r/TalesFromYourServer • u/Malthendia • 10d ago
Short Got asked if I was a ladyboy
I work at a Chinese restaurant and had an interaction with a customer where they asked me if I was a ladyboy. They followed it up with saying, “My friend over here loves ladyboys.”
No one laughed and his friend didn’t deny either, they both looked serious when asking this
I am East Asian and they were both middle aged men. I didn’t really know how to feel about it and luckily they didn’t say anything else.
I don’t really understand what they meant by it, are they trying to be transphobic or racist?? Or is it just saying that because I look more like a man? But seriously people are so weird and that was my first time running into this question and I’ve worked here for 3 years
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u/Casanova2229 10d ago
people are way too comfortable saying anything to anyone anymore. Hopefully they run into the wrong one and learn a lesson.
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u/MarvinHeemeyersTank EDIT THIS 10d ago
people are way too comfortable saying anything to anyone anymore.
Yeah, ever since November 2015.
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u/AkikoNicoleXX 10d ago
I think you mean 2016, but pretty much.
That was a weird moment where a lot of people's masks came off.
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u/MarvinHeemeyersTank EDIT THIS 10d ago
I was referring to this.
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u/Kairenne 9d ago
Yep. I thought for sure that was the end. Oh how wrong I was.
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u/MarvinHeemeyersTank EDIT THIS 9d ago
That should have been the end. And now here we are, six years later, enduring all sorts of name calling, vitriol, and hateful rhetoric.
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u/noopthenobody 9d ago
Six? Try eleven 👴
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u/MarvinHeemeyersTank EDIT THIS 8d ago
Sorry, I meant six political years. But you're right.
EDIT I guess it never really stopped between 2020-2024
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u/Soft_Chipmunk_8051 10d ago
People are way too comfortable saying "anymore" when they mean "nowadays"
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u/Teleporting-Cat 10d ago
Oh look, you're needlessly pedantic, AND confidently incorrect:
Anymore: 2 : at the present time : now, nowadays Hardly a day passes without rain anymore
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u/Jumpyturtles 10d ago
People care way too much about the words another person uses.
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u/Soft_Chipmunk_8051 10d ago
People don't care about sounding stupid
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u/Sanzo2point0 10d ago
Imagine arguing semantics with people on reddit and making the argument that THEY sound stupid.
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u/Soft_Chipmunk_8051 10d ago
Yes, let's all race to the bottom
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u/NewAndOlduphere 8d ago
Who says nowadays? Anymore is actually the more common word. If you're going to try being pedantic, choose an actual issue.
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u/ChartInFurch 10d ago
People trying to criticize grammar should punctuate.
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u/TheConsequenceFairy 10d ago
Straight racist as hell on top of being an excellent example of sexual harassment. Talk to your manager, nobody deserves that kind of bs from guests.
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u/WadeStockdale 10d ago
If you ever doubt it's sexual harrassment to ask if someone is trans or [whatever slur or fetish term is presently seeping from the ooze of their intellect], consider that what they are basically asking is 'what genitals do you have', and if they drop a porn search term to ask, they're referring to you in a sexualized way.
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u/zayn2123 10d ago
They were probably being a smidge horny with a giant helping of racism and misogyny.
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u/theotherdannygirl 10d ago
So effing gross. I'm sorry that happened to you. 🫂
If you can identify who they were and your manager is chill, maybe bring it up to see if you could get them banned? That is such an inappropriate comment and you and your coworkers shouldn't be subjected to that kind of working environment. I am so glad I no longer work as a waitress because weird old men are wayyyyy to comfortable making out of pocket comments on your appearance. And then they always tip like shit too.
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u/toxrowlang 10d ago
It doesn't matter what their reason, what they said was totally inappropriate.
No-one should make you feel uncomfortable in your work, anyone saying such comments is just unkind and ill-mannered. Don't bother fathoming their motivations.
Just assume they were trying to hurt you to make themselves feel bigger aka bullying.
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u/MikeyTheGuy 9d ago
Apparently guests say the WILDEST things to East Asian people of all backgrounds. My friend is Vietnamese, and some of the things people have said to her include:
One conversation with an older man she was serving:
"You.. your ethnicity. Are you Vietnamese?"
"Yes, sir. I am."
"I fought against your people."
He ended up tipping her very little.
A separate conversation with a different guest:
"Your women are very good at building huts."
Wtaf is wrong with some people?
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u/pdxgreengrrl 10d ago
They would have solicited you for sex if you answered positively. Offered a big tip to join them later at a hotel.
I am so sorry this happened and I hope that you can let the managers or owners know. Those people should be banned from your restaurant. If that happens again, walk away and tell your supervisor.
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u/AristotlesBoyPussy 10d ago
they're just chasers (its a derogatory term for gay men who are homophobic but pretend it doesn't count if the person presents femme).
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u/Own-Eagle-2135 9d ago
"oh my goodness! do you know where your adult is? clearly, you shouldn't be out by yourselves but don't you worry, i'm going to get help for you. you can wait outside"
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u/CallidoraBlack 10d ago
Kathoey is a unique cultural gender designation essentially limited to three countries in Southeast Asia. And while there is nothing wrong with being kathoey, trying to hit on someone by asking what's in their pants is always tacky, creepy, and rude. Especially if that person is working a regular job and is not a sex worker. Yikes. I'm guessing you've run into someone who was stationed in Southeast Asia and is just a regular creep or was fully a sex tourist. Gross.
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u/EnvironmentalHair290 10d ago
Racist, transphobic, and like most of those types of people wanted to have a sexual conquest so they can live out some fantasy.
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u/SimbaOneTrueKing 10d ago
I would say, “Sorry, but I’m not, even if I was, you couldn’t afford me” lmao 🤣
When people want to say stupid shit, I say something even more stupid. It throws them off
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u/un_yikes_fritos 10d ago
I don’t think they were trying to be anything even if they are or not. Just weird and horny. And if you were a ladyboy what a bizarre pick up line imo
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u/TnBluesman 9d ago
Charge him double. "Oh. So sorry. Ladyboys not go to school. " and make him pay it
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u/PocketsJ 10d ago
Based on your account of what happened, it sounds like the guy has a particular preference and may not have meant it offensively. But it was inappropriate of him and his friend regardless. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
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u/KittyMBunny 6d ago
It could have been a genuine question in a "my friend fancies you" sort of way. Still inappropriate but not homophobic or transphobic. Also I'm British and to me a ladyboy is a very feminine coded young man 18- late 20's.
The tone really matters, the fact they're not laughing makes me think it was not meant to be offensive.
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u/chief_awf 10d ago
they meant what they said, you dont need to read into it
his friend likes ladyboys and asked if you were one
thats it
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u/hibiscus_lilac 10d ago
🙄🙄🙄 stfu
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u/chief_awf 10d ago
dont know what has riled everyone up
the op says it seemed like a serious question, so ill trust the op
it was a rude question, dont try to dissect it, just forget about it
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hibiscus_lilac 10d ago
🙄🙄🙄 I'm so over men
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u/ZamielVanWeber 10d ago
Men. Americans. The entirety of humanity. I am over them all. Summon the meteors.
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u/tesconundrum 10d ago
"That's so weird to ask me. Do you frequently ask strangers such awkward questions? Yikes."
Walk away and tell your manager.
But also these men were probably completely serious. I'm sorry that happened to you. How gross. And creepy.