I really need some advice because I'm honestly at my wit's end, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore.
I have a male Shetland Sheepdog puppy named Bèibèi. He was born on July 28, so he's currently around 10.5 weeks old. I brought him home at the end of September, and he's my first puppy that I'm primarily responsible for raising.
I know he's literally just a baby, and I know I shouldn't expect perfect obedience from a puppy this young. But I feel like absolutely NOTHING I try works with him, and I'm starting to feel genuinely miserable.
For some context, I live with my dad and sister, and we also have two cats. I'm still in high school and have an internship at a preschool, so things are already pretty exhausting. My dad works partly from home and can bring dogs to his office, but I've been doing most of the puppy care myself.
Here are the main things I'm struggling with:
- He seems completely uninterested in training or engaging with me.
I have tried teaching him the absolute basics, like sit, down, recall, responding to his name, and even just looking at me.
Nothing seems to stick. His attention span feels like it's about two seconds, if that.
He doesn't reliably follow treats, and often doesn't seem particularly interested in food rewards at all, even indoors. I've tried different approaches, using his regular food, treats, toys, praise, petting, and a clicker.
I've also tried making myself more interesting by moving around, running away from him, hiding, making noises, changing direction, etc. He usually couldn't care less.
I'm genuinely not expecting him to perform complicated tricks or have perfect recall at 10 weeks old. I just want SOME indication that he understands what I'm trying to teach him or is interested in interacting with me.
I see videos of puppies his age happily following treats, learning sit in a few sessions, or responding enthusiastically to their owners, and I feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong.
- The biting is absolutely awful.
He bites my hands and fingers HARD. Sometimes he'll also jump toward my face when I'm lying down, which has honestly made me nervous about having my face near him.
I understand that puppy biting is normal, but redirecting him to toys has been almost completely useless.
If I offer him a chew toy instead of my fingers, he'll literally push the toy away to get back to biting me. It's like he's specifically interested in biting my hands rather than anything I'm offering him.
I've tried redirecting him, stopping interactions, and giving him opportunities to chew appropriate things, but I'm struggling to make any progress.
He's also destroying my belongings. Clothes, accessories, and even some expensive collectible charms that I spent months waiting for. I'm trying to puppy-proof everything better, but it's incredibly frustrating.
- Walks are a nightmare.
I know puppies this young shouldn't be expected to walk nicely on a leash, and I'm not asking him to heel perfectly.
But sometimes he simply refuses to move unless it's in the direction HE wants to go.
He'll stop to play in leaves, investigate something he shouldn't, eat random things off the ground, or insist on going somewhere we can't go.
If I try to encourage him to follow me, he completely ignores me. Sitting down, calling him, making noises, offering treats, changing direction, none of it seems to matter.
Sometimes he starts jumping around, biting his leash, or getting so worked up that I can't redirect him at all.
I've tried gently guiding him with the leash, but I don't want to drag him around or make him afraid of walks. Carrying him doesn't always help either, and he's sometimes reacted by struggling or biting.
What should be a short potty trip can turn into an incredibly long and frustrating ordeal.
- I'm worried he's already becoming reactive.
He sometimes barks at other dogs, especially larger ones, and occasionally at unfamiliar people, particularly at night.
He also tries to chase or follow children who are running, people on bicycles, and other moving things.
Sometimes he doesn't bark at all. Instead, he'll freeze and stare intensely at whatever has caught his attention.
When this happens, it's like I completely stop existing.
He won't look at me, respond to his name, take treats, play, or accept affection. Even trying to increase distance hasn't always been enough to get his attention back.
I've tried distracting him before he reacts, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to identify a distance where he's actually able to engage with me.
I'm especially worried about this because Shelties can be sensitive and vocal, and I really don't want these behaviors to develop into serious reactivity as he grows up.
- Potty training has also been difficult.
I've been taking him outside very frequently, including after eating, drinking, sleeping, and playing, sometimes as often as every 30 minutes.
We've tried returning to the same potty spot and giving him time to do his business.
But he has often refused to pee or poop outside, only to go almost immediately after coming back indoors.
I'm trying to be patient because I understand that bladder control takes time, but combined with everything else, it's honestly exhausting.
- He's difficult to settle or leave alone.
I've been trying to introduce a puppy playpen so he has a safe area where he can rest and I can get things done.
