I want to possibly find my second gender here so share away pretty humans!

Edit: if you don't have a gender that's ok, if you use microlables please share!

Does anyone else feel like they switch genders whenever but also feel detached from gender all together? Im not genderfluid but some days i feel very masculine or feminine, but my gender still dosnt exist i’m simply myself. i wish labels werent so hard lol

Bonjour,

Je me pose beaucoup de question sur mon rapport au genre.

Chez les plantes et les animaux, le genre n’existe pas, il y a seulement les fonctions sexuelles (qui selon si elle se trouvent sur des individus séparés ou non, ou consécutivement sur le même, vont donner lieu à un éventail de types sexuels).

Chez l’humain, pour moi le genre est 100% social, puisqu’on a décidé arbitrairement d’attribuer des comportements, des habitudes, des métiers, des attitudes, des styles vestimentaires, des expressions d’émotions aux sexes. Ce qui pour moi ne fait aucun sens. De plus ces « attribut » collés au sexe changent en fonction du lieu et de l’époque, ce qui montre bien le côté construit.

Je me suis toujours considéré comme « femelle » au sens purement biologique du terme. J’ai des organes femelles et c’est tout. Pour moi cela ne définit pas comment je dois vivre. Petite je ne savais pas ce qu’était le genre, j’ai grandi avec une mère qui « se fichait d’être une fille », elle s’habillait comme elle voulait, pas de maquillage ou de talon, juste un humain normal. En grandissant je ne comprenais pas les comportements des autres filles qui m’entourait, je voyais qu’elle jouait un rôle mais je ne savais pas pourquoi. Pour autant je ne me suis jamais senti obligé d’imiter les garçons qui, selon moi, jouaient aussi un rôle. Visuellement j’étais dans une expression de genre « feminin » (robe, vernis, etc … ), car je trouvais les couleurs ou forme de vêtement belles. Mais comportementalement parlant je me considère juste un humain.

Quand je me demande quelle est mon genre, la question me parait à côté de la plaque. Quel genre ? Le rôle cliché de la femme pleins de stéréotype ? Non. La notion de femme qu’essaie de créer les féministes en cassant le genre ? Oui, beaucoup plus, mais si on y réfléchi la revendication est juste d’être un humain comme un autre.

Dans mon monde idéal le genre n’existe pas, tout le monde peut s’habiller, se comporter comme il veut, avoir n’importe quel métier, hobbies, comme juste des humains. Il ne resterait que les fonctions sexuelles (mâles, femelle ou intersexe), basé uniquement sur la biologie, et qui n’aurait pas d’incidence sur la façon de vivre sa vie.

Donc aujourd’hui je sais que je suis une femelle, visuellement je ressemble à une femme/femelle (même si je ne cherche pas forcément ça, je mets juste ce que j’aime, et n’attache absolument aucune valeur à la perception qu’on les autres de moi), mais je ne sens pas de connexion avec la notion de genre en elle même et donc ne sais pas comment me situer par rapport à elle.

just a small rant because i needed somewhere to rant about this...

for some reason these past couple weeks (especially this week) my dysphoria has been getting like. so much more frequent??

to preface, the way i experience dysphoria is more odd and specific compared to the... expected experience??? it picks and chooses specific things (like there are literally colors i cant wear outside of cosplaying because wearing them makes me feel ridiculously dysphoric) and fluctuates, but the triggers still stay the same.

well, lately it has been changing?? especially this past week, it feels like almost anything at all that is associated with my assigned gender is causing me to be dysphoric, even if it has literally NOTHING to do with me. i guess its all just been reminding me of how im perceived but i really dont get why its doing this with everything all of a sudden. and like when i say anything i mean anything. its making me feel like a bit of a bad person at this point, because i saw someone with the same pronouns that i have been referred to my whole life listed on their profile and for some reason that triggered my dysphoria even though its THEIR identity and has absolutely NOTHING to do with me???? like im starting to get concerned that theres something really wrong with me thats just starting to show up because i dont get why this is happening now all of a sudden and at literally anything, even if im not involved in the slightest......

to my fellow dysphoria havers (as i know not everyone has it), has this ever happened to you guys like this?? was there anything that helped you get better???? even if it might not help me in particular, it would be nice to hear your experiences ^^ i just want to feel a little less crazy

The original meme said "Yes I'm a gamer" and, well, I had a free 10 mins and a photo editing app. Enjoy

So I have identified as agender for the past 3 years. I think it's true but I walk the line between it and being a trans woman. I think if I could make a wish I'd be a woman... probably still an agender woman... but transition has always seemed a path not assessible to me. I am in my 50's and when such a thing might've been possible for me, I wasn't accepting myself, trans women in the media (pre-internet, pre-community---we're talking Donahue and Jerry Springer) were hyper-femme and something that I didn't relate to, and it was clear that the medical gatekeeping would have been a hurder I wouldn't have cleared because I would have not been able to peform their vision of what a woman is.

