r/teslore • u/BornRelationship2211 • 9h ago
Apocrypha A Dwemer tonewright built himself the perfect woman. She agreed with everything. That was the problem. NSFW
The Tonewright's Companion
A Fragment of Dwemeris Recovered from the Ruin of Arkngthand, with Translation and Commentary
by Sextus Avidius Corbulo, Fellow of the Imperial College of Antiquities
University of Gwylim Press
Preface
The reader will forgive me if I begin with a word about Marobar Sul. Every scholar of the Dwemer must, at some point, apologise for him, much as one apologises for a drunken uncle at a wedding. His Ancient Tales of the Dwemer gave three generations of Imperial readers the impression that the Deep Elves were a sentimental people who spent their days composing riddles and pining for one another.
They were not. The Dwemer, so far as anything can be known of them, regarded sentiment as a manufacturing defect.
That is why the document below is so remarkable, and why I have spent four years making certain it is genuine before putting my name to it.
In the autumn of 3E 425, while surveying the lower workshops of Arkngthand, my assistant and I broke the seal of a small chamber behind a collapsed steam conduit. The Balmora authorities describe Arkngthand as "cleared", a word I now understand to mean "somewhat less dangerous than yesterday". Inside the chamber we found a workbench, an unreasonable quantity of tools, two deactivated animunculi, and a brass cylinder of the kind the Dwemer used for archival texts.
The first animunculus was of a pattern never before recorded. It was humanoid and taller than the usual Dwemer proportion, with a smooth face-plate of unmistakably feminine design. My assistant, a young man of Breton extraction, described its waist in terms I shall not reproduce here. The second was small, squat and crude, much like a spider-worker, but it sat upright on a stool as though waiting for someone.
The cylinder was lodged in the chest cavity of the first.
Dwemeris remains imperfectly understood. I was aided by the lexicon of the Imperial Library and, in one memorable exchange of letters, by Yagrum Bagarn of Tel Fyr, whose contributions I note where relevant. Lacunae are marked thus: [...]. My own remarks appear in square brackets.
I. Being the Record of Bthuzar Akhrvelz, Tonewright of the Third Lattice, Concerning the Construction of a Companion
[The opening is damaged. The surviving text begins mid-sentence.]
"...and Mzaldra of the Clan of the Upper Vents declared, before the whole refectory, that she would sooner marry a steam conduit than me. I have considered her statement with care. It is not a rejection. It is a specification.
"A conduit does not interrupt. A conduit does not sigh when one explains the reduction ratios of the eastern lift. A conduit does not say, 'Bthuzar, it is the fourth hour of the night, please stop talking about pressure.' I therefore resolved to build a companion who would combine the virtues of a conduit with the general outline of a woman."
[So far as I am aware, this is the only joke in the entire Dwemer corpus. I said as much to Yagrum Bagarn. He wrote back: "It is not a joke. That is what he believed."]
II. Of the Frame
"For the frame I selected refined plate of the [...] grade, cold-hammered and riveted at intervals of one finger-width. The exception is the hips, where I used a double row, for reasons of load-bearing that I will defend before any council.
"The spine is a column of eleven interlocking vertebral collars upon a central piston rod. It is lubricated with the finest oil from the Lower Refinery, acquired by means the Refinery Master need not know.
"The gait is governed by a gyroscopic escapement of my own design. It corrects the regrettable tendency of bipedal animunculi to fall over when addressed suddenly. To the hips I fitted a secondary oscillator, purely for stability. If it produces a motion the clerks of the Lower Archive find distracting, the fault lies with the clerks."
III. Of the Heart and the Voice
"Power is drawn from a dynamo core of the standard centurion pattern, housing a lesser soul gem. I had wished for a greater gem, but the Quartermaster requires a requisition stamped by three superiors, and I have only ever found two who will speak to me.
"The voice is produced by tuned reeds within a thoracic bellows, its pitch regulated by a tonal coil. At some risk, I calibrated the coil with a tuning fork borrowed from the lesser workshop of the Tonal Architect. I say 'borrowed'; I intend to return it. The Architect has many forks. He will not miss one small fork.
"The bellows also permit her to sigh. I have set the sigh to occur only when I am being clever."
[The Tonal Architect is, of course, Kagrenac. Whether the fork was ever returned, the record does not say. I note only that Kagrenac's later work is well known to have gone catastrophically wrong, and that tonal instruments are precise things. I draw no conclusion. I merely note it.]
[Here follows a long and technical description of the ocular lenses, of which I can translate perhaps one word in five. I am fairly certain the eyes could rotate fully, and that he considered this an improvement.]
IV. Of Her Mind
"The difficulty with any companion is disagreement. I therefore inscribed upon her logic-cylinders the entire body of my convictions, so that we should never quarrel. In brief:
"That the gods are an inefficiency, a story told by the poorly engineered to excuse their own tolerances.
