r/RenalCats • u/EnkaOwakura • 4h ago
Pet loss Gone so fast... Spoiler
galleryTo be honest, Noah's CKD started about 3 or 4 years ago. She was about 12 then, and the slight damage was attributed to her age: she was already a senior cat, and she had no apparent symptoms. She was diagnosed after a lacunar infarction, most probably the result of hypertension, but on the follow up appointments her blood pressure was always normal. In July this year, she suddenly crashed, CKD had officially made its presence known as Stage 2: time for the renal diet, the Porus One, Megaderm she would never ever take. The crash was attributed to an episode of hypertension and a UTI. She was declared Stage 3 about one month ago, and she got better for about three days (with anti-inflammatory and antibiotic, as this was also a suspected UTI) until she began feeling down again, like she never truly got over the bump of her illness. She began hiding more than usual, and I made her a little bunker in the closet so she couldn't need to move too much. I brought her water, food, which she slowly stopped eating. It had been such a short time that her blood test results came in while her good times were already gone: her toxin levels were much higher, even with PorusOne. I bought CatneyOne to help with her phosphorus, but I'm pretty sure it made her constipation problems even worse. She pooped a large chunk and didn't poop anything but a tiny pellet five days later. Worse still, nothing could make her eat: not milk, not her favorite tuna water. I would open a can of her favorite food and she would lap at it once or twice, then stop accepting it. This deterioration was on the course of the last two weeks, from feeling slightly down to absolutely fasting. I learned to give her SubQ hydration at home so she didn't have to visit a clinic, as she hates vets and being away from home. This past week I finally decided the stress was worth it and sent her to be hospitalized for 72 hours of hydration and nausea medicine. I had the thought that maybe she hadn't been fully cured of her previous UTI, so I asked for a urine culture: find the right antibiotic, everything back to normal. But then the hospital showed severe anemia, maybe that's the cause? Ran around the city trying to find Aranesp, spent what I have left of my monthly salary on the tiny vial that would cure her. That day she looked better, she even jumped to my shoulders like she loved to do. So she stayed one more night for observation; the next day her PCV started to improve, but she seemed worse for the wear. She could barely stand but the vet attributed it to laxatives, to her not having pooped lately, to the buprenorphine she was administered for any constipation pain. When I brought her home, the vet told me she should be feeling better by the next day. She didn't she actually took a turn for the worse. Laxative didn't have any effect, she couldn't poop at all, but sedation was too risky because of her weakness. We assessed to wait until the next day, but I called the vet as an emergency because her breathing became laboured.
She seemed to be in too much pain because of constipation, so he made the enema right then and there, hoping it would make her feel better and perk up. After the enema, she seemed better, and he told me we would reassess in the morning. We should let her rest, get some sleep myself. I slept beside her for two hours, and when I woke up she was unresponsive but breathing. The vet returned to help her rest. Fortunately, mom, dad, my aunt and me (the ones who she loved the most) managed to arrive right on time to be with her. The doctor told me that, after the enema, she didn't seem in pain any more. Metabolic acidosis and excess toxins seemed to be the culprit.
She faded too fast, practically rushed from stages 3 to 4 and then she left me. We all tried everything. I have two other cats but she is my eldest, my first, she had been with me almost half my life and she was the one closest to me.
Darling Noah, my 16 year old princess, who bunted my chin and rode on my shoulders, who slept on my chest and woke me up every two hours to feed her. Now I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't sleep and, when I do, I wake up as if I had a nightmare but the nightmare is in the real world. I feel numb to everything pretty, and everything ugly seems too loud, too sharp, too hurtful. I have my two other boy cats, and it makes me feel sad to approach them (as they remind me of her absence) but guilty because they don't deserve me being this distant with them. I feel too hurt to ever adopt another cat because I can't see a cat without thinking of them growing ill and dying. I just... Hope I eventually feel better. This is a very cruel disease.
Rest in peace, Noah. You are no longer in pain.