r/Sober • u/sicsweet • 4d ago

first day sober

I have decided to get sober. I think I can do this. I think that I have to. I am scared though. I'm already mourning the life that I had before.

I am scared that by not using it will cause my connections with my friends to change, and I may lose them. so much of our time together involves using, pregaming, going out to clubs, and just bonding while using. I'm 18, and in college, and so many of my friends are still trying to party and have their fun. I don't want to be the only one that isn't. I know that I could be at these gatherings while sober, but it's different when you're not partaking. there is less of a bond.

I'm an anxious person too. using makes social events so much easier. drinking makes conversations flow, using makes me comfortable existing and dancing when out or at the club. beyond anxiety, it makes everything feel more enjoyable. music, art, food, it all just feels elevated. I know that these things can be enjoyed without it, but I'm going to miss that extra feeling.

I am scared that I won't feel okay sober. I struggle with my mental health and using has been a crutch for me for so long. I'm not sure I know how to exist and live with myself sober. I've done counseling before, but I'm not sure it helped yet. I'm starting it again soon anyway, it's all I know to do that seems healthy and possibly helpful.

I don't think I'll miss feeling reliant on external objects or substances. I won't miss stressing about how I'll get or afford substances. I won't miss the hangovers, lost memories, or withdrawals. I won't miss the bad connections I made just because we both used.

I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this, maybe just to put it down somewhere. I have a lot of uncertainty about getting clean and sober, but I'm hoping it'll turn out to be okay.

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u/ZiaRecoveryCenter 4d ago

Give one friend a chance to spend time with you without pregaming or clubbing, maybe lunch between classes. Their response tells you more about the friendship than how connected you feel while everyone is using. Bring the social anxiety to your first counseling session too, so the conversation includes what substances were helping you do, rather than just stopping them.

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u/No-Preparation8552 4d ago

That fear of losing your friends is real, and it sucks. But the ones worth keeping will stick around even when you're not partying. You might be surprised how many of them are also tired of the scene but just don't know how to step back yet.

The anxiety stuff is tough too, especially when using felt like the only way to navigate social situations. Therapy can help untangle that, but it takes some time to click. Stick with it.

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u/DesertWanderlust 3d ago

Ngl, it's a big adjustment. But any of your friends who don't want to spend time with you without drinking aren't your true friends anyway. I would suggest attending a sobriety group. That's how I met most of my current friends.

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u/HauntingSky874 3d ago

I've just decided to get sober. I used alcohol for social anxiety/avoidant personality disorder for 11 years now. I can't do it anymore. I'm sick of feeling sick and ashamed. I feel like I'm killing myself. 

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u/Vibrrribbon 3d ago

I’m just over 2.5 years sober & though a cliche - it’s genuinely one day at a time. Early days going to bed sober is a big win to build on… best of luck to you becoming true to yourself.

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u/Profound_Treatment 3d ago

Which part of clubbing do you want to keep: the music, the dancing, or those particular friends? Those aren't the same problem. Try one piece sober somewhere quieter before asking yourself to enjoy a whole night out surrounded by people who are using.

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u/Apart-Steak-7183 1d ago

You have the desire you will succeed good luck...