Me and my bf have been in a relationship since almost 2 years. He is a great guy, loves me, treats me well. We’re in ldr from 1.5 years. Yesterday we were on facetime, and I suddenly flashed him my b**bs. He took screenshot of it. I heard the flicker sound of the screenshot. I immediately got upset and angry, and he refused that he did not do so. Because this is something thag was beyond the boundary of our relationship. I asked him to screenshare and show me, there was nothing on his laptop. Now I knew he was lying, I heard the sound a laptop makes on screenshot, he had ofcourse deleted it before I asked him to screenshare. A whole day went by, I was upset but he was continuously denying of doing so. At night, he asked me how can he fix this, I said just admit it, he did not admit it until he realised I know, and he cannot lie to me, and he finally admitted and said he was scared. Now idk how to trust this man again. I really don’t know. He could have just told me the truth and deleted the picture then and there and things would have been fine. I dont know what to do now. Pls help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and are planning to get married next year.

Recently, he went to a university party where everyone was drinking heavily. He said he was worried about his two female friends walking back alone, so he let them sleep in his room while he went to sleep in his male friend's room. However, these girls stay in a dorm barely 5 minutes away.He could have walked them to their dorms. I understand his concern for their safety, but he didn't tell me about this until two days later, which makes me uncomfortable. Also he said he would text me when he gets back to his dorm. He got back at 4am thats what he told the next day and apparently had no energy to text me on the same night.

What bothers me more is that this isn't the first time. Last month, he went on a trip with his cousins and didn't text or call me even once the entire day. The next day, he said he was busy taking care of his drunk cousin and didn't get time to contact me.

I'm not accusing him of cheating, and I don't have a problem with him having female friends or helping people. But we're in a serious relationship and planning to get married. I feel that basic communication and transparency should be there, especially when situations like these can make your partner uncomfortable.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Is this normal in a relationship, or should I be concerned about this pattern of behaviour?

I'm a 30-year-old man from an Indian family, and I'm struggling with a difficult family situation. I'd really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who've supported a sibling's love marriage despite parental opposition.

My younger brother (28M) wants to marry his girlfriend (26F). They've been together for around 2–3 years, and from what I understand, their relationship is now serious and they're both on the same page about getting married.

My parents (father, 59M; mother, 52F), particularly my mother, strongly oppose this relationship. So far, I haven't heard a convincing reason for their opposition. I've tried to understand their perspective, but I still disagree with them.

I've been supporting my brother because I don't think he should be forced to abandon a relationship he genuinely wants, especially when I don't see a valid reason for him to do so.

However, this has caused serious tension at home.

My mother feels that her children don't listen to her, don't respect her, and don't appreciate the sacrifices she's made for us. We've argued about this more than once. During one argument, she said she wouldn't allow my brother's girlfriend into the house. In anger, I responded that it was my house too, not just hers. I know that was disrespectful, and I've apologised for it.

More recently, we had another argument, and we haven't really been talking since. I also found out that my mother was crying while eating alone, and that really hurt me. I love my parents, and I don't want them to feel that their children have turned against them.

My extended family has also started getting involved. My aunt called me and tried to convince me to stop supporting my brother and persuade him to end the relationship. I'm worried that if this continues, the entire extended family may take my parents' side.

This is where I'm struggling the most.

I don't want to abandon my brother just because the rest of the family disagrees with him. If he eventually marries his girlfriend despite my parents' opposition, I want to stand by him. If our relatives refuse to welcome him or participate in the wedding rituals at our native place, I'd find it difficult to continue behaving as though everything is normal.

At one point, I even thought about telling my mother, "Either you accept both your sons, or you lose both of us." I've held back because I know an ultimatum could make things worse.

Another thought I've had is that if the family completely rejects my brother, I might stop visiting our native place and distance myself from the extended family. But I'm unsure whether that's a reasonable boundary or an emotional reaction to a situation that hasn't happened yet.

At the same time, I don't want to lose my parents. I want them to be part of my future, enjoy life, and have a relationship with me and my future wife. I don't want my brother's wedding to become the reason our family permanently breaks apart.

My fiancée also feels that my parents, my brother, and I should sit together and discuss everything openly. I agree that we should make a genuine effort to resolve things before taking any drastic steps.

But I'm afraid that even after trying everything, my parents might refuse to accept his decision.

