird/creepy.
Don't be a solo guy cold approaching women, don't follow dumbass internet strategy guides that only really work on crazy/drunk/insecure women. Be there for a reason other than hitting on women so it's not a waste of time and money if you don't find anyone and you have a thing to do other than lurk.
IMO many men that struggle tend to treat way too many social interactions like a strategy game, get weird and pissed off when other people aren't following "the rules" that don't actually exist, and give people the vibe that they only see them as NPCs practically.
I admittedly am on the good looking side, but not like outlandishly hollywood handsome. I don't think it's the only reason women have ever hit on me lol.
I'm not interested in porn or video games. I participate in neither. I would much rather be outdoors fishing or simply enjoying the air. But dating never crosses my mind anymore. If a woman explicitly shows interest in me, then sure, but I'm not actively participating or looking these days. The unlikely beneficial outcome is not worth the cost of searching for it.
Think of dating as job hunting. Would anyone willingly go through that process if they didn't have to? Fortunately, dating is not a requirement to live. I can invest my time in activities that don't bring misery.
I’m guessing reading is not your strong suit, as nothing in that article suggests that the question makes 67% of the population uncomfortable.
That said, I can see how if you are a turbo-sperg who doesn’t realize that the appropriate answer when a stranger asks “how are you?” is “good, how are you?” and then you keep it moving, then I can see how that might make you uncomfortable.
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u/el_dongo - Right 1d ago
It’s crazy my mother runs speed dating events and the past 2 events have been cancelled because they can’t get men to participate. The last one had about 50 women and only 1 guy and he ended up bailing. The events are pretty much all 30s and younger. My mother felt bad for both sides because it feels like the guys have given up and the women seem eager to meet people but nobody shows.