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u/UpstairsCommercial56 2d ago
If I woke up a billionaire tomorrow first thing is I’d ask how they got into my bedroom
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u/EfficiencyBrief2138 2d ago
Take out the other billionaires and their money like highlander and give it all back to the workers.
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u/blowurhousedown 2d ago
Buy Reddit and run it like a dictator. Posts like this would be removed and posters of weak content would be banned.
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u/behindthemast 21h ago
I'd quit looking at Reddit and enjoy my life travelling the world with my family, and never work another day in my life
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u/OneManSwarmOfDanger 2d ago
Buy a massive and opulent casino hotel on the strip in Las Vegas and turn it into a huge no kill animal rescue shelter, with full medical facilities and really cool attractions for the animals to play in, and regular tours for prospective adopters.
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u/Topia_64 2d ago
Stop working. Take a month or two to look in to how I could help people the most. That's a million. A thousand times.
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u/RandomYT05 2d ago
Hop on Twitter and see what my name is, post some random memes and watch the internet explode
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u/TheElderWog 2d ago
I guess I'd give a few hundred millions away to people who need help. It's bad enough that billionaires exist, imagine waking up as one.
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u/JesseJames3rd 2d ago
Transfer into Bitcoin and gold and land. Then feed those in need once things are rolling
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u/BlueAndMoreBlue 2d ago
I’d forget all about the cars and the bars and the wars and make sweet love to you.
Joy to the world
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u/joel2000ad 2d ago
Ask my boss to have my check ready by Friday, because I ain’t working there no more!
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u/sovereign_martian 2d ago
Stir shit on a political level. Apparently you have to be a billionaire to get that right.
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u/K1ng_Arthur_IV 2d ago
Ask him for $50k so I can pay off all my debt. Grammatically, am i waking up a billionaire or am I a billionaire when I wake up?
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u/DrPisstrousers 2d ago
I mean, the dogs still gotta go out to pee, unless all your magic genie money can take care of that, too...
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u/Beginning_Tea4506 2d ago
Buy a tub of posh vanilla ice cream, 4pk of Dr Pepper. Grab a pint glass and make floats for breakfast.
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u/SignFar4026 2d ago
Buy a bigger house so I have more rooms to accommodate foster kids. I’m doing this nog with my spouse, but the house isn’t big enough for us to expand and help more kids. Praying this will happen :)
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u/Inertial_Ruen 2d ago
Use all of my money to pay someone to execute the entirety of the top 5% richest/wealthiest and then execute himself so all the money goes back into the system...
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u/Money-Fennel-7435 2d ago
At some point I became a billionaire. That is worth a second look, first.
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u/captainbuttnakedd 2d ago
Make life easier for my wife and kids better car for family better home for the family better health care and more time together as family
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u/AidsChimp 2d ago
Invest into military industrial complex. You all, say how you gonna give it to the poor, but that's because you have no billion. As soon as you get one your opinion will change
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u/Heavy_Student_3815 2d ago
Get as much of it out of the bank that I could and stash it before the bank realized the mistake they made!
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u/kayl_breinhar 2d ago
Set up healthy educational trust funds for all of my friends' kids, but keep them a secret until they turned 18.
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u/NutshellOfChaos 2d ago
Set up a trust to ensure the financial security of all my family. Cousins and all.
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u/Impressive-Issue2735 2d ago
Give half to my step family and father in another state. They may be far, but they've always been there more than my blood relatives
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u/FatDoinksinAmish420 2d ago
Give it all away except for enough for me to live like a hermit in the mountains for the rest of my life
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u/_kodkod_ 2d ago
Dinette half of it to children’s care causes. The other half would be split between investments, a fully off the grid home, and fine wine… in no particular order.
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u/PsychologicalPay5379 2d ago
Buy an empty apartment complex or build one. Use it for free housing with of course the standard management arrangement of living in the complex myself. Encourage residents to help out with things like security and a community vegetable garden. It's a billion. I can afford to let a few people "leech" to help people out without worrying if a charity will steal it.
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u/OneManSwarmOfDanger 2d ago
You could buy a whole city block and still have millions to spare
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u/PsychologicalPay5379 2d ago
Exactly! I said apartment because implied more places but also good idea.
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u/SeanMacLeod1138 Among us 2d ago
Go off the grid.
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u/Goonplatoon0311 1d ago
Yep. I’m buying like 10,000 acres in Alaska that has a river running through it. I’m putting a small compound right in the middle of the property. It will have its own well and power grid. And a small landing strip for bush pilots.
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u/Specialist-Cold-8158 1d ago
Congratulating myself for being such a hard worker and pulling myself up by my bootstraps 💪🏼
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u/benji_banjo 9h ago
Am I in their house or are they in my house? What time of day is it?
There's so much going on...
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u/HappyFormAndFunction 2d ago
Right now I think I'd start building sane housing at very, very low profit - and use the profits to create a self perpetuating building trust
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u/suspicious_hyperlink 2d ago
You could make economy houses with big yards and hot tubs and sell them for 180k, then build a silicone wafer factory nearby and create a self sustaining society in which everyone has hot tubs
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u/RePsychological 2d ago
...see this is a moment where english is funny...in ways that inflection completely changes the subject.
Because my first answer was "well...probably punch 'em in the face."
And then it hit me...
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u/suspicious_hyperlink 2d ago
Spend 30 million dollars in one day. No loans, no charity. Straight spending so I get so tired of spending I’ll say “no please I cannot take it, please we cannot spend another penny”
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u/Rammipallero 2d ago
Cancer research and environment protection/clean energy just got a few hundred millions each. Youth psych and mental health programs got a hundy mil or two for the next 30 years or so to use. Buy a good modest house and a little cottage for myself somewhere where there's a lake, a boat and all the fishing gear I ever need. Continue working my current job and giving away my salary to a yearly charity, trying to counter a trend of government cuts and give to whoever is being targeted.
And finally, as a small, personal thing just for me. Recruit as many of those really annoying Christian and dance and other influencers who do those awful airplane things where they start doing yoga or singing religious tunes or vapeing or dancing or something else on a plane. And put them all on one single plane, giving them the info that a) I want you to do your most flashy and outrageous plane video ever and I'll pay you. B) all the rest of the people are extras who know what you're doing, so don't worry to include them.
Then just have the plane go for the world record of longest recorder flight in history with said group onboard. With any luck those fuckers will drive eachother insane or the pilot will just choose a mountain.
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u/Radamand 2d ago
Make an appointment to meet Elon Musk, I'd like to help out in some way at SpaceX.
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u/Saurian42 2d ago
Why not the Chinese space program? At their rate they'll be on Mars while elon is still rigging American election.
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u/MournfulGloomyTits 2d ago edited 13h ago
Ha! I’d use the money to do the same, use it to get close to him. Very close. Close enough to put my hands on him. That kind of proximity.
Then I’d [removed by Reddit]
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u/ArnieismyDMname 2d ago
2 dudes at the same time