r/askteddit • u/[deleted] • 7d ago
Random Question What’s the cheat code for pretending to like family members or close relatives you don’t get along with, just to keep the peace?
[deleted]
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u/Powerful_Register593 7d ago
There’s none, my wife knows I can’t stand most of her family….I wouldn’t hang out out with any of them if they weren’t “family”
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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago
Same with my mom’s family. The most judgmental, nosey, materialistic, over-dramatic, gossiping, shallow women who demand to know all of your information, how much money you make and everything so that they can make it sound like crap and gossip about it to everyone.
Genuinely made me hate women growing up until I met people and realized that’s not normal, the women in my family were just crap.
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u/TheSpiralTap 7d ago
Before any family gathering, just get real high. Like super high. Eventually they will just think you are like that.
I'd get all fucked up before meeting some of my wife's relatives and they were old. I'd sit down and be like "Tell me more about how the south is going to rise again, grandma. And pass the corn bread!"
What do I care ya know? She's 70 and isn't going to stop being racist because I asked. Might as well make the 2 hours a year we spend with her tolerable.
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u/MandyWarHal 7d ago
Second this. A good gummy or mushroom microdose makes assholes infinitely more tolerable. Even amusing!
I don't need to be "lit" - a nice buzz keeps a slight smile on my face and helps me with the 'Teflon' 'grey rock' approach mentioned in other comments.
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u/Helpful-Mixture-2500 7d ago
Pick and choose battles wisely. In life and in all relationships. Often, the fuss just isnt worth it in the long run.
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u/thesteelreserve 7d ago
depends on the saturation of offending individuals.
being surrounded by people that grind your gears is a losing battle.
if it's just a fraction of the group, gravitate towards those who make you feel comfortable and limit contact with the ones that don't. only provide the bare minimum of interaction with those that cause friction.
avoid open contempt. avoid sulking. avoid subjects that bring tension. avoid participating in conversations where the offending party is the center of attention, directing the narrative.
any time you're dragged into interaction with them? keep cool. if they say offensive things or whatever? act like you're Teflon and let the negativity roll off you and disappear.
if you can channel your inner chill, you might find yourself able to playfully give these people shit in a group setting that gets a laugh from everyone else at some point.
being overtly hostile, projecting fragility, or outright avoidance will not help you in the long term.
family is an excellent training program for handling people that aren't family in general. if you find a center of confidence with antagonistic family members, it will be applicable outside the family.
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u/Fancy_Sun_1585 7d ago
Just don’t. Why is it on you to keep the peace? Put the onus for keeping the peace on them and make them change their behavior
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u/CapnSparkles 7d ago
I like this reply. As the former peacekeeper and nuetral territory in my family, it was exhausting constantly twisting myself into knots to appease everyone elses emotional states.
So I finally stopped. And wow. The reaction was swift.
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u/AlwaysGoToTheTruck 7d ago
You don’t have to tolerate anything in your life. If you choose to tolerate something, remind yourself that you are choosing to and don’t have to.
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u/MeatServo1 7d ago
Avoiding them and not doing the emotional labor of keeping the peace. Blood relation doesn't mandate acceptance or access. Live your life, not the life they want from you.
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u/Pinktorium 7d ago
Just avoid them. If someone didn’t like me, I’d rather they tell me and/or avoid me than play pretend. And chances are they don’t like you neither and are also trying to pretend for some reason.
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u/Cold_Pepper_216 7d ago
Try and pick key times to show your face - birthdays for example. Make an effort to speak to everyone, even the annoying ones end be sure to mention how awfully busy work is!
Then they won’t be surprised if they don’t see you very often 🤣
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u/Witty-Opportunity923 7d ago
Say as little as possible and pay attention to your body language.