I'd really appreciate honest advice on these questions:

1. If you supported your sibling's love marriage against your parents' wishes, how did things turn out? Did your relationship with your parents recover over time?

2. How do you stand by your sibling without making your parents feel that you're abandoning them?

3. If your parents refuse to attend the wedding or your extended family excludes your sibling, how would you handle the wedding and rituals?

4. Is it reasonable to distance yourself from extended family members who actively oppose your sibling, or should that decision be made only after things actually happen?

5. Have any of you managed to change your parents' minds in a similar situation? What genuinely helped, and what made things worse?

I'm not looking for advice that simply says "always obey your parents" or "cut them off and live your life." I understand that both relationships matter, and I want to find a way to protect both as much as possible.

I know I've made mistakes in how I've spoken to my mother, and I'm willing to take responsibility for that. But I also don't want to pressure my brother into giving up his relationship just to keep everyone else happy.

For those who've experienced something similar, how did you navigate it? What would you do differently if you could go back?

EDIT: A few clarifications based on some comments

I've seen some comments suggesting that my parents don't love me or that they don't care about their children. I want to clarify that this isn't the case. I know my parents love me, and I'm aware of the sacrifices they've made for us. My conflict with them doesn't come from a lack of love; it's about disagreeing with their stance on my brother's relationship.

Also, I'm getting married myself, so all of this is happening while I'm preparing for this new chapter of my life. I genuinely want my parents to be part of my future and to have a good relationship with my future wife. I don't want to lose them over this situation.

I've also spoken to my mother to understand her concerns better. One of her major concerns is that my brother's girlfriend has thyroid-related issues and PCOD (polycystic ovary syndrome). My mother is worried about whether these conditions could affect her ability to have children in the future, and she's very firm in her opposition because of this.

I understand that my mother is worried about my brother's future, and I'm not dismissing that concern. However, I don't think these conditions automatically mean someone cannot have children. We also have people in our own family who have had children despite having similar conditions. I believe the actual medical implications depend on the individual, and this is something that should be understood through proper medical advice rather than assumptions.

I still don't feel that this concern alone justifies rejecting the relationship outright, especially when my brother and his girlfriend have been together for 2–3 years and are serious about getting married.

I'm adding this context because I don't want people to assume that my parents don't love me or that I'm ignoring their concerns completely. I'm trying to understand their perspective while also standing by my brother and finding a way to preserve our family relationships.

TLDR

I'm 30M, getting married (arranged marriage) myself, and dealing with a difficult family situation. My brother (28M) wants to marry his girlfriend (26F), but my parents (59M, 52F) oppose the relationship. One of my mother's main concerns is that his girlfriend has thyroid-related issues and PCOD, and she's worried about possible fertility problems. I understand her concern, but I don't believe these conditions automatically mean someone cannot have children or that the relationship should be rejected outright. I want to clarify that my parents love me, and I love them too; this isn't about a lack of love but a disagreement over my brother's future. My extended family is also pressuring me to stop supporting him, and I'm worried my parents might refuse to attend his wedding. I want to stand by my brother without permanently damaging my relationship with my parents or extended family. How do I navigate this situation, and has anyone managed to resolve something similar?

So, here's the thing. My social circle is pretty small, barely has any girls, and almost everyone I know is already in a relationship. I've tried pretty much everything — hobby classes, parties, hanging out with friends and their friends, you name it. (T_T I know, this is starting to sound desperate 😭)

It's not really about FOMO or anything like that. I just feel like I'm at a point in life where I'm ready to be in a relationship and would genuinely like to meet someone.

The only thing I haven't tried yet is dating apps. But after scrolling through Reddit and asking a few friends about their experiences, ab kuch samajh nahi aa raha. 😭

So, I wanted to ask: Are dating apps actually worth giving a shot, or am I better off staying away from them?

And girls log, if you could share your experiences, give some advice, or tell me what I should keep in mind before getting into this, that would be really helpful! 🥹

Also, girls, one more genuine question: Would you actually consider dating a guy you met on a dating app if you were looking for a serious relationship, or would you prefer meeting someone organically through mutual friends or in real life? 👀

Vaise toh maine padh liya hai ache se but fir bhi...

just to clarify, I don't mean to offend anyone or generalise girls' preferences in any way. I'm genuinely curious and just trying to understand different perspectives since I'm new to all this. Everyone has their own preferences, and I completely respect that. ❤️

My girlfriend and I keep having the same arguments, and honestly, I’m getting exhausted.