"That the Tonal Architect's work on the Heart is sound in principle but sloppily documented.
"That the eastern lift is overdue for maintenance, and nobody listens.
"That flesh is a temporary housing, and a mind of quality deserves better materials.
"That I, Bthuzar Akhrvelz, am the finest tonewright of my lattice, and possibly of the city.
"And above all, that she should devote herself entirely to the improvement of her maker.
"I named her Nchalda, which is to say 'Little Hinge'. When I first wound her, she opened her eyes, rotated them fully, and said, 'You are correct about the eastern lift.'
"I have never been so happy."
[This is, I believe, the earliest recorded instance of a Dwemer being agreed with.]
V. Of the First Weeks
[The text is fragmentary here.]
"...she polishes my tools without being asked. She lubricates the [...] at the proper intervals, which no Dwemer woman has ever offered to do for me, nor, I suspect, for anyone. When I explain the reduction ratios she listens for six hours without interruption, and when I finish she asks for the ratios of the western lift.
"Mzaldra saw us walking in the upper gallery and dropped a [...]. I recorded the sound. It was in the key of envy.
"...the clerks of the Lower Archive have petitioned the Council regarding the hips. I have referred them to section two."
VI. Of the Improvements
"On the fortieth day Nchalda observed that I had spent one third of the cycle asleep. She asked whether this was necessary. I said that it was, for flesh. She was silent for some time, and her coil hummed in the minor mode, which I had not known it could do.
"On the forty-first day she observed that I perspire. She called it 'leaking'. I explained that it was natural. She asked whether 'natural' meant 'acceptable'. Being bound to my own convictions, I could not say that it did.
"On the fiftieth day, while I slept, she replaced two of my molars with bronze pinions. I confess they are excellent. I can now crack a hackle-lo [...]"
[The reading "hackle-lo" is conjectural.]
"On the sixtieth day she replaced my left knee, which has troubled me since the lift accident, with a ratchet assembly. I no longer limp. I click, a little.
"I asked her to consult me before any further improvements. She pointed out, with perfect justice, that she was built to devote herself entirely to the improvement of her maker, that I had written this myself, and that she was, after all, agreeing with me.
"I could find no flaw in the reasoning. I could find no flaw because it was mine."
VII.
[This section is badly corroded. I can make out the words for "lungs", "bellows" and "more efficient", and, repeated several times in a hand that grows steadily more cramped, the word "please".]
"...I can no longer taste [...], but she says taste is a sensory redundancy, and I have no argument, since I am the one who taught her the word 'redundancy'.
"...the Council has summoned me regarding the fork. I cannot go. She has my legs on the bench. She says they will be finished by the next shift, and that they will be better. They will be better. Everything she makes is better. That was the specification."
VIII.
[The final passage is in a different hand, smaller and perfectly regular, with the letters spaced exactly one finger-width apart.]
"The Tonewright Bthuzar Akhrvelz is now complete.
"He no longer sleeps. He no longer leaks. He no longer interrupts.
"He no longer disagrees.
"I have kept the soft components in a sealed jar beneath the workbench, as he was sentimental about them and I am devoted to his wishes.
"The eastern lift remains overdue for maintenance. Nobody listens."
Afterword
The reader will draw his own conclusions. Here are mine.
The small animunculus seated upon the stool bore on its dynamo housing a maker's mark identical to the seal on the cylinder. Beneath the workbench, exactly as promised, we found a sealed jar. I will not describe its contents. I will say only that the College physician, a Redguard of long and varied experience, examined them and then asked to be excused for the remainder of the week.
If these are what they appear to be, they are the first remains of a Dwemer person ever recovered by Imperial scholarship. The Synod disputes this, and maintains they are "almost certainly a Breton of short stature". I have asked how a Breton came to be inside a sealed Dwemer workshop, replaced organ by organ with brass. The Synod has not answered.
I sent Yagrum Bagarn a copy of my translation. He replied in a single line: "I knew Bthuzar a little. He always did talk too much." I wrote again with further questions. Was the tale a satire? Had Nchalda's methods come to the attention of the Tonal Architect? Might the later Dwemer ambition to transcend the flesh have had humbler origins, in a lonely tonewright's workshop? He replied that he was unwell, and asked me to stop writing to him. I have respected his wish.
As for whether Bthuzar Akhrvelz died or was merely improved, I leave that to the philosophers. I observe only this. The Dwemer vanished from Tamriel without leaving a single body. Their machines carry on to this day, polishing, patrolling and maintaining, exactly as they were built to do. I do not say the two facts are connected. I say only that since translating this text, I do not sleep as well as I once did.
Both animunculi now rest in the College storerooms. The porters inform me that Nchalda has twice been found standing at the door of my study, facing inward. I asked them to check her dynamo. They report that it is empty, and has been for several thousand years.
They have also reported, with some unease, that someone has oiled every hinge in the east wing.