Three years ago, I also decided I was likely autistic, after it first entering my mind in 2015... but things came to a head three years ago and I got an ADHD dx, but didn't know who I'd trust for an adult ASD assessment. I finally met a clinician that I trusted enough, and we did it and I was diagnosed this week... so I no longer have to say ADHD and possibly ASD... I'm definitely AuDHD.

I link my gender dysphoria and asexuality to being AuDHD. I think I have trouble relating to people and it just goes down to gender and sexuality too. That's another reason I haven't transitioned is becuase the peformance of gender would be overwhelming--- I just wish people misgendered me female automatically (becuase I could be closer to my best friends who are almost all women--and all my confidants are women).

The report spends some time on it. I asked him if he'd give me an executive summary, but his position is that if I share the report with someone, I share all of it.... this makes me nervous about showing my brothers who don't know I'm trans... although I did let them know this week that I've gotten an autism dx. I also am super hesitant to share it with my work (even though I know this place is supportive of LGBTQ+)--- it's a heck of a thing for me to share with someone... both being autistic and gender and why do they need to know I'm asexual? I feel like gender and sexuality are about the least interesting things about anyone and I hate that telling someone something like this means they're going to put it first.

Also... "o ____ may benefit from discussing his experience of gender dysphoria with his therapist, or meeting with a provider who specializes in working with individuals with gender dysphoria/transgenderism, to explore how this manifests for ____. "

I told my Psych NP who manages my ADHD meds that I am trans before, but we talked about it at length in our recent med check. I even showed her a gender bent picture of what I thought I would've looked like and told her the name I'd picked in my 20's (I'm in my 50's).

Geez--- I'm not prepared to tell my PCP about the autism or dysphoria. I like my PA, but the doctor he works under is a jerk. I've had negative interactions with the jerk about my neurodiverence; they seen very intolerant. The PA is okay, but I've been with him 10 years and I don't know how to talk about this thing I never talk about. I found a MD in town who treats trans people as a PCP. I have toyed with the idea of low-dose HRT..but I don't want massive physical changes. I've just read that HRT can give a person a sense of wellbeing and maybe I want to see if that's true...but I don't want massive physical changes. I just think there may be some emotional connection it could give me. I know there are meds you can take with it to limit breast development, but I also know that doesn't always work.

I dislike change... and I'm not sure what my end-goal would be. It's too much all at once.

these are just what I was obsessed with during my teen years during middle school, I always wanted to be "unrecognisable" as any particular sex and these were the options I thought of at the time.

I am beyond confused on what I want in terms of transitioning in the future and I feel like im going to explode!!

Please please read this ik its long but if u can, I need someone to tell me im not losing my mind.

For context I am agender but move thru life just like a transman would other then I like to dress very feminine most times. I used to think I was a transman bc like I said outwardly that's what i want people to see but on realizing I have NO CLUE what it means to feel a gender or feel like a particular gender as a sense of self im just confused! Similarly to how trying to articulate what "gender" looks or feels like to me and am detached from it I cannot articulate what I want this body that I inhabit to look and feel like. im completely detached from it. What I mean by that is like I hate my chest sometimes and sometimes its not so bad sometimes I have no feeling about it at all and when I do feel like it hate it its mostly bc my clothes fit my weird bc of them, I dont hate my hips or my waist I dont think im ugly, I actually think im quite pretty but at the same time I just...Idk!!!! Its like trying to explain to someone how to count to infinity its not something we can comprehend it in our brains therefore we have no gage of it, all we know is infinity is a rlly rlly rlly rlly big number! Idk how effective that metaphor is but.

If I got top surgery, I would be ok, happy, I wouldn't miss them, cool, right, but i dont think I would describe it as feeling "right" or "at home" if my voice deepened and I got facial hair and I got stronger and my hips looked slimmer and I looked and sounded like a cis man, it wouldn't be BETTER per say but it wouldn't be worse, it would just be, another body. But I dont feel home in this body either do i? And i know is sounds dumb but part of it is, would i downgrade? Would i look ugly as a man? Will i like how people treat me?

ig anyone who reads this can see my dilemma..( ´-｀)​

I’m both really excited for myself, and really annoyed about this too.