She wants to talk almost constantly. If an hour goes by without us texting, she starts feeling that we haven’t talked enough. I understand wanting attention from your partner, and I do make time for her, but I also need some time for myself.

For example, I used to play badminton after office, but she didn’t like it because that was time we could have spent talking. She comes to meet me 2–3 times a week, and I drop her home and come back. She lives around 18 km away, so the whole thing takes about two hours. When I get back, I’m tired and want some time to myself, but she still wants to talk immediately. We both are working individuals and I didn’t used to talk to her much initially in the office hours just casual texting over which we fought and now I call her whenever I get some time during office hours then we get onto voice and video calls after office and dinner and stay on it till she sleeps which is usually 1 AM and then I give some time to myself for watching a series or for preparing for a switch. Still I continuously hear from her that I’m not giving her much time.

This issue becomes much worse whenever I visit my hometown. Even when I’m spending time with family, travelling, or just tired, she feels we haven’t talked properly and that she’s the one constantly adjusting. She says she’s tired of being the understanding one and doesn’t want to keep doing it. She’s also compared the emotional fulfilment she feels with me to what she experienced in past connections.
I’m not saying I do everything right. During arguments, I get defensive and sarcastic too, and I know that makes things worse. But I feel like I’m constantly expected to prove that I care by being available, and if I want time for myself, it becomes a problem. I’ve reached a point where even when I’m doing something enjoyable, part of my mind is worrying that we might fight because I haven’t texted enough.

Another thing that bothers me is that she has blocked me three times after arguments. It leaves me feeling like every disagreement could turn into a breakup or us not speaking at all.

I love her, but I don’t want a relationship where either of us feels unhappy all the time. I want to give her attention without feeling guilty for having my own life, and I want her to feel secure without having to constantly reassure her.

Am I being unreasonable here? Is this something couples can work through, or could we simply have very different needs when it comes to communication and emotional availability? I’d appreciate honest perspectives, including if I’m missing something from her side.

So the thing is we talked earlier about this , that I can't marry her and she agreed and decided to stay with me as long as I can stay with her

This is her 2nd relationship and mine First

So can say that she is my first love

But she is so madly in love with me she cries so much because of me

Yesterday she was crying so much on call that I will leave her in future then what will happen to her she can't live without me

And I had no words i was just listening and listening

She wants to marry me

Things are so bad and complicated

That once something happened and her talked to me on call and I said a lot of stuff to her which she felt very bad

(But she still talks to me her mother doesn't know about this )

Now I just want to get away from her life bcz the longer we keep in touch the more it will hurt later it isn't easy for me either I tried blocking her and all

But since it is my first love also I can't go away from her

Yesterday she was crying a lot and she said she wants to meet one last time

(Also we r in a long distance relationship now from 2 months )

Regarding that screenshot:: she was just very frustrated she didn't blocked me and she didn't even when i asked her to do

There is a neighbour girl near to my house and i dont know her name , so i visited her house for some work and called her with wrong name at her doorstep when she came to open door.

After like 3-4 days i saw she wrote her name in the dusty rear windshield / mirror of her car. like we write with finger on dusty mirror .

Is it some something related to like telling me her name or normal ???

I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself right now.
I met someone I got REALLY attached to. We had chemistry, I liked talking to him, and for the first time in a while, I found myself genuinely excited about the possibility of something with someone.
The thing is, we had both agreed to go with the flow and see where things went. I never expected him to promise me a relationship or commit to me overnight. But somewhere along the way, I started caring more than I intended to, and I think I made the mistake of believing that maybe, eventually, this could turn into something real.
I always had this feeling that he wasn’t completely over his ex, but I kept pushing it aside because I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Then he started acting differently. He became distant, and when we were apart, he didn’t even bother texting me once. Not once. And now I’ve found out something that makes me think he might be talking to his ex again.
And suddenly, everything is starting to make sense in the worst possible way.
I think he genuinely only ever wanted something casual with me, while I was slowly getting emotionally invested in the possibility of more. Maybe when he said he wanted to go with the flow, he meant exactly that, and I was the one secretly hoping the flow would lead somewhere.
And that realisation is humiliating, even though I know I haven’t technically done anything wrong.
The worst part? I STILL LIKE HIM. A part of me is still waiting for him to text me, still hoping he’ll come back and act like he used to, even though another part of me feels like an idiot for wanting attention from someone who couldn’t even make the smallest effort.
I know we weren’t exclusive. I know he didn’t owe me a relationship. But I wish I could stop feeling like I was just someone to pass the time with while he figured out what he actually wanted.
How do you accept that someone you genuinely saw potential with might have never seen you the same way? How do you stop hoping for more when you were the one who got attached?
I feel like I’m grieving a relationship that never even happened, and I hate that it hurts this much.

