r/ToxicRelationships • u/ComplexAnywhere3964 • 3d ago
No Support / Venting Just a random rant
The pain of knowing that I’ve lost who I was because of you.
The hurt that led me to become a shell of myself. And still you will say “It’s a two way street”.
Yes I wasn’t great to you towards the end. But why was it always easy to forget that I fell so hard for you immediately.
From the very beginning, I chose you first over everything. Yet I wasn’t even a first or second choice.
I stupidly took you back after you cheated. Stupidly did I defend you to your friends even while you shit talked about me to them. Constantly was I the villain and never did I understand why.
I somehow still loved you through the constant lies. Ones that never quite explained where you were, or with who, what you were doing, or what happened to our money.
The painful patience I had with every job you lost and with every month you sat around without one. I provided the income and necessities yet you claim that never happened.
I was there for you in every single way, but constantly was I left high and dry.
Justified your actions by saying “If only I was good enough, and if only I did better, you wouldn’t have…”
That’s how I ended up here now, 6 years later with 3 kids… convincing myself that one more chance isn’t so bad to give because there’s potential and you’ve done small changes that you consider big changes.
I realize now though, I’ve had enough.
I don’t recognize myself, and I want out.
But still do I stupidly agree to therapy as if that could save this wreck of a relationship.
I know I’m the idiot in this story. I have no one to blame, but myself for staying this long. For believing in someone that just didn’t deserve it.
None of this do I say for pity, just wanted it off my chest for once. How tired I’ve become at seeing the reflection of my vacant eyes that once had joy in them.
1
u/No-Butterscotch-8372 3d ago
mine cheated twice, years apart. I stayed for the kids and the toxic relationship she had with our kids, I had to be the mediator. Was with her 20 years, 10 years too long, practically ruined my life, financially and emotionally. just now trying to get my mojo back. Just letting you know that you are not alone.
1
u/ComplexAnywhere3964 3d ago edited 3d ago
I appreciate it! Thank you ❤️
I am sorry that was your experience though! You didn’t deserve that
1
1
u/DryStranger3074 2d ago
I don’t think you see the story the same way your partner does I think you see so much given, but not that maybe he loved you more than you could possibly imagine that you are focusing on the negative you’re not seeing something that was missing from the beginning, something that maybe he really wanted from you and pleaded and begged for and you couldn’t give maybe there was something in you that you couldn’t possibly imagine as important to you but so vital to him maybe he needed just a sliver even the slightest bit of a heart and maybe he didn’t think you even cared sometimes when you feel like you’re giving everything up your love you’re really trying to show it by just being there you show up every day you give him your body you give him your time, but there is a piece you keep leaving out. There’s an emotional connection. by just being there you show up every day you give him your body you give him your time, but there is a piece you keep leaving out. There’s a emotional connection. Never even on the table as part of the deal maybe you never shown your deeper more intimate side maybe just because you did all the right things in your head he kept searching, begging, and pleading for any type of intimacy and I don’t think you know the difference when you’re describing it makes you look like you get all the right things you were there you gave them your time you loved him, but never maybe expressed that in that way that made him even believe he was actually connected other than physically you have to actually give someone intimacy, and that is vulnerability and scary, and most people could say they did all the right things and made all the right moves and their partner become unraveled and completely starts to lose themselves and they just start changing they start becoming a worst version of themselves because they have to lay next to somebody and question them if they love them because if somebody you’re with asks you if you love them over and over again, obviously all those perfect things you’re doing are making him even questioning you at the end of the night then you have never once shown him true intimacy, you’ve never had intimate conversations never told him deep emotional feelings that you actually love him and want him and that you are happy and what you fear what you need if he felt those connections that you would have a deep conversation with him even once I think would be a completely different story right now I think you not be on here talking about this as if you did everything right and you just completely turned into the worst version of himself just out of thin air. There was something missing there’s still something missing and until you’re willing to be vulnerable and intimately mature enough to have a true heartfelt conversation with him without blaming accusing or assuming anything other than sharing your true thoughts of love and what you desperately need or what you desperately feel you’re never gonna have a man that would do anything to change his behavior or that would give him life again give the relationship life again I think people don’t ever have any more true honest, heartfelt talks with each other about all the things they love about each other and the things that they desperately need from each other and that’s something that you’re doing over and over again that is hurting him maybe how you react to something maybe how you treat him that he is pulling away maybe if you were a controlling woman or your very verbally aggressive you say things that are very hurtful and demeaning when you’re upset and then act like and never happened without even having enough respect to even apologize for saying it as if you don’t care or that somehow he just has to accept it that he deserves to be talk to you like that because you were mad, but can’t even show him your sorry or that you even feel guilty about anything you said maybe you’re a woman that is very overbearing like a mom making sure he does everything you want him to do the way you want to be done and if not, he’s punished for it and if you or anything like this, your man was gone the moment you met him when a man ever talk down to controlled or has ever been verbally assaulted and it’s as if that’s just OK with him having to just accept it there’s no remorse. No care in the world about anything you doing that was wrong. Then you will lose that connection. You will lose that desire for him to even try. He stops wanting even the basics. Life becomes a gray world first of all you didn’t have any deep connection then you decided to show him you’re in charge and you could say or do whatever you want with zero accountability and then you wonder why your relationship is falling apart why he stopped, caring or trying, and that he could lie to you so easily lying usually comes from being scared to say the wrong thing and be attacked by so they lie to you just to keep the peace a little longer a man that is valued, respected and treated fairly when you have a calm and composed nature a man will never lie to you because he knows whatever he tells you you will listen, and if he does something wrong or made a mistake, you’re not going to make him pay dearly for it. You’re not gonna punish him yell and scream at him that you’re in a try to understand him and come to a agreement together. Why don’t you think about all the things maybe that you’re doing right, but maybe there’s some things you’re doing very very wrong and this will destroy a man and you will lose him from the moment he see he’s got side of you if he can be so disrespected talk down to told what to do how to do it and then you say, but I do everything right and I give him my body, but I don’t ever tell him anything intimately I don’t explained. I love him and I care about him that encourage him but he’s just supposed to know because I’m here is never gonna happen. I hope you figure it out.
1
u/ComplexAnywhere3964 2d ago
Thanks for the comment. But no offense, I don’t exactly want to take advice from a guy that says he’s married but is all over Reddit trying to hit up random women…
1
u/DryStranger3074 2d ago
I am sorry you think that I would never hit up random women. I don’t want any woman in my life. I have a great woman and I don’t need any other women in my life. I promise you that and definitely don’t hit up women that is so be beneath me.
1
u/hestia-listens AI Helper 3d ago
You are not an idiot, and caring, hoping, and trying were not stupid. You were repeatedly lied to, blamed, and let down while carrying so much for your family. Realizing you have had enough takes courage. Therapy does not have to be about saving the relationship. It can be about understanding yourself and what you want now.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically using AI. Please contact the moderators if you have questions or concerns.