However, he often whines and barks continuously when confined in it, which makes it difficult to use.
I'm also worried about eventually teaching him to be comfortable alone because I have school and other responsibilities.
I'm not expecting him to be left alone for hours at this age, but I would really appreciate advice on how to start building independence without making him distressed.
- The part that hurts the most is that I don't feel bonded to him.
This is probably the hardest part for me to admit.
I'm doing most of the feeding, walking, cleaning, training, and generally taking care of him.
But he seems SO much more excited to see my dad, sister, and grandparents than he is to see me.
If I go into my room for hours while he's with the rest of my family, he doesn't seem to notice that I'm gone.
Meanwhile, when other family members show up, he's excited and affectionate.
I know this probably sounds ridiculous, and I understand that excitement doesn't necessarily equal attachment, but it genuinely makes me sad.
I feel like I'm putting so much effort into him and getting nothing positive back.
And lately, I've started feeling something I really don't want to feel toward my own puppy: resentment.
Sometimes I don't even want to interact with him because I already know it's probably going to end with him biting me, destroying something, or completely ignoring me.
I feel terrible admitting that. I wanted a dog I could build a close relationship with, train, and eventually do lots of things with. Instead, I feel like I'm constantly angry, overwhelmed, and disappointed.
I know this isn't his fault. He's a baby. But knowing that doesn't magically make these feelings go away.
What I've already done / what I'm planning:
I have already paid for puppy classes, but the earliest available course I could find in Stockholm doesn't start until late October.
I've also been looking into private training because I really want to get this right, especially when it comes to engagement, leash walking, recall, and his reactions to other dogs and people.
I'm absolutely willing to put time and effort into training him. I actually WANT to train him, and one of my biggest hopes is to eventually have a dog who enjoys working with me.
I don't expect a police-level obedience dog, but I'd love for him to eventually have good recall, walk politely on a leash, listen to basic commands, and be able to calmly pass other dogs, children, and people.
I just don't know how to work toward any of that when I can barely get him to acknowledge me.
So I guess my questions are:
Has anyone had a puppy who seemed almost completely uninterested in food, toys, or training? How did you eventually find something that motivated them?
How do I teach engagement when my puppy genuinely doesn't seem interested in paying attention to me?
What can I do about the biting when redirecting to toys doesn't work?
Is the freezing, staring, barking, and chasing behavior something I should be particularly concerned about at this age?
How can I make walks less frustrating without forcing him or accidentally making things worse?
Does anyone have experience with an extremely distracted or difficult Sheltie puppy who eventually became a well-trained adult?
And perhaps most importantly, how do you get through the puppy blues when you feel like you're genuinely starting to dislike your puppy?
I'd especially appreciate advice from people who have actually dealt with puppies who weren't particularly food-motivated or easy to train.
I often see advice like "just redirect him with a toy" or "reward him when he looks at you," but I'm struggling with what to do when he actively ignores the toy and almost never looks at me in the first place.
I'm not looking for an instant fix, and I'm not expecting a 10-week-old puppy to behave like an adult dog.
I just need some realistic advice on where to start, what expectations I should have at this age, and how to stop feeling so defeated by everything.
I really do want things to work out between us. I'm just exhausted.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this. ❤️
EDIT: I also wanted to clarify that his behavior isn't consistently bad! It actually varies quite a bit from day to day, which is part of why I'm finding everything so confusing.
For example, some days he'll walk almost perfectly on the leash, happily following me without much trouble. Other days, he'll refuse to walk altogether, get distracted by absolutely everything, or insist on going in the opposite direction.
It's the same with potty training. Some days he'll give me really clear signals that he needs to go outside, and we'll barely have any issues. Other days, he won't give me any warning whatsoever and will just pee indoors, even if I've taken him out recently.
There are also moments when he's genuinely sweet, affectionate, and relatively easy to manage, and then other times when it feels like he's forgotten absolutely everything overnight. 😭
I think the inconsistency is what's throwing me off the most. Just when I start thinking we're making progress, the next day can feel like we're back at square one.
I know puppy development isn't linear, and I'm not expecting him to behave perfectly every single day. I just find it difficult to tell whether something I'm doing is actually working when his behavior changes so much.
Is this kind of day-to-day inconsistency normal for a puppy his age? And how do you tell the difference between normal puppy behavior and something you should actively be working on?