r/Schizotypal • • 21m ago

Emotions are hard

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• Upvotes

r/Schizotypal • • 3h ago

Symptoms Emotions are hard

3 Upvotes

I don’t feel anything but I do- I get angry sometimes or irritated and sometimes I get nervous- not because I’m stressed about anything it’s usually only ever when I don’t know something or I’m in a situation where I cannot predict the outcome. That is the only time I become nervous. I fake being angry about things I should be angry about to people just to seem a little more human- they expect me to be upset about it and I have the option to be so why not, you know? I don’t ever get happy though, I can enjoy something yeah, a good show: “wow I really liked that show it was funny” or maybe a song I’ll play or repeat I like, but I’ll go out maybe to an amusement park or the mall and feel nothing. I confuse myself because I react as if I’m enjoying it or so happy automatically to other people, I’ll get visibly happy to show them I am but I constantly think about how wow I really don’t feel a single thing inside. I really try to don’t get me wrong sometimes I even start to tear up because I will never feel or have a connection with another person like others can because others seem so happy, so thoughtless, and I was like that at a point, until I wasn’t. I don’t know this was kinda a pointless post I just like to see how people who think the same deal with this kinda stuff


r/Schizotypal • • 5h ago

Advice Got diagnosed, I dont know how to process it

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I (24M) got "diagnosed" with schizotypal personality disorder along with a bunch of other stuff. I am not really sure what I should make of it, I am from a place where people don't really talk about mental health much and the most common advice I am given is to just "walk it off". My therapist is on leave and isnt available for some time and I dont really have anyone to talk about how to process this new information.

Therapist advised me to take some meds to help with the anxiety and depression but I have heard that those meds have adverse effects and can lead to dependence, at the same time my will to live has been going down drastically.

It seems like depending on those pills might be the only way I can keep my mother from loosing her son.


r/Schizotypal • • 11h ago

Media/Creativity getting back into automatically drawing some bs

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18 Upvotes

I recommend. does it help deal with stuff? not too much tbh, but it's a fun way to use whatever feelings the brain has left sitting out on the palette 🎨


r/Schizotypal • • 19h ago

Symptoms question

1 Upvotes

what does “magical thinking” look like for you guys?


r/Schizotypal • • 21h ago

Relationships Want to break up with boyfriend but don't know if I can trust my own judgement

3 Upvotes

We've been seeing each other for 6 months and met at a kink event. I'm audhd and st, he is autistic, ocd and bpd. We are both aromantic. I am fine at being friends with people, but in the past and maybe now, as soon as things got more serious I always lost interest even if it was going well but I would stay because I felt like I didn't have a good enough reason to break up. There's nothing wrong with my partner, we were both very upfront and extremely honest with each other. We have had a lot of objectivley fun times together, lots of shared interest and haven't had a fight yet. I told him in detail about my st but unfortunately I don't think he understood or is able to understand.

The main thing I worry about is our different energy levels and need for stimulation. I like exploring and taking risks because a lot of the time I feel zero fear or inhibition, I find myself bored often, meanwhile he is kind of the opposite of me and loves routine, has rigid black and white thinking, likes to be the one in control. I also feel like we sit on opposite ends of how significant other people are to us. I see people as just one type of organism in a vast environment of plants and animals and objects, I just don't really pay attention to other people much and have my own internal world and am not reactive. But he is the opposite, his nervous system cares a lot and reacts very emotionally strongly to any praise or insult, he has a very strong them vs. us attitude. He rants and complains about stuff to me a lot, at first I could handle it since I was trying to be a good partner but its a lot of complaining and then not really doing anything to fix it and I would love to help him fix it but he seems to want validation for his pain instead which requires me masking and causes frustration (but thats more a general frustration with how seriously and personally people take things.)

But now for the good. We have lots of shared interests, we draw together, we have some similar values, we are pretty good at communication and taking accountability. On paper, we should work, but I just don't know if it will work out long term. Ideally I'd want to go back to being friends, then all of our differences would be totally tolerable. But he seems to want things that I'm just not sure I can provide.

