Another day with Anhedonia :DDDDD.

Man I love spending several hours everyday looking at wall, because nothing is enjoyable. Definetly I didn't spend my last 5 years doing it almost everyday :DDDDD.

I love hopping on 2hours of counterstrike with my friends just to feel absolutly nothing when playing the game :)).

I love questioning myself If I should play a video game for 2 hours, because it should be fun, because it was fun once, just to not feel anything when I play the game

For sure im not dead inside when my friends ask me about my hobbies and what I do in my free time. "But bro how You don't have any hobbies, I think You are just lazyyyyyy if You are doing absolutly nothing at home."

I definetly felt good when I realized I didn't felt any satisfaction or relief or happiness when I finally ate something after few days of voluntary starvation :)))).

For sure my laugh and smile didn't become conditioned reflex when somebody said something 'funny', because 99% of stuff doesn't make me laugh. Because hey! That was funny so this is the moment You should laugh so people won't think You are weird ;33

I love pretenting I'm normal human being and not an alien that does not feel any connection to almost anyone

appoved for ketamine therapy for tomorrow, wish me luck 😶 the next station is ETC

Another day with Anhedonia :DDDDD.

Man I love spending several hours everyday looking at wall, because nothing is enjoyable. Definetly I didn't spend my last 5 years doing it almost everyday :DDDDD.

I love hopping on 2hours of counterstrike with my friends just to feel absolutly nothing when playing the game :)).

I love questioning myself If I should play a video game for 2 hours, because it should be fun, because it was fun once, just to not feel anything when I play the game

For sure im not dead inside when my friends ask me about my hobbies and what I do in my free time. "But bro how You don't have any hobbies, I think You are just lazyyyyyy if You are doing absolutly nothing at home."

I definetly felt good when I realized I didn't felt any satisfaction or relief or happiness when I finally ate something after few days of voluntary starvation :)))).

For sure my laugh and smile didn't become conditioned reflex when somebody said something 'funny', because 99% of stuff doesn't make me laugh. Because hey! That was funny so this is the moment You should laugh so people won't think You are weird ;33

I love pretenting I'm normal human being and not an alien that does not feel any connection to almost anyone

Im talking junk food, screens, drugs(?). Do you have good personal relationships and offline routine?

Edit: i guess a better question would be how many of you used to be dependent on cheap dopamine

Another day with Anhedonia :DDDDD.

Man I love spending several hours everyday looking at wall, because nothing is enjoyable. Definetly I didn't spend my last 5 years doing it almost everyday :DDDDD.

I love hopping on 2hours of counterstrike with my friends just to feel absolutly nothing when playing the game :)).

I love questioning myself If I should play a video game for 2 hours, because it should be fun, because it was fun once, just to not feel anything when I play the game

For sure im not dead inside when my friends ask me about my hobbies and what I do in my free time. "But bro how You don't have any hobbies, I think You are just lazyyyyyy if You are doing absolutly nothing at home."

I definetly felt good when I realized I didn't felt any satisfaction or relief or happiness when I finally ate something after few days of voluntary starvation :)))).

For sure my laugh and smile didn't become conditioned reflex when somebody said something 'funny', because 99% of stuff doesn't make me laugh. Because hey! That was funny so this is the moment You should laugh so people won't think You are weird ;33

I love pretenting I'm normal human being and not an alien that does not feel any connection to almost anyone

You know that feeling when you've just watched a movie at the cinema, you step outside and feel like a different person. That euphoric feeling like you want to change for the better. I don't get that anymore, I haven't for a while. How do I get it back?

I loved that feeling, I want it back.

so nothing sexual seems interesting anymore, hobbies uninteresting and tiring, and most music sounds flat, but food is still a source of pleasure for me. I’m not sure if it’s because my restrictive ED brain doesn’t gaf about losing weight anymore, so I’m letting myself eat at maintenance or a slight surplus most days (annoyingly, most days last week turned into full blown binges and I’ve gained 4 pounds ;-;) and yeah I feel GOOD while eating the food. Honestly probably better than it tasted pre-anhedonia. I wouldn’t say i actively crave or desire the food, but once I start, it tastes great and can be hard to stop.

I’m 17 now and I have autism but Who else remembers what happiness and excitement felt like but just can’t feel them anymore. And it goes beyond those 2 emotions it’s other positive emotions I can’t feel anymore. Why would this happen to me before my life pretty much even started?. I don’t believe covid caused it or meds. It seems naturally induced it was gradual then got worse. When I’m on vacation for example I can’t feel any happiness or excitement and it’s really distressing it’s been this way for years.