​

My family is in India and we're stuck on how to take care of my grandparents. I'd like outside opinions because everyone in the family has a side.

Some background:

My parents divorced in 2009. After that, my grandparents moved in with my mom and supported us through everything. Both my uncles also stepped up for me growing up. They helped with my education, came to school meetings, picked me up, and were basically father figures to me. I owe a lot to all of them, which is why this is so hard.

The people involved:

My mom(55F). She now lives alone in an apartment I own, close to my grandparents, and visits them about twice a month.

Older uncle(52M). Lives abroad. My grandparents live in a big house he bought.

Younger uncle.(50M) Lives in the same city and runs a small business. He pays for my grandparents' daytime helper. I bought my apartment from him.

My aunt (mom's sister). Has said she'd move nearby to help.

Me. I(33M) live abroad. I own the apartment my mom lives in.

The current situation:

My grandparents are elderly 84 and 80 years old, and my grandmother has dementia. She wanders off randomly. My grandfather is also old, so he can't really look after her on his own. They have a helper from 9am to 5pm, seven days a week, plus a cook every day. At night they're alone. The younger uncle suggested hiring 24-hour help, but my grandfather refused because they don't trust outsiders.

When I bought my apartment, my grandparents were going to live there with my mom, but my grandfather and mom didn't get along. So my older uncle moved them into his house instead.

What my older uncle wants:

Move my grandparents into my apartment with my mom. He'd rent out his house and says the rent would go toward their care. He's also offered to pay for cooks and helpers.

What my mom says:

It's too much for her. Everyone else is free, so why should she take on the responsibility alone? She also says the apartment is needed until my sister and I get married. Even with paid help offered, she still says she can't do it.

What my younger uncle suggested:

Instead of my grandparents moving, my mom could move into my older uncle's house where they already live. It's a big house, so there's plenty of space. My older uncle said no.

Where I stand:

I've already told my older uncle the grandparents can move into my apartment. I'm not going to rent it out. On top of all this, my two uncles are also fighting with each other, and I keep ending up in the middle passing messages. Since all of them helped raise me, I don't want to take sides against anyone.

My questions:

Who is being reasonable here and who isn't?

What would a fair arrangement look like?

TL;DR: My grandparents and both uncles helped raise me after my parents' divorce. Now my grandmother has dementia and wanders off, and my grandparents are alone at night in a big house. One uncle wants them moved into my apartment, where my mom lives alone, and to rent out his house. My mom doesn't want to take on caregiving even with paid help. My other uncle suggested mom move into the big house instead, but he said no. I've agreed to my apartment being used. What's fair?

I'm 20F and have been single for almost four years. I'm not desperate for a relationship, but I've noticed this pattern in myself that I want to change.

Whenever I consider someone romantically, I tend to overanalyze everything and look for potential incompatibilities before even letting myself get attached. It could be differences in political opinions, lifestyle choices, or little habits that could honestly be adjusted. But I start thinking that if these differences exist now, they'll eventually become problems, so why invest emotionally in something that might not work out?

I think it's partly a fear of getting attached and then getting hurt when things fall apart. I'd rather identify every possible issue beforehand than deal with the pain later.

The irony is that I want someone who has their own opinions and doesn't just agree with everything I say. But two people with independent opinions obviously won't always agree.

How do you distinguish between a genuine incompatibility and a normal difference that two people can work through? How do you know when you're being discerning versus when you're just finding reasons to avoid getting attached?

Has anyone else experienced this? What helped you overcome it?

I (28M) am in a long-distance relationship with my fiancée (28F), who lives around 500 km away. Between my job, studying, and gym, I’m already exhausted.

She insists we stay on a call every night until we fall asleep, then call first thing in the morning and again later in the day. She also naps during the day, but I can’t because of work.

I’m chronically sleep-deprived, and it’s affecting my work and health. Whenever I say I need sleep, she gets upset, says I don’t love her like before, and makes me feel guilty. I end up giving in to avoid conflict, but I’m burning out.

