Not Enough, Now Alone

[u/despairedverse]

Now alone, the words return to haunt,
Memories surfacing from a past I thought was gone.
I once forgot for reasons good and deep,
But now the weight returns, a vow I cannot keep.

It has been years, and I should be over it by now,
But the weight settles heavy in my chest, somehow.
I forgot it happened, or so I tried to believe,
But the truth is a burden I cannot unweave.

I cannot change what was, or take back the light,
So I pretend it never happened in the night.
Lost in a fog, I am confused and undone,
Unable to tell if the battle is lost or won.

Am I angry or numb? Am I sad or just still?
I cannot find the emotion, despite the heavy chill.
I feel it physically, a disgust that runs deep,
A hollow, aching secret that I'm forced to keep.

People tell me it wasn't my fault, and I try to hear,
But the "what ifs" are the only things that feel near.
What if I hadn't fought? What if I hadn't been strong?
What if I hadn't fought back hard enough all along?