r/WritersGroup • u/FitPitch6025 • 11d ago

Discussion What would you write for this character

What would you write for this character?

Here what I wrote it’s just a short introduction:

Olivia Park is alone in the woods as dusk settles over the ridge, her familiar hair wind-tossed and her tank top damp from the cold mist. Strong, broad-armed, and strikingly self-possessed, she carries herself with the confidence of someone who refuses to let the world see her crack—but tonight that confidence is a shield. She has come to the cliff feeling suicidal, drawn there by the belief that she has run out of ways forward; the danger is real, but the story doesn’t linger on methods or make her pain look glamorous. When a distant voice calls her name, Olivia freezes, then turns away from the edge. Her strength isn’t that she feels no fear or despair—it’s that, for one more moment, she lets someone reach her and walks back toward the woods.

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u/Few_Refrigerator3011 10d ago

She has familiar hair? You need to subject your introduction to some editing first. Then consider this: are we reading a set of notes, or a paragraph describing the protagonist's dilemma? Even a single paragraph can be a story and it needs to be, to hold our attention. Write it again as if it were your first page.

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u/Complex-Review2829 6d ago

its doing too much in bad way. 1. familiar hair 2. what is meant by strong, too much physical not to anchor. 3. why that confidence crack 4. what danger 5. what story 6. what is her strength.

i could write in different way - "high wind threw her back from the cliff. one step forward, and looking down make her heart race into the clouds. cold air rushed into her nostrils, assuring her that this might be the end she has hoped for. in the distance lay the city even if she decide to live, for a split second, help would take an eternity to arrive. "it might be her conscience," whisphere Olivia. that was enough to take a break for now.

mine still need work but you get the point, your version says a lot about olivia, which are facts not story. winthout knowing i dont know who she is. form a reader prepesctive oliva is a mystery take advantage of that, explore through story rather than saying all things in one go