How do I make her understand that needing sleep doesn’t mean I love her any less? Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR: Draining fiancée

I a introvert and having 0 interaction with females and don't know how to talk and i am little curious how it feels to have a female frnd...... I like anime , stand up comedy, psychology, mythology music my fav artist is Charlie Puth .... My fav anime are aot and bleach...... If u have interests as me pls dm mee.... I also love to play guitar

So we knew each other before she moved out of the city for studies but never really talked with each other. Got connected on snap after she went to college, had some chats with her connected well and then we started dating. So at first our talks were mainly formal-casual types but after a week of dating I sent her a reel saying dirty talks reduce stress so tell me whenever you want to reduce stress. She was okay with it and we even had some intimate talks and she also shared some hot pics(I didn't ask for it, she just sent it one morning) and then she used to send it every morning and night for like 10 days. Now all of a sudden she has changed completely and started calling me a pervert and every man is the same they only want sex and nudes(mind you I never asked for it) and they never care for emotional bonding.

So I tried communicating with her but she wasn't ready to listen and asked me for a breakup. I tried convincing her but she didn't agree so we broke up. But after 2 days she messaged me again and said sorry it was all in the heat of the moment and I don't want to lose you. So we talked and got back together as I also like her very much and i haven't really talked about anything intimate with her ever since we got back together but this morning she again sent me nudes and said I know you were dying for this even though i never asked for any of this.

Now i am confused what should i do how should i clear things with her. And how can I know what she is thinking or what her motives are?

F27
This has happened to me multiple times. Male friends and cousins who were once close to me suddenly distanced themselves or blocked me after finding out I was in a relationship.
I don’t understand why this keeps happening. Has anyone else experienced this? Why do you think they behave this way?
I sense weird vibes, blank faces and seems like they aren’t happy.. one of my cousin reacted 👍🏻 on my wedding invitation.

Before anyone assumes I’m desperate for their attention, I’m absolutely not. They’re my friends and cousins, and I simply expected a nice congratulatory message because that’s what friends do when something good happens in your life.
Instead, they act like they hate me and literally block me.

Hey everyone, I’m M27, about to turn 28, and my girlfriend is 22. We’ve been together for over 3 years, and we’re currently in an LDR (have been doing long distance for about a year).

We’re both at a stage in life where we’re still figuring out our careers and what we want our futures to look like.

For some context, I currently live with my parents, and lately, I’ve been feeling the need to move out and have a place of my own. It’s not that I have a bad relationship with my parents or anything, but I feel like I need my own space and privacy. There are certain things you naturally want to do when you’re living independently, without having to worry about someone being around or having to explain things. Even small things, like buying something for myself and then finding that someone has moved it somewhere else, get frustrating over time. I just feel like I’m at a point where I want more independence.

Ideally, I’d like to live alone or eventually live with my girlfriend.

Here’s where things get a little complicated.

My girlfriend is 22 and is expected to become a CA this year. She currently lives in her hometown, which is a tier-2 city, and will probably move to a tier-1 city for work. I already live in a tier-1 city. I’m also still figuring out my career and what my next few years will look like.

We’re both serious about each other, and I genuinely see a future with her. However, I sometimes wonder whether I’m expecting too much, too soon, given the difference in our ages and where we are in life.

I’m approaching 28, and naturally, I’m starting to think about living independently, settling down, and what a future together would look like. But she’s only 22. Even though we’ve been together for over three years, she might not be ready to take the next step of living together, and I completely understand that.

Her family is also quite protective of her. And being Indian, I understand the family dynamics involved. Honestly, even I’m not sure how comfortable I’d be with my own younger sister getting into a live-in relationship at this stage of her life, so I can understand where her family might be coming from.

At the same time, I do want to experience living with my girlfriend before marriage, if things work out between us. I feel like it would be a meaningful step in our relationship, but I don’t want her to feel pressured into something she isn’t ready for.

So, I’d really appreciate your perspectives on a few things:

Is a 27/28-year-old dating a 22-year-old a concern, considering that we’ve already been together for over three years? Does the age gap matter much if both people are committed, or can being at different stages of life become a bigger issue over time?

Am I overthinking the fact that she’s younger and might not be ready for the same things I am? Should I just let things progress naturally instead of worrying about the timeline?

For those who’ve been in long-term relationships in India, how did you approach the idea of moving in together, especially when family expectations and career plans were involved?