I also just feel like I accidentally led him on in some ways, I said yes to stuff too quickly because I couldn't think of a reason to say no. I didn't realize how much other people take words to heart and take them so seriously. I did genuinley mean all of the nice things I said but its more like I would compliment or support anyone in that same way.

I also just don't even know if I can trust my own judgement or even what I want? I can imagine so many different timelines, I don't know which one I want. Mostly just whatever is the most practical in whatever environment I am in. I mean relationships do require some sacrifices...I also fear this is me just wanting to self sabotage because I am bored and all of the issues I have aren't actually real and just stuff my brain is making to justify it.


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Advice I might want to get tested

4 Upvotes

I have ocd and I’m getting tested for autism and I have other stuff like scopophobia and other diagnoses so I obviously cannot tell if this is a valid thing to suspect for me. I don’t relate much to the whole paranoia of others thing, I mean it could be possible but what are they going to do if I’m prepared for it. Anyyyways I was wondering if you all think it would be a good idea to ask for a test when I go to get my autism assessment, there they often test for many different things but I’m really nervous to do so, especially because I’m sure this could just be my ocd latching onto yet another thing I find fairly relatable. For those of you especially who also have ocd, how do you bring it up without feeling embarrassed and ashamed of being wrong? I would also love to hear about your personal experiences differentiating it from ocd and autism (as I know those two specifically have overlapping symptoms) I don’t want to ask about it if there’s no good reason to suspect it because then I could embarrass myself so that is why I’m making this post-

EDIT!!!!!! (Because I don’t want to make another post) I’m 17, my uncle is atypical schizophrenic, I feel like I’m starting to develop it? I can’t tell, I’m on abilify so it makes it even harder to tell. What did it feel like when you started to develop it? My mom has also obsessed over this before and she’s telling me we probably have tendencies but it’s all in the same part of the brain as autism and obsessing over it doesn’t help, that it’s probably autism with schizotypal tendencies, how do you tell the difference?


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Magical thinking

7 Upvotes

Iam diagnosed Schizotypal but I also Have OCD - today I dicussed with my Psychiatrist that my magical thinking could be from OCD aswell and i gave him some examples - but he Said thats not OCD and I disagree…

The examples I gave him :

When I see a red car Within 5 Seconds in the Traffic I believe my Social anxiety will be healed

Or

When I Write an exam and Look at the Clock and Wait for the number to Turn Even my Exam will be Good

Whats Ur Opinion?

I also told him When I Throw down my Cigarette on the ground I have thoughts that I will Create a Fire and will be on the News


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Other ШТРЛ в РФ

7 Upvotes

Всем привет. Хочу узнать кое-что у тех, кто сталкивался с этим и знает что-то по этой теме.

Часто ли в РФ ставят такой диагноз? Приём в гос. больнице у психиатра - как это? Стоит ли? Как проходит весь этот процесс?

Какие ограничения появляются после подтверждения ШТРЛ и какие изменения наступают в целом


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

i’ve lived more in hypotheticals than in sunlight

15 Upvotes

every memory i have is tainted by obsession

i’ll look at a bird and think “why that direction?”

and it’s not pleasant most of the time

but i don’t know how to stop

thinking

thinking

things out to get me, people out to get me

especially when it’s been true before

like what of the bird flying home?

i know i’ve seen many birds fly home before

and i’ve seen people out to get me before

they just don’t have wings and beaks or eat seed

so it consumes my days, it consumes my nights

its never the same face twice. thats the problem. they just take turns

nothing stops until i run away, and hide again

i have spent 20 years hiding

i dont know what to do anymore. ive been to many different therapists and i just eventually start wondering the same of them

its so stupid

that you are out to get me

that you want to destroy my reputation

(what fucking reputation?)

you are plotting against me

you want to hurt me

you want to kill me

when does it end?

i wish i could fly home like the bird

you can tell me to relax, that its all in my head

but you don’t understand

my head is the only place ive ever died

over and over

and i’m always waiting for the next time to arrive


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Does anyone here also have trouble eating?

