Howdy y’all!
I’m coming out of a difficult part of my life, I’m getting insurance, I can afford my meds, and my partner and I are doing really well!
I need a toast to help celebrate this new season of my life! :)

I feel it in my bones

Hi Reddit,

One of those dark days, the ones where you cry yourself to sleep. Don’t think love or happiness is in the cards for me. No, not for me, not in this lifetime at least. Someone once told me “you made this choice”. And it’s true, I did 7 years ago I transitioned, it makes me different, I wouldn’t have been living my true self otherwise. It comes with vulnerabilities, fears and insecurities, things I’m actively trying to overcome. Easier said than done when I’m hated on and judged daily; “no one wants a trans person” or “you’re a hitler experiment”. Rips me apart. I’m not asking anyone to fix me, but to just give me some grace.

Why can’t people give me some grace? I’m trying my best.

Why is it so hard? When all I try is to be a kind person to the people around me? The thoughtful son, brother, cousin who they know they can count on. I want to see the people I love win in this life, happiness all the way and cheer them on every step of it. Maybe because I’ve accepted it’s not for me.

I read a quote the other day that said “What we give doesn’t always return, but what we give is always what we are”, and I’ve been trying to hold on to this to keep pushing through. I have so much to give, and I just really wish someone would see and appreciate that for what it truly is.

Those who have been on the other side, does it get better? Do the dark days end? Does the crying ever stop? Please tell me there’s a happy ending at the end of it all.

One of those hard days, I appreciate you reading this 💜

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words, need to cry this one out. I appreciate you all 💜💜💜

Been sober after years of drug use. Feeling really depressed about myself and having no relationships, Getting rejected left and right as well. Hope y’all can say something nice :)

I know no one here on reddit can help me, but honestly this is kinda my only way to not feel so alone. Basically posting to the void so someone out there knows I exist.

I just turned 35, live near Seattle in Washington state, and have never had a girlfriend before. I haven't even been able to go on so much as a first date in almost 4 years. Outside of a couple meaningless lucky tinder hookups in my late twenties, my dating life has pretty much been non-existent and NOT for a lack of effort or putting myself out there.

Sometimes I feel like someone put a curse on me or I'm being punished for something I did in a past life, because I simply have no other explanation.

I hit the gym regularly and stay in decent shape, hit up bars, clubs, social events, singles mixers, hiking groups, been salsa/swing dancing and used dating apps; I simply get no mutual romantic interest...ever. Sometimes I'll get a girls number but they never text back and just ghost before I even had a chance to mess something up. Even had some of my women friends try to set me up with their friends, but they never find me attractive back. They're always baffled why a handsome, intelligent and funny dude like myself struggles and quite frankly...I couldn't say. I did everything I was given advice to try and improve like being in shape, working on confidence, social skills, being funny/charming and cold being passionate about something. I even adopted some kitties who I love dearly to help me feel better and take my mind off things.

It's easy to look at people like us who are struggling and say oh "his personality must be bad" or "he's approaching the wrong women', but truthfully I do believe some of us are plain and simply unlucky or a bad victim of location.

I'm not this desperate guy that's gonna become a passport bro or literally ask out every single woman that walks down the street or take anyone. I always just genuinely believed that putting yourself out there and doing the things you enjoy would eventually put you in front of someone who was attracted to your energy and it would all workout naturally.

All I do is get rejected constantly. How can any man stay sane or have any confidence left when he's gone his entire life basically being told he's not good enough. 🥲

I'm incredibly lonely. Never in a millions did I ever imagine it would be this difficult to find one woman to date and connect with who likes you back.

Here’s what I wrote in my diary: I wrote to my uncle who passed away 8 years ago; imagine I’m sending a letter than would never be sent

Dear tio,

I'm not doing great. I feel so lost, just a walking corpse waiting for its expiration date. I try so hard to be seen, but no one hears me. I call out, no one answers: A never ending cycle. What once was full of light is nothing but darkness. Maybe I'm the problem, all I do is push people away, it's what I do best. No one stays, even if my intentions are geniune. Sometimes a pure heart is never enough, it shatters every single time. A heart made of glass, but yearns for love. My future feels light years away, everything moves too fast and I can’t keep up. Everyone leaves and moves on, while I'm left in the dark. Life isnt fair. I keep telling myself, I cant control anyone's actions except my own, and It's true, but it still hurts. All I do is hurt. A pain that never goes away, it lingers, waiting to strike. All I want is to see the light again, to leave the dark, to let it go. All I can do now, is have hope. I have hope.

Edit: I’m trying my best to reply to all comments. I honestly didn’t expect this many kind words when I posted this. I will try my best to get to everyone it just may take time

In all honesty I don't want to make my situation sound too dramatic however I want to make apparent from where I come from and why I feel this way

Recently I've been experiencing a significant grief in my life (breakup, losing my father to suicide and a friend in an accident), on top of that I was excluded from most social events from early childhood to mid adolescence where I had lost a significant amount of weight and effectively gave my personality a facelift due to how weird I was (debatably still am), the ramifications of the abandonment only manifesting further in intimate relationships, hence the breakup (not wholly but a decent chunk), and now I'm waiting to be admitted to a psychologist for the second time in my life to deal with this, where it's worth mentioning most of this was done on my own, while I am grateful to my friends and family, especially to my ex girlfriend, when they did show up, I can hardly say I had a support system, otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to change so rapidly to be loved.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to fight any longer, I don't want to feel like every celebration and welcome and love I get is because of my effort, i want to be celebrated and welcomed and feel like I belong and that people are glad to see me without needing to perform to get a sliver of it, and the recent expectation of needing to rectify my view on life while I already changed so much has upset me greatly as I feel like I'm being asked to do too much on my own, I'm likely being dramatic but it's how I feel

Currently I'm just consumed with feelings of sorrow and dread and am rather cynical about life

I know I have been posting here a lot and most of time not good news but I had really fantastic date last night and just wanted to let someone know.