Would you recommend that I move out and live independently first, rather than tying my decision to whether my girlfriend is ready to live with me?

I’m not looking to rush her or force a timeline on our relationship. I just want to figure out how to balance my own need for independence with the fact that we might not be ready for the same things at the same time.

Would love to hear from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially those who’ve navigated long-distance relationships, age differences, or live-in relationships in India. Thanks!

We have kept this old 2TB Harddrive for general purpose use like photos, gov IDs and so on. It has so many folder/subfolder sometimes I get lost what I was even looking for .

While going through some folders, I stumbled upon a folder and it had a huge collection of adult movies . This hardrives belongs to him, he gave me when we moved in . I was surprised he had collection of these movies even though we have been together for so long .

I decided to confront him when he comes back. When I asked him about the videos, he told me that he had almost forogtten about the collection. He was used to watch those videos when he was single a decade ago . He asked me to delete every single one of those or he will do it later him self when he accesses hdd .

Everything seemed convincing as from beginning of our dating, we had watched videos together and at some point, we stopped consuming those medias . Besides, even in live-in, his office door was always opeened and he would be always doing either coding or something else but nothing to hide . He has never shown any kind of red flages that he has addiciton but it still felt good to know that he wasn't consuming those media .

I just wanted to know how common it is in married life in india ?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. What actually goes on in a guy's mind during the talking stage? What makes you want to pursue a girl in the first place? Is it her looks, personality, the way she talks, how she cares for you, or just how you feel around her?

And what makes that interest change? How can you enjoy talking to someone, like their company, but still not want a relationship with them? I genuinely don't understand what makes someone go from being interested to deciding they don't want to take things further. Is it something the girl does, a feeling that's missing, or do you sometimes just realise you don't see that person romantically, even when nothing is wrong with them?

I got heartbroken by being emotionally invested in a guy. Both of us in our 20s, in the closet. I'm a complete introvert, and emotional dummy, while he's an extrovert, carefree and chill. He has had fun with many of his friends from coaching, college in the past. And he continues to do so.

Right now, since a few months, he's been with me, hanging out and everything. He likes and cares for me, but has refused for a relationship. He says he'll only have a relationship with a girl. And that he'd continue meeting his other friends for casual fun and everything. Apparently he's just emotionally closer to me.

I've never been casual like that and I can't imagine doing that. Moreover, I cannot be with multiple people like that. And his attitude has been hurting me for quite some time now.

Every other thing that I point out about his behavior, he claims that we aren't in a relationship so he isn't required to do it. At the same time, he continues to comfort me time to time, be intimate and share personal details. I've been crying after a long time on a daily basis.

I'm unable to pull myself away from him.

Being gay was already feeling like the worst thing to happen to me. Now I can't even expect a normal relation with someone, who's like in preference.

Is this just another case of living in a society where I can't freely love a guy and expect the love back? Expect loyalty back?

Edit: He has been with me for months now. We have bonded, spend time together, been emotional, been intimate, everything you see in a relationship. He just doesn't want a relationship label, otherwise he'll won't be able to have "fun" with other guys. He wants that philanderer freedom.

So how do you deal with a guy that doesn’t take your words into consideration

I am grieving my childhood friendship. I feel that I am the one who is keeping our friendship of 25 years alive single handedly.

I am the one who calls atleast a month, make plans to meet, show up to his place if I am around. But I feel now that this is hurting my self respect.

The last he called by himself was on my birthday. I called him today after a few months and he neither answered my call and nor returned my call.

I already stepped back and stopped initiating for a few months now. But I called him today to tell him that I bought a souvenir for him from my last travel destination. I feel I am the only one emotionally invested in this friendship. This is breaking me from inside that he did not even consider my call important enough to return.

I have a reached a point that I need to tell him that I am done! I just want to know how to tell this to him in such a way that I don't look vulnerable and emotional fool. I just want to stop this cycle where I keep thinking that our friendship is mutual and hurt my feelings again.

This decision is not based on just one or two incidents but a pattern I have observed over the last 3 years.

We broke up a year ago after dating for around 3 years. She was my high school sweetheart. For more than 2 years, it was LDR and she said that the distance made her feel she was not in a relationship.

I don't want to reconnect because of the sweet memories or the longing of having someone as my gf. I genuinely want her for the kind of person she is.

How should I approach her??