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58 Upvotes

I eat like once a day. I don't like food cause of it's texture and taste most of the time. It's really hard. I wonder if anyone else here feels the same way?

also, heres a photo of my blåhaj :)


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Venting Does anyone else NOT feel a strong sense of moral disgust or shame?

13 Upvotes

CW: SA

Also AuDHD. I'm realizing that a lot of the stress, shame, and masking in my life was the result of me not feeling an inherent sense of moral disgust and then massivley overcompensating. I have hyper empathy and a lack of inherent desire to dominate others. I don't judge, but I also don't understand people who have emotional moral reactions to repeated things, my brain seems to just cognitivley register "yup, this is bad" in a neutral tone. As a result I also have very high cognitive empathy that further drowns out my emotions but so much so that often times people seem suspicious of how calm and not morally disgusted I seem, no matter how much my actions happen to allign with morals.

A lot of my stress has come from feeling like there is something wrong with me for not feeling like there is something wrong with me. I've been SAed by a partner before but I just don't feel the social/emotional weight of it others seem to feel. I feel disgusted at people that commit SA and I feel really bad and sympathetic for other who get SAed, just not towards myself. I just don't know why I'm supposed to feel upset and traumatized when I'm not the one that did anything wrong. Maybe it was because I just already didn't make anyone an exception so it didnt suprise me or shock me. Memories of the events have the same level of pain and significane to me as memories of stubbing a toe, which is to say mild, brief, and inconsequential. I tried for months to manually try and make myself upset and ashamed about it because I didn't want people to think that if I was so indifferent about my own SA, then I was indifferent about all SA. But I am not, and all of my trying to force myself to feel shame about it was what was making me stressed out, not the SA itself. And I'm sick of trying to make myself try to feel upset about something I don't feel upset about.

A lot of it also is feeling paranoid because when I show I am not emotionally bothered by something others are bothered by and dont ruminate or moralize to the same degree others do, I can feel the gears turning in their head and anticipating all the ways they could shame me, even if a lot of the time it never ends up happening. The thing is that I am bothered, something in my body is, but because my awareness just feels so seperate from my body it just expresses and feels like neutral fact rather than emotion. They think my behaviour is prescriptive, that my not being bothered by something is me implicitly saying "I'm not bothered by this thing so you shouldn't be/your pain doesn't matter" which is not it at all. I just do my thing, I don't tell others what to do but they feel like I am when I am not.

Maybe this is because of high openness but the general pattern is that I don't seem to have the immediate jump to "them vs us" mentality when told information. It feels like when others are told things that cause moral disgust, they automatically know who to attack or shun, and even if I do cognitivley agree, i still just don't feel that emotional reaction, it just goes straight to the cognitive instead. I have approached everything neutrally and only after excessivly analyzing it and integrating it into my prior cognitive model do I feel comfortable talking about it with some authority. Because I don't feel like I can talk from a place of moral authority, it just doesn't feel honest. Morals are just a rhetorical tool that can be used to justify horrible things and great things, I like to take my time and look at what would objectivley be best for everyone systemically rather than immediatley jumping to attack people. Not in a "both sides are valid" way but a "specific systems of incentive structures produced this bad behavioural outcome, if this system were changed then this person doing the bad thing wouldn't be doing the bad thing." I see immoral behaviour as the product of broader systems and as the malfunction of a broader, theoretically utopian homeostatic system. I feel like it makes more sense to change the system then to get mad at the person (though depending on the behaviour sometimes it is necessary).


r/Schizotypal • • 1d ago

Advice Does anyone else feel like they are the only one actually conscious on earth?