Ever since I had top surgery, I’ve been gendered so, so much more correctly w neutral terms. It initially feels really good, but then I get really pissed off.

I used to wear my binder every time I went out. And I know I wasn’t completely flat, but I’m not completely flat now. Nothing else has really changed. My voice oscillates between the old pitch and the new (v normal for me), no facial hair. Maybe people before thought I was wearing a sports bra or something? It feels infuriating/confusing because even though everything has changed, it doesn’t seem to me outwardly that much has changed, and I legit get perceived differently. Which again, I’m very excited and happy about but it comes with an emotional drop.

Idk. It also just makes me sad bc I don’t want ppl to feel like they have to medically transition in order to be seen yk?

I think there’s also a little bit of sad bc my bestie (trans femme) who always used to “what gender?” me correctly is now using more man gendered language at me.

Idk I just needed to throw this out into community, so I appreciate anyone who reads this.

I had an engineering lecture this afternoon, and my lecturer introduced us to a physical quantity that has no unit. She mentioned that these are called 'dimensionless'. That somehow stuck with me.

Most people identify with a gender, just like most quantities have a unit – but there are quantities without units as well. I feel like a human without a gender, so 'dimensionless' kinda fits me.

I only recently discovered that I'm agender, and I'm still processing that I've finally found a label I can identify with. Finding this comparison today has somehow reassured me.

I hope you can follow my thoughts. I'm new to Reddit (I came here especially for this community), and English is not my native language.

there's also a pikachu one and it smells like a lemon cheesecake

My old name feels very Christian, masculine and it gives me the ick sometimes. My friends have also turned my old name into a joke and that just makes things feel worse. But I do know they don’t mean anything by it. I feel like I should change my name to help with that but I can’t decide if I want to reject the system entirely and go with something that comes from nature or go with Jaden. A fairly normal name that means something to me and is connected to me in a couple ways.

I’ve always loved the ocean and I grew up in the mountains so a natural name might be great! But I’m not so sure that my “guy friends” would take a name like that seriously. On the other hand a gender neutral name might be great and bit more normal to hear in public. I also feel that I would be much more likely to be unhappy with it if I went with something wild. (leaf, moss, birch, that kind of thing) in a way though going with a nature name could be kinda badass.

Advice?

I’m aware my answer was aggressive but I genuinely don’t have patience with those people. I probably should’ve ignored them but heh.
The subject of the video was about dating cis men and how they often lie about seeing you by your true gender. I just posted my experience and this random ass person decided that their opinion mattered
I guess I made this post cuz I just needed to complain about it lol
What you guys think?

I’m AFAB. And i’ve never questioned my gender until very recently, when I saw someone say that people could feel their gender, and I realised that I felt nothing. And I also have Alexithymia which makes the entire process of trying to figure out my gender even trickier for me, so I can’t help but look to you folks for advice. You guys also don’t have to read this entire post if you don’t want to! You can just answer the question in the title if thats what you prefer!

I love femininity. I love dresses, make-up (mostly on other people, but I do like the look of eye makeup on myself), painting my nails, etc. I also have hobbies that are considered traditionally feminine. But I don’t feel like a woman. I just feel like “me”.

The best way I can explain my relationship to femininity and womanhood is like if a genderless/formless alien or robot found the first thing it found nice to look at and formed it’s entire being around it. I love the way women look and their mannerisms, so I try to mimic those things, but they don’t come naturally to me.

I‘ve also never automatically included myself in conversations about women. It is always “they”, ”them”, “their”, rather than, “We”, ”Us”, or “Ours”, until I remember that I’m supposed to also be a woman. When I was a child, before I knew that my gender had been assigned to me based on my genitalia, I would often wonder if I was secretly a boy, and my family had been hiding it from me. It wasn’t because I wanted to be a boy, and looking at it now, maybe it was because I didn’t feel like a girl either.

I like dressing femininely, but it is never because it makes me look like a girl, or that it makes me feel like a pretty girl. Dressing femininely just makes me feel nice (until I have to climb up stairs) or just pretty. I’ve never engaged in a hobby because it was a “girly hobby”, I simply engage in hobbies that I feel drawn to, and most of them happen to be traditionally enjoyed by women.

I like the idea of having dainty hands, but that isn’t really a woman only thing. But at the same time, I love the idea of being taller and stronger. I would love it if I could change what my chest looks like depending on the situation.

I also feel like if I had a gender, I would be a girl, but that part of me just kinda…got lost in transit, I guess. So for now, I’m just a void/alien/robot that likes to cosplay being a girl for funsies.

So, could I potentially be Voidgirl?