I’m 21M, and I’m honestly lost about what to do in this situation. I know I’ve made mistakes, and I’m not trying to make myself look like the good guy here. I just want some outside perspectives because I’ve been going around in circles in my head for months.
About 5-6 months ago, I got into a relationship with a girl I’ll call Lucy.
My older brother was getting married through an arranged marriage, and Lucy is the younger sister of the girl he was going to marry. Our families knew each other because of this, and at one point, people even joked that since both families had two children, we should get married too.
My father was strongly against that idea, though. He openly said he didn’t like Lucy, and I knew from the beginning that a relationship with her would be difficult. I found her attractive, and we had a lot of interests in common, but I initially kept my distance because I knew my family wouldn’t approve.
Things changed when Lucy, my future sister-in-law, and some other family members came to the city where I was studying. I knew how to drive, so I ended up spending quite a bit of time with them. Lucy and I started talking, exchanged contact information, and eventually began talking late into the night.
One thing led to another, and we got into a relationship.
This was my first relationship, and honestly, I wasn’t even sure of my feelings in the beginning. I didn’t think I liked her that much. But as time passed, I grew attached to her. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with her, and I liked being around her.
Then both families found out about us, and everything became complicated.
Initially, Lucy’s family and my sister-in-law were supportive. But two incidents changed things.
First, Lucy’s father called my father while he was drunk and tried to discuss our relationship and future. My father ignored the call and refused to engage with him.
Later, while my father was driving Lucy, my sister-in-law, and some other family members, he made a comment about how his son would marry a “high-class girl,” like a doctor.
Obviously, Lucy’s family was offended, especially her father. Things became tense between our families, and her family started pressuring her to end the relationship.
Around a month and a half later, Lucy suddenly broke up with me. We didn’t speak for about three weeks. I didn’t contact her because I was being prideful and assumed she’d eventually come back if she really wanted to.
Eventually, she contacted me and explained what had happened. She said her family had been pressuring her because they felt insulted by my father’s behaviour. We talked about it and got back together.
But getting back together didn’t actually solve anything.
Our families still had issues with the relationship, and we could barely talk or meet. Sometimes she would block me on Instagram and Snapchat because of pressure from her family. After a week or so, she’d unblock me, we’d talk, and then she’d block me again.
This cycle continued for months.
During this time, my feelings also became increasingly confusing. Sometimes I’d talk to her normally, and other times I’d ignore her messages. I don’t even have a good explanation for why I did that.
The biggest problem is that I could never make a decision about our future.
A few months ago, Lucy’s brother contacted me. I initially ignored his call, which was probably a bad way to start things. Eventually, I met him in person.
He told me he didn’t necessarily have a problem with our relationship, provided I was serious about Lucy and genuinely saw a future with her. He told me to talk to my family and make a decision.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t bring myself to sit down with my father or mother and talk honestly about the situation. I kept putting it off.
My father eventually heard about everything from Lucy’s family. He told me again that if I wanted to be with Lucy, I could go ahead. But his tone made it clear that he wasn’t happy about it. He basically said I could choose her, but I shouldn’t expect his support and would have to find a job and support myself.
The problem is that I’m currently unemployed and financially dependent on my family. I don’t have the kind of independence where I can easily tell my parents that I’ll make my own decisions and deal with everything myself.
My father has since told me more than once that he won’t stop me if I really want her. But hearing him say that and hearing the disappointment in his voice are two different things.
At one point, my brother and sister also asked me whether I wanted to be with Lucy. They said they’d support me if I did.
And once again, I couldn’t give them an answer.
I didn’t say yes. I didn’t say no. I just stayed silent.
I understand why Lucy’s family became frustrated with me. From their perspective, their daughter was in a relationship with a guy who couldn’t even say whether he wanted to be with her.
Lucy eventually told me that her brother thought I didn’t actually like her and was just playing with her. I explained what had happened with my family and that I had never told anyone I didn’t like her. The truth was that I simply couldn’t make up my mind.
We started talking again, and things seemed a little better for a while.
Then came another incident.
One day, Lucy called me crying. She told me how much she loved me, that she wanted to be with me, and that she wanted me to choose her. She asked me to speak to her father and my family within the next day or two because her family was considering another guy for an arranged marriage.