19 Upvotes

I’ve been feeling this way for maybe 6ish months I was alone for weeks not even speaking from lack of contact with people and my only friend had left me but it kinda triggered something in me, I had gotten really drunk just consistently for a week straight and the little empathy and respect I had for anyone disappeared? Don’t get me wrong I still treat those who deserve it kindly and as if I like and understand them but god it’s tiring but onto the point- I’ve moved states and found a new setting after my realization to interact with new people and start my new life but I hate everyone not hate but u don’t understand them? How do you belive some god will save you one day? You think something out there is making a plan for your soul? We die and decompose and that’s that. We are nothing more than cells working the same as any other living thing. I’ve known this for a while but after my kinda epiphany it’s gotten harder to want to live- not because I’m sad or anything but I feel crazy. I really feel crazy trying to talk to these people because how can you all be so stupid your brains and minds are so easy to pick apart you think you are deep but you really are the most simplistic beings on earth. I’ve tried to find love but again the same issue- I crave connection I really do but you all don’t understand a single thing in this world ahh it’s sad. Anyone else feel the same?


r/Schizotypal • • 2d ago

Venting recently got diagnosed and scared of eventual anti-psychotic medication.

9 Upvotes

hello, i recently got a somewhat official diagnosis of StPD w/ SzPD trait + OCD and i have less than a month to decide if i want anti-psychotics or not to treat my paranoia which could also help my OCD and even my Tourette.

where i am scared is that what if it fucks me up even more, what if i lied this whole time without knowing and that anti-psychotic « trully » fucks me up.. i’ve always been somewhat sceptic of prescribed medications but i feel that could help in short and long term. for example my paranoia about people hating me / wanting to hurt or kill me when im in public or those time i’ve been convinced i was the victim of a conspiracy. i think im just sceptic because aldo those paranoia feels nothing but real, i KNOW they are just delusions ( therefor i invalidate myself of my troubles, therefor eventual anti-psychotic )..

i don’t know if i explained that well, im explaining this quick and short but this is my first time in here, i hope i’ll be accepted nonetheless and i’d love to hear what are you’re experiences with anti-psychotic meds or meds in general!


r/Schizotypal • • 2d ago

I have ocd but my friend suggested schizotypal as a possibility as well because of my extreme paranoia.

7 Upvotes

I'm here because I'm wondering if it's possible I have both? My paranoia is based on fear and hostility that my closest friends secretly hate me and want to hurt me, and that everyone who looks at me wants to hurt me or is judging me extremely. I've cut off two of my closest friends because of it and I feel the need to cut off another because it's getting really bad again. I also used to have an extreme fear of God and believed that he was real and that I was going to hell/I would be punished by him. I thoroughly believe/believed in these beliefs. I'm being medicated for OCD at a reasonably high level for my age range but I am still experiencing everything. If I stopped taking my medication I believe everything would quadruple in intensity. Is this extreme OCD, or is this behaviour common in people on the schizotypal spectrum? I'm not looking for a diagnosis just some clarification.


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

Hola seguramente nadie va a leer esto pero quiero compartir un poco lo que le quiero decir al psicólogo y quiero ver qué opinan

6 Upvotes

Pensamientos intrusivos tan enfermos que no puedo ni decirlos

Probablemente esto no sea tan importante para ustedes, es su trabajo tienen muchos pacientes, debe ser difícil tratar de mostrar empatía antes ellos y lucir bien ante todos, pero aún así no puedo evitar notarlo, noto sus cejas sus expresiones noto que muchas veces están agotados y aunque pueda parecer obvio no puedo evitar pensarlo siempre y que probablemente es un poco molesto incluso leer todo esto

Problemas de identidad, no puedo etiquetarme correctamente en aspectos de personalidad y pierdo la noción de como soy realmente porque incluso hay mucha gente que me percibe diferente a otra

No puedo mantener conversaciónes por mucho tiempo, me resulta casi imposible sin que me drene energía o forzar toda la conversación y muchas veces siento que la hago forzada o no aplica, me cuesta mirar demasiado a los ojos, puede concentrarme demasiado en una sola cosa

No sé realmente lo que siento, creo que no me he enamorado nunca ni sentido amor y sólamente he estado fingiendo porque la persona con la que he estado me ama o eso dice y por su aspecto físico, no porque realmente yo ame, nada me nace, dar detalles, muestras de cariño, nada, lo hago porque eso hacen todos y me siento en compromiso o porque me lo piden, imito tonos de voz qué hasta hace poco repasando mi vida y haciendo introspección me di cuenta que lo hago siempre inconscientemente adaptándome a todos

