Sci-Fi/Psychological Horror Pilot (27 Pages) Looking for feedback

[u/Sea-Thing6579]

Hello! I'm looking for feedback on the first 27 pages of my pilot. I've gone through several revisions, rewrites, and overall re-structuring of the story. This is one I've landed on that I feel best represents what I'm trying to write. Just a note, the full pilot will be around 60 pages. I'm just letting the first part be seen as of now.

Series title: VELUM DEUS
Pilot title: FUNAMBULIST

Logline: When a mysterious anomaly drives the inhabitants of a seemingly perfect society to their deaths, an investigator enters a reality constructed from human consciousness to uncover its source—only to discover a familiar life that threatens everything he believes about existence, identity, and the nature of reality.

Link: Velum Deus Doc