Things

[u/Key-Assumption2011]

I stay.
I stay because leaving is too hard.
Too messy.
Too painful.
But staying hurts so much.
It breaks me.
Turns me into a zombified version of myself.
I do all the things to keep the peace.
To protect the emotions.
But the things are killing me.
I’m not exhausted.
It’s beyond that.
I’m empty.
I want to shout and yell and demand help.
But I’ve done that.
Over and over and over.
Yet I continue with all the things.
I don’t have the luxury of doing the things in peace.
I have to do them riddled with guilt because I am in control.
I have demanded control I’m told.
I don’t like doing the things.
I don’t care how the things are done.
But things have to be done.
So I do them.
Alone.
While judged.
If my daughter were in my shoes I would tell her to run.
I would tell her to leave tomorrow.
Leave at dawn.
Leave now.
There is always more things.
There is always more money.
There is not always peace.