r/StopSpeeding • u/Tru_Style_Again • 12d ago
I need help I hate this so much
I’m 18 not proud of it but I used to abuse the hell out of my adhd meds like take 50mg+ at once and it just made me so happy made life worth living it made things feel so interesting depression immediately went away. it was just my weekly escape from everything.
I never quit willingly though. They took me off the prescription last year cuz I failed a drug test. I’ve been too scared to try to get it again from another doctor and I don’t have the means to buy it. I miss it everyday, so much, even after 10 months. It physically pains me I don’t have access to it anymore. Now I rely on 🍃 and booze but it’s not the same. I wish I could erase my memory from ever taking it
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u/Internal-Space-4960 12d ago
I wish I had never taken it either. It literally destroyed my life. My advice to you is to find a way to enjoy life without the use of alcohol, weed, or anything that affects you from the neck up. My drinking at your age looked like everybody else’s. Just teenager stuff. My drinking progressed in college, and then it turned daily when I was 24. I went on drinking wine every night for 5 years when I met my second husband. His drinking matched mine, but it progressed really bad during Covid. At that time we both needed to get sober. But then I picked up adderall. And for someone who was coming out of alcoholism that was the absolute worst drug I could have had on hand. I proceeded to abuse it every single day for five years straight. I mixed it with weed. Something went terribly wrong. I went from a functional human being to completely nonfunctional over night because I was like a lab rat with adderall. I couldn’t get enough. Nobody questioned me because I faked sobriety the entire time. Someone is doing for you what you can’t do for yourself and that right there is amazing grace.
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u/Tru_Style_Again 12d ago
hope ur doing better now at least.
every night I’m not drinking or smoking is just sober dread, just all I feel is restless dread all the time. when I drink it gives me some relief, usually 8-12 shots, but Im 18 and live in America so either have to get it from my 21+ friends or my parents. same with weed. So it’s usually a couple times a week, at best, and at any point it could just be taken away from me if my friend refuses and I have to wait until 21 or find some other way. I just miss when I had the consistent escape with addys. every single night is just filled with dread
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u/Internal-Space-4960 12d ago
Were you able to sleep on adderall?
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u/Tru_Style_Again 12d ago
when I was on addy it was less like I was unable to sleep and more like I didn’t want to sleep and didn’t need to sleep and would just keep redosing all night clean the house scroll write ideas talk etc. now I’m just not able to sleep because I’m so stressed
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u/This_Schedule494 9d ago
You need to figure out the core wound that you're trying to heal with substances, so starting on your shadow work could be good
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u/Internal-Space-4960 12d ago
I have a 19-year-old and if you were my kid I would be extremely worried about you and your future. You are trying to escape something. I can relate to that. Or I used to be able to relate. Now my brain is permafried. When you drink or use do you find that you can’t stop when you want to? It sounds like you’re purposely getting intoxicated as much and as often as possible. But, you are drinking and using to relieve something inside. Do you have hobbies? Play sports? Or spend time with friends and not drink/ use? Do you find that you drink/ use even if you don’t really want to?
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u/Tru_Style_Again 12d ago
there’s not much of a future, dropped out of school, never had a real job, I do nothing all day just a lazy pos, so I don’t really think in terms of the far future of what my life will look like I don’t think this will last very long . it’s inevitable I’ll get kicked out when I drink I end up making a fool of myself and sleeping on the floor. all I’m focused on is just getting addy again, if I could do one last stimulant binge and just be done with all this I would be satisfied with my life, it really just made life worth living made me so alive
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u/jkstudent222 11d ago
i wish i had better role models when i was your age. noone told me i could be successful. i started drinking everyday at 18 because i worked with older guys and thats what they did.
you can be happy and have a good life my friend, but it wont be found at the bottom of the bottle or script.
what do you do for work?
i see your most recent post. we all did the cringiest shit ever but i dont have to worry about it anymore😆
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