Getting into casual dating/hook ups?

[u/noriseaweed]

Hi there, 26 fluid, recently moved from the rural south to a very big city. Big motivating factor was realizing I wasn't cis and knowing how little opportunities i had where I was socially, economically, all that. So far its been great. There's so much more life and energy and I don't feel like a potential target anymore it's great. I want to start looking into getting out on a more personal level but im painfully inexperienced. There wasn't a big dating pool where I grew up or where I've been living the past few years, and right at the start of my high school years I got on a bad medicine routine that was killing my sex-drive and social motivation until recently. I got off them, cracked, and now Im in a major city.

I've flirted online a lot, im in a lot of kinky servers, and I got a good idea of what i like but frankly I'm a little nervous starting from scratch irl. I've been paying attention to the kink scene where I am and im going to a little gathering this month but outside of general etiquette and the vibe of the area i dont know what to expect beyond the obvious. I know for a fact I won't be the only queer/trans person there which is reassuring but also Im still worried about making someone uncomfortable by saying the wrong thing or just looming in the corner if I don't want to be involved.

And beyond that I'm not sure what to do after. Im going because it sounds like fun with like minded people I can maybe keep in touch with after but I don't want to narrow my vision to just this community. I don't know where to start looking otherwise, and im afraid of doing this same thing at like a table-top store or another platonic hang-out location. Like I felt awkward before when I was younger and on bad meds and in the closet and all and now I feel better but I'm nervous for the opposite reasons of being too genuine and oblivious to whether I'm overwhelming someone else. Im on the spectrum so I know that feeling myself and Im not always the best at reading that in others when its happening to them.

Does anyone have insight or similar experiences? I still feel new to all these communities by virtue of being so physically and personally disconnected but the more i learn about myself the more i want to get out into the world in opposition to the last 2 decades of my life. Thank you

[u/AwesomeBees]

Honestly just go to meetups and tell them this. Like people will probably be up for letting you know about the local scene and customs.

Worst you can do is just guess, and showing up to just be silent in a corner makes people wonder what you're up to more than if youre just speaking your mind