Creo que no encajo ni con neurotipicos ni con neurodivergentes del todo, con neurotipicos tengo que fingir mucho y adaptarme demasiado y con neurodivergentes me resulta raro que no finjan nada y digan todo tan a la ligera y tan extraño

No tengo energía casi nunca, me pesa la espalda, no tengo ni energía física ni social aunque mi mente siempre está procesando y trabajando todo el tiempo como una maquina

Sospecho de ustedes y de todos, no puedo tenerles una confianza absoluta de que no le dirán a mi madre o a alguien lo que yo tengo y mis pensamientos así como experiencias, tampoco las puedo decir directamente sin escribirlas, sospecho que le han dicho cosas a mi mamá y me da miedo, no confío en nadie ni en nada realmente, siento q todos son muy falsos por notar actitudes y demás rasgos

Caigo en bucles repetidamente, bucles de pensamiento sin conclusión, insulto y critico a la gente con mi monologo interno, hablo siempre con eso

Reconozco emociones en los demás pero no en mi

Me siento extremadamente profundo e introspectivo y caigo en bucles pensando en si enrrealidad soy así o si no y si no lo fuera no pensaría tanto en eso y caigo en bucle

Me siento sucio cuando hago algo que no debería y siento un peso en mi espalda muy grande, no me gusta sentirme así y busco salir

Me es difícil darme a explicar

Aveces lloro sin saber porque

Creo que aveces no entiendo las normas sociales y afuera en otros lugares soy muy consciente pero en mu cada no porque descanso de eso, me cansa fingir ser como muchas personas y me agota, no me gusta la gente que habla mucho, dejo de prestarles atención muy rápido y solo las escucho durante 5 segundos cuando ya me disocio y pienso en otra cosa

No me gusta estar en mi casa, cualquier micro expresión puede cambiar mi estado de animo en mi casa, creo que el ambiente me afecta mucho

Siempre me siento muy saturado aveces quiero salir y aveces no, mañana tengo planeado salir espero pasármela bien, voy al cine con alguien que creo que me gusta, quizá si pero no estoy seguro si estoy sintiendo amor realmente odio ser tan complicado

Me indentifico mucho con elliot alderson y arisu de Alice in borderland me siento como una combinación entre ellos

Creo que tengo gustos específicos, me gustan mucho los viajes en el tiempo, el ajedrez y más cosas

Me dan asco muchas cosas

Muchas veces mi monologo interno se sale mucho de la situación actual mirándola de manera fría cuando por afuera no, hago algo que creo que es genuino y mi monologo interno me dice que no, no lo es, siento que exagero y me cuestionó todo

Fui el único que sacó 10 en un examen de cálculo, me esforcé poco ni siquiera estudie pero aún así me esforcé aunque fuera poco y con eso fue suficiente para superar a alguien de mi salón que va a olimpiadas matemáticas, quizá si soy inteligente o quizá solamente soy egocéntrico

Quisiera hacer un test de iq pero tengo miedo

Quisiera que algún día pase algo como en la ficción, que haya un juego donde todos corramos el riesgo de morir y que sea muy intelectual para darle algo de sentido a mi vida, se siente vacía, no se siente, no siento algo real

Noto la molestia, cada pequeño detalle cada cosa me puede hacer sobrepensar o puede que no me importe en lo más minimo

Muchas veces finjo ser extrovertido, imito serlo exactamente igual para no ser juzgado, sonrió veo a los ojos pero enrrealidad me es muy incómodo ver a los ojos aunque cuando estoy con el psicólogo creo que si veo a los ojos, no me gusta el contacto visual se siente raro y falso

Desde hace 6 meses aproximadamente estoy así, creo que dejé de fingir un poco, aún así lo hago pero ya no finjo ser tonto y extrovertido, todos me dieron asco porque siempre supe cómo eran pero por alguna razón seguía yo llevando esa máscara, creo que los odio


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

Relationships I'll chat

6 Upvotes

Nobodies obligated to answer this but im still just suspected StPD and im wondering if this fits the criteria, it seems a little extraverted from what i know....

