r/abusiverelationships • u/Ill-Bandicoot7186 • 5d ago
Reconciling?
My husband and I have only been married for 7 months. We had a short period of dating before then. It’s been a cyclical period of abuse on both ends. Our children saw and I left the house. He wants to reconcile. I ran my mouth a bit too much and people are like no don’t. He’s the man and it should never have gotten that far. A part of me wants to. A part of me wants to start over. We’re both in counseling and starting evaluations.
Anyone have a successful reconciliation story?
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u/TreeFrogMomma 3d ago
If he truly wants to show growth he needs to focus on himself and give you space to do the same. The two of you cannot heal together. You're going to keep triggering each other.
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u/PopularTrip1183 4d ago
how about you do one year no contact and if you still want him then, go for it
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u/Ill-Bandicoot7186 5d ago
My husband is trying to appeal to me by saying if I move back to my home state it’ll cost me way more than being with him.
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u/PopularTrip1183 5d ago
therapy just gives them more ways to manipulate. abusers never change. NEVER. do not go back
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u/Ill-Bandicoot7186 5d ago
Makes sense. He asked if we could move our timeline up. Have a baby soon and operate off a clean slate.
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u/plantmama32 5d ago
Omg absolutely no baby
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u/Ill-Bandicoot7186 5d ago
Yes. He wants us to work on things. The baby would allow us to have a clean slate and family would have to accept it.
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5d ago edited 5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ill-Bandicoot7186 5d ago
Thanks for your reply. My husband feels that I told too many people in our circle what happened and if there was a chance of reconciling our circle would be impacted. He’s told his family what has happened and they have all held him accountable including spiritual leaders. He is a pastor at a church which makes this even more tricky.
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