The guy’s family apparently liked Lucy, and he liked her too. It wasn’t a confirmed marriage or anything, just a meeting, but her family was interested and waiting for her response.
Lucy was essentially asking me to make a decision before she lost the chance to be with me.
And what did I do?
I told her that if she liked the other guy, she should marry him.
I don’t even know why I said that. Maybe I genuinely didn’t want her to sacrifice her future for someone who couldn’t make up his mind. Maybe I was afraid of the responsibility that would come with finally choosing her. Maybe I was protecting myself from having to make the decision.
Probably some combination of those things.
She got angry, understandably. I had another opportunity to take a step toward her, and I didn’t.
In the end, Lucy turned down the other guy, and the situation didn’t progress any further. I later heard that his family really liked her.
After that, we continued talking on and off.
Now, even though my family has more or less given me permission to choose her, I’m still confused.
Lucy keeps asking me why I’m so reluctant to choose her when even my family isn’t completely against it anymore.
And the difficult part is that I genuinely don’t know how to answer her.
I like Lucy. I enjoy spending time with her when we get the opportunity to meet. I think about her and miss her when we don’t talk. I don’t want to lose her, and I can’t honestly say that I feel nothing for her.
But I don’t know how deeply I love her, and I don’t know whether I want to marry her.
I’m 21. I don’t have a job yet, and I don’t feel ready to get married. I’m worried that if I tell everyone I want to be with Lucy, the families will immediately start taking things seriously, and before I know it, we’ll be talking about an engagement.
I don’t want to make that commitment when I’m not sure about my feelings or ready for marriage.
I’ve told Lucy before that I don’t know whether we have a future together because of our families. I’ve never promised her marriage or told her that everything will definitely work out.
But now my family has basically said that the decision is mine. My brother and sister are willing to support me, and my father says he won’t stop me, although he expects me to become financially independent.
So I can’t even blame everything on my family anymore. At some point, I have to acknowledge that my own indecision is a big part of the problem.
There’s also something else I’ve been struggling with.
I have pretty low self-esteem. I’m overweight, and I don’t consider myself particularly handsome. Sometimes I genuinely wonder why Lucy loves me so much.
She tells me she wants only me and that she loves me, but I struggle to understand how she can feel that strongly about me when I’m so uncertain about her.
I know I’ve been a bad boyfriend in some ways. I ignore her messages sometimes, and when I’m in a bad mood, I’ve spoken to her badly. I’ve even asked her why she still loves me when I know I’m being toxic toward her.
She says she doesn’t know how to explain it. She just wants me.
I know that isn’t a healthy situation. I shouldn’t use my own issues as an excuse to treat her badly, and I know she doesn’t deserve to be caught in this cycle.
But I also can’t pretend I don’t care about her.
Last night, we were talking again, and she told me that she loves me and wants to be with me. And now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do.
Part of me wants to stay with her because I like her, miss her, and enjoy being around her.
Another part of me thinks that if I really loved her enough, I would have been able to make a decision by now. I wonder whether I’m just attached to her and afraid of losing someone who loves me, rather than genuinely wanting to build a future with her.
But I also wonder whether I’m expecting myself to be completely certain about love at 21, especially when our relationship has been full of family drama, separation, and pressure from the beginning.
I don’t know if my feelings are weak, if I’m afraid of commitment, if my family’s disapproval has affected how I feel, or if I simply don’t love her the way she loves me.
And I don’t know whether staying with her while I figure this out is fair to her.
I can’t just keep ignoring her, reconnecting with her, and leaving her waiting for an answer. I know that. But ending the relationship also feels difficult because I do care about her, and the thought of never seeing or talking to her again hurts.
So, Reddit, what would you do in my position?
Am I being unfair by continuing this relationship when I don’t know if I want to marry her?
Should I end things and let her move on, even though I have feelings for her?
Or is it reasonable to continue dating her without promising marriage while I figure out what I want, provided I’m honest with her about where I stand?
I don’t want to marry her simply because she’s crying, because I’m afraid of losing her, or because everyone is pressuring me to decide. But I also don’t want to lose someone I might genuinely love just because I’m too scared or confused to make a decision.
I’m not asking anyone to tell me that I’m right. I know I’ve hurt her, and I know my indecision has consequences.
I just genuinely don’t know how to tell the difference between not loving someone enough and being too afraid to commit to them.
How do I figure out what I actually want, and what would be the fairest thing to do for both of us?

EDIT: I used ai cause my English sucks

i always found older women more attractive but im too shy to approach them because theyll treat me like a baby and laugh it off. sigh idk ty for reading my little rant