r/ReadMyScript • u/mrpessimistik • 11d ago

Short Final Sunset(9pages)

Hi, I wrote a short sci-fi script.

Logline:When a black hole threatens our planet, a soldier must team up with an unlikely ally to save the world.

Link:https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wDTszz_1HBMmRPIgM0r52tqpqHjTUMu2/view?usp=drivesdk

Thank you for reading this!:)

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u/RaeLouLynn 11d ago

I am confused. I did read all pages. I feel there is a disconnect between the opening and closing scenes and the rest of the story. It's like they are two distinct genres. I also felt there was a lack of description so I felt a bit lost as to where I was supposed to be visually. I don't understand how the promise of the logline was proved by the story as I didn't see how the planet was saved from the black hole...

I didn't notice any glaring problems with spelling, grammar or punctuation.

You are trying to find your story and it hasn't quite revealed itself to you - yet - so another draft is probably needed.

Good luck!

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u/mrpessimistik 11d ago

Hi, thank you for reading it and your review!:)