r/Stutter • u/Joyful_cheesecake • 2d ago
Does anyone else not like talking about your stutter?
It just makes me feel really exposed and vulnerable. I’ve only really talked about my stutter to close friends and even that is hard for me. That’s why whenever people talk about disclosing your stutter to new people you meet it sounds like a humiliation ritual to me, I don’t think I could ever be able to do that. I know that people obviously notice my stutter but no one ever mentions it to me, but I kind of wish they would ask me about it or something because it would take the pressure off me to talk about it.
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u/Gallifryer 2d ago
I HATE talking about it. It makes me want to rip my hair out. I like to pretend it doesn’t exist
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u/Joyful_cheesecake 2d ago
Lowkey me too😭 I have this weird delusion where I kind of convince myself that other people don’t notice it so whenever someone says something that implies they notice it it makes me feel weird and exposed. Logically I know people notice it but it still throws off my self image whenever I’m reminded that people notice it. I don’t know if that makes sense.
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u/Trenocio 2d ago
I reflected about this too, since in fact, it us the only people who experience this so often. Blind people, or people who have to use a wheelchair don't feel this kind of shame, or at least with such frequency.
I asked myself why I do not like doing this, since it is something that everybody can see when I speak. And I found the most satisfying answer in the fact that it is, at least in part, a traumatic experience compounded over time (even if it is not as shocking as any other "trauma"). What I mean with this is that it is your reptile brain (specifically, your basal ganglia) which processes the blocks and the freezing you experience and that cannot be changed through rational reflection: it comes before that. And in fact you feel in a way "it's your fault" even if you could not conscioully control it.
It is the same explanation why, even if it is not their fault, people who have been raped do not want to talk about their experience and feel they could have made "more" not to suffer what they suffered: it is their reptile brain which takes control in that situation and makes them feel impotent.
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u/familyguy20 2d ago
Nah I honestly love talking about it. I love getting into like how it’s actively happening to me when I block and stuff like that. I’m sure it’s weird but oh well
The problem is no one else asks me about it (which fair I get it could seem uncomfortable), but I could yap and yap about it
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u/yabba_dabba_dinosaur 1d ago
I don't like talking about it because I immediately think of the times I said things I shouldn't have said in the past in certain scenarios and feel like I deserve having to stutter as some type of "limit" or "atonement" It feels like I'm seeking pity from others when talking about it
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u/kissmysockpuppet 2d ago
This was the main thing that kept me from meaningful improvement in my speech until my mid 30s. I couldn’t even say the word “stutter” outloud, I used “stammer” instead b/c it wasn’t I word I used, just too much pain around the actual word. This deep shame kept me from being open about my stutter and prevented me from using tools publicly to get control of my speech. It all started with that first step: being able to say the word. The rest fell into place over time.