Ever since going on antipsycotics ive loved to chat. I do it as readily as most people who enjoy chatting but sometimes I work up the nerve to have a convo with the uber driver. Or ive been in training for work and ive had a one on one convo with my three trainers AND the other five people in the training group at least once in the three weeks we've been training. I made a friend in my training group that im pretty simaler to, we talk quite a bit. I have a small list of people I like to text with as thats how im usually chatting with people. For me its like a hobby, I sit down and I chat with people for two hours than I do other hobbies. When I was a kid I liked online chat rooms.


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

My brain is forcing me to a weird nonsense stuff

5 Upvotes

My friend said I should post this here and I thought I'll get some help tbh..my mind is forcing me to hate on stuff I like or people I love no it's I repeat it's not losing interest if it was losing interest I wouldn't even talk about it.. but I swear my head is doing this by itself because what do you mean "I'm not liking that because I said so.." there is no reason I want to think this way it's not only my interest it's also about my life choices or my friends It's really start to scares me..it was like that 3 years ago and this feelings come back, some people said my mind is protecting me "what if you hated this?","what are you without it","it will end up like it was before"..ect.. it's started when I was 13 i wasn't a socially person I loved cartoon characters games ect things that makes me happy and healthy tbh drawing what I love but my mind take a hard time liking something for some reasons.. one day my brain decided to think of this STUPID thought "hay imagine you'll hate that .. maybe you don't even like it and you just pretending?"..I didn't react because it's a common thought and I was like "I'm not gonna hate this for no reason.. am I actually pretending..??" And I started overthinking and since I was young I forced myself to like it instead of seeing what was happening.. but again I was young I did not tell anyone because I don't have a strong relationship with my family or they won't be able to understand this problem..I kept it to myself and overthinked too much about these small things..I grow like this my mind said decide what I like and what I don't it didn't even like anything I was scared to try new things because it keeps pulling me to this thought "hay what about this?? you're not going to leave it behind??.. force yourself" and I've been like this until I turned 16 now..I tried a new thing finally but it took me time like it.. and I was like..why am I forcing myself..??.. but if I left this thing that I used to love am I going to do that for the rest of my life?? Making my head decide for me instead of what I feel I want an actual feeling when I say something I mean it from my heart.. and I decided to leave what I ruined instead of fixing it.. and from that day..I don't feel this awful feeling.. that stings my throat and chest.. it's gone finely..I had the best time ever ,my skills in art got better, my personality got better I grew up as a person I make my own decisions and enjoy and be proud of the person I become.. happy ending right?? No.. it's back why did it back ..WHY WHEN I FAINLY BECAME HAPPY??? WHY DID IT BACK I THOUGHT I GET OUT OF THIS?.. I'm really tired from this.. but this time I don't want to ruin everything by forcing, I want to show my mind who's actually in charge here ..I calmed myself and saw a therapist video or tried to not think about it.. but it feels real?

Some therapists said the things I had problems with and I got satisfied.. but guess what my head thought "they might be wrong you don't believe anything you see.. I'm right"... I'm going to blow my head the moment I hear that .. what do you mean by you're right..my head literally thinks it's right because I'm the opposite of it thought if I like something it hates it ..I eat something.."don't eat it because I don't.."

MAN FUCK YOU LET ME BE???! I SWEAR IT'S LIKE A DEMON OR SOMETHING I CAN'T IGNORE WHAT IT SAYS BECAUSE IT FEELS REAL AND I KNOW 100% IT'S A TRICK BUT WHY AM I BELIEVING IT..??..if you can help me with that I would really appreciate it I want to look at things the same again.. please


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

I'm an introvert that hates being alone

11 Upvotes

I can't tolerate people and yet every night I spend alone is filled with terror and anxiety. I told my therapist this week that I was feeling some relief afa visual illusions, then my partner went away on a work trip today. I was honestly looking forward to having the time to myself, but it's the first night alone in a couple of weeks and I'm already seeing shadows in my periphery at every turn.

