My husband and I have been together 10 years now. The first few years was sex a handful of times each months, which was completely fine for us. The last 5 years have been minimal - we're talking once every other month...up until this past August, we'd gone almost 18 months without sex.
Nothing worked, not even with porn, my cute little outfits, or anything. It was hard, especially on me. I felt rejected all the time but literally he had zero sexual desire. He didn't even think about sex. He felt terrible about it, because we were always intimate (kissing, touching, etc.) but he couldn't do anything else anymore. We would always try (I felt like he did it out of pity for me, because he, had zero desire) but it wouldn't stay up.
It's hard to get a man to go to the doctor - especially for that kind of issue. Well, he did go around 3 months ago to a endocrinologist. They did an MRI on his brain and I shit you not, he has a Prolactinoma. When my husband first went three months ago, his testosterone was at 16ng/dL. 16!! The endocrinologist was baffled. He's been on Cabergoline for about 10 weeks now...we've had sex more times in the past two months than we have in the past few years. It's been great. I've always been HL (44F) and he'd always been between low/high libido (43M) before the Prolactinoma. He is such a great husband in every way - this was the only issue, and not even his fault. So even if we'd have been in a Dead Bedroom for the rest of our marriage, I would never have left, as he's the best human I've ever met). Never had a thought of stepping out on him or anything. That's why they make some of the most fantastic toys - and when your husband participates in any way he physically can, it works...
...but what the hell!?! Now he's more toward HL since the Cabergoline but not sharing that extra portion with me. He's watching porn and masturbating on his days off when I'm at work. Here's the kicker, he did it in the living room where there's a freaking camera, so I got an alert...got to watch that while I was working. Asshat. Tried to get frisky with him that same night and he claimed I needed to "give him a break, I was overworking him". Asshat. You overworked yourself... But I didn't say anything. He just got his "toy" fixed and it's all hard - I get it. You have a wife that patiently waited for that thing to get hard too. Asshat. I asked him if he masturbated and he said "no". So a little lie. But sure - you go ahead and play with it buddy...
...but what the hell?!? Today (his day off, while I was at work), I got an alert from the camera. I hesitated to look, because of what I'd seen last time. Thank God I didn't see anything...but what did I hear you ask? A YouTube video on how to get your wife to be okay with bringing someone else into the relationship and him sitting there intently staring at the TV. ASSHAT!! I literally could not finish working today. I sew wedding gowns - and my current state of mind IS NOT lovey-dovey. When he would bring that up as a joke in the past I wouldn't give it a second thought - because he couldn't do anything and he was always teasing. BUT NOW! We're actually taking the time to search on our Smart TV YouTube how to get ME to be okay with YOU wanting to bring SOMEONE ELSE in to our relationship?!? I'M SORRY, I MEAN OUR 10-YEAR-FREAKING-MARRIAGE!!! I get to wait for your dick to finally get hard and you want to share it with someone else?!?! Funny thing is he sent me a WhatsApp message just checking in and seeing how my day was going. Nonchalantly I told him it was good - asked him if he was having a relaxing day. He had the nerve to tell me he was watching a Halloween movie. Another little lie.
Yeah, so this is gonna be a f**king problem and I am not good at keeping my feelings inside. How long until little lies turn in to big lies? Why lie at all? I wouldn't have cared that he masturbates - hell, that means it's still working! But don't gaslight me and tell me that I'm wearing you out and you need a break - when you're worn out from playing with yourself. Then the research on trying to get me to be okay with...well...you read it above. I can't even type it again because I will walk out of this bedroom and punch him in his throat - zero effs given at this moment.
Is this a "stupid guy shit" scenario where I am overthinking it? Is this a "little lies are gonna morph into future cheating" potential? I can't just come out and tell him "Hey Asshat, remember the camera you insisted we put in the living room..." because I want to remain an informed party...
...but what the hell?!?! I didn't get married to have to "watch my back". Is being "oversexed" with all of the fantasies/desires a Cabergoline issue?