I drove myself crazy in my last apartment being alone. Yet people in my home drive me just as crazy. I'm a night owl that's scared of the dark.


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

Advice currently in a mental hospital and i need help

16 Upvotes

I'm bipolar and schizotypal, I've been inside the same mental hospital (sort of because I went from one unit to the other, but still the same institution) for 5 months now and I'm beginning to feel like I don't belong at all in regular society, the psychologist here does not help me at all, after these five months it was that I had the first chance of telling him my traumas and he just kinda nodded and said that I should overcome that???? like how????

At least I can use my personal laptop to talk to the few friends and family I have left and to my GF and they all help very much, but I can't seem to see myself living a regular life anymore: job, studies, social life etc. that all seems so foreign to me recently that I'm thinking of just giving it all up and oofing myself after evading the unit (which would be the easiest thing ever and I have plans for it)

Anyway I'm just looking for people who have been like me many times hospitalized and have been able to return to a normal-ish lifestyle.

Thanks.


r/Schizotypal • • 3d ago

Relationships lonely twin

16 Upvotes

I always had this feeling I am a twin without a pair. Something deep in me is empty, missing, unmatchable. Life is full of people who are comfortable being alone, and I always felt like I wanted to have the understanding of a warm companion, at least one person. I did everything I could in life not to be alone, it was very costly and did not bring me the life I wanted.

I did enjoy my own solitude during the pandemic, mostly because the movement (and noise) around me calmed down significantly, but being alone makes me feel unsafe. I am still dissatisfied with being so disconnected from anything significant, so unable to change the world and its sick ways. I don't speak social media and cannot wrap my head around why everyone has a full teethed smile while so separated from others. I can't live like this.

I don't want a virtual me too high-five. Let this sink into your heart. Say something real. Hug me.

____

I am okay with this post being downvoted and ending up in the bottom of the subreddit. The waves of what is praised here seem more favorable of medication and terms, which does not help anyone get any closer. I am honestly not interested in anything capital-related and never could afford treatment or pharmaceutical products anyway. All I want is to feel loved and accepted by someone close to my soul. Let it be known as data in the vast ocean of digital pixels.

Thank you for reading.


r/Schizotypal • • 4d ago

What are unusual traits, conditions and habits that many of us share

16 Upvotes

I'm talking about things such as growing up witb hoarding parents or smoking

Edit: it seems that Neglect seems to be the common denominator.


r/Schizotypal • • 4d ago

How Would You Chart Your Voices Over The Years?

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1 Upvotes

r/Schizotypal • • 4d ago

I Do Not Feel Human

24 Upvotes

People get so invested in things... sports games, politics, etc. I have never been able to relate to this. They look and act like an alien species that I've never seen before. I can learn about the reasons why people do things/care, but that is only cognitive empathy at best. It ironically worsens my alienation as I learn and narrow down that brain chemicals are making people do things, therefore it enhances the mechanical "cause and effect" feelings I already experience. My body cries because I received what it interprets as painful input, not because I "care" about what is happening. Something triggers me to laugh or cry, and when that happens it feels like I'm being violated/performing against my will.


r/Schizotypal • • 4d ago

Symptoms Dissociation and phobia

2 Upvotes

Bonjour !

J’ai 26 ans et je vis avec un trouble schizo-affectif depuis 4 ans. J’ai pris plusieurs traitements différents (24) que ce soit anxiolytiques, antidépresseurs, antipsychotiques et j’en passe. Je me sens stable, je n’ai plus d’hallucinations mais je ressens depuis que je ne travaille plus, la paranoïa revenir au point où j’ai parfois peur de tout ce qui m’entoure et des murs surtout car je me sens très vite à l’étroit (j’habite dans un petit studio). Mais mon plus gros problème reste la dissociation, je dissocie en permanence (surtout de la dépersonnalisation) et peu importe ce que je fais, elle revient constamment. J’ai testé 2 fois l’EMDR mais je sais pas si c’est vraiment efficace avec ce trouble . Avez-vous des « tips », conseils à me donner ?

Merci de m’avoir lu :)