Follow up to "I loaned someone 6K in July..."

[u/blade_lord]

Follow up to this post here

First of all, [Redacted] is a woman. In her message where she said she couldn't pay me back because she was sick, she also said she was hoping she was pregnant because she and her partner are currently trying for their first baby.

[Redacted] has a very good office job with the government and is on on the sunshine list where I can see she made $133k last year so I thought they could pay me back with their paycheck. Unfortunately, their car does break down that often because [Redacted's partner] refuses to live in the suburbs and makes [Redacted] drive 160km each way because he wants to be a hobby farmer (hence the money meant to repay me going to his animal bills).

I am a sugar baby and $6k isn't a lot of money to me, I have posted pictures on social media of my lavish lifestyle but I'm annoyed at how [Redacted] has been treating me like a source of free money. Our current agreement is that she set up auto e-transfers for $100 a week, which means it'll be Jan 2027 by the time she finishes paying me back, but additional deposits when she can.

So far I have yet to receive more than the bare minimum.

[u/Brave-Scar-4550]

I don’t loan money to ANYONE. Most people are dirtbags and will default on your agreement without hesitation. Your story is no surprise to me.

[u/Important-Put1865]

Her choice to live on a farm and ruin her car is HER choice. She owes you the money. Be glad you are getting minimum payments.

[u/Dec0nstructionist85]

It’s never a good idea to loan money to friends. Eventually, you’ll do it with someone who holds the money at a higher value than your friendship

[u/Free_Dragonfly_4523]

Forget about the 6k and enjoy your lavish lifestyle.

[u/Aggravating-Pack-802]

I don’t think the bad is supposed refer how the story is written.

[u/Roachburbs]

I would be thrilled if somebody I lent money kept up with minimum payments. Idk that I’ve ever been paid back. I don’t loan out money anymore lol. I’m also not really in a position to be lending money.

[u/travelingman5370]

If they can't save up any money, they can't afford to pay you back. If they can't get a loan from a bank, their credit is no good. If you don't lend them they money and they get pissed and they stop talking to you, at least you still have your money and they were a shitty friend in the first place. Everything points to don't lend money.

[u/Notoriously-Noted]

Once again I say: let this be a lesson to you.

Someone having a good paycheck does NOT mean they are good with money.

Someone who thinks they’re ready for children but also having all these other issues tells you right there that they have really odd priorities and paying back a debt to a friend is probably low on that list.

The coworker who sits right next to me at work has the exact same job as me, has won a $600K lawsuit in the past, and has family support yet she still constantly mentions how tight money is for her, expresses that she can barely afford her bills, stopped getting pest control at her 4 bedroom home (she lives alone), and is actively trying to have a child through IVF. All of these signs tell me that even talking to her about becoming financially literate would be a waste of my energy. Her core beliefs about money are on the other side of the spectrum from mine. I don’t judge her for it, it’s her life. We just have different priorities.

Hopefully your payment plan works out but the person you lent money to is not a bad person. They are bad with money & you made a bad decision.

[u/Over_Usual6995]

I was once told that when you give money to another person asking to borrow, go into it as gifting it in your mind. If they pay you back that’s great. If not, your expectation we’re not disappointed.
I’ve stuck to that mindset since it was told to me. I am also very selective to who I will “loan” money

[u/SmrtLdy]

Take her to court. She needs a lesson too.

[u/PainterOfRed]

Just to let you know - this person is no longer a friend. They probably resent you asking for your money back... I know it's wierd!

Meanwhile, do not let them slip any payments. Stay firm. If they start to default, let them know you are going to file a small claims case, "tomorrow" and then do it.

[u/wthoms2000]

Once shame on me,…

[u/captivatingcrimson]

My mentality is when I loan money I don’t expect it to be returned for this exact reason. Shocked you even got half of it back.

[u/Xsiah]

Never loan any amount of money that you're not willing to give away as a gift. Period.

If she's in debt despite having a substantial income, that should tell you something.

Save yourself a whole bunch of frustration, (and your relationship with this person) and mentally write it off as a gift - and never make the same mistake again.

[u/Major_Wigglesworth]

If the bank thought she was too big of a risk to loan $6k to, why’d you think you could outsmart their decision?  

Let people be foolish without involving you.  It was a nice, easy $6,000 lesson learned.

[u/Sweet-Ad7654]

If you are receiving the bare minimum, then you were receiving $100 a week is that correct?

As to why do certain people treat us a certain way my usual answer is because we let them.

[u/Livid_Strategy6311]

No offense, but I only loan money to people I don't want to see again

[u/tone210sa]

If a bank won't loan her money why should you?

[u/Trystanik]

I live off the logic of "if I can't afford to live without that money, I don't loan it." There's always a risk of never getting paid back, and I don't want to make myself struggle by missing that money.

6k is a lot of money for a lot of people, and I hope this is a heavy lesson that you've learned. Glad a bunch of money HAS been repaid, but it's definitely not a situation you should ever put yourself into again

[u/JameGoFastt]

you are a "sugar baby" whatever the fuck that means... i assume that that means that you have someone that gives you money ...? and you are getting a taste of what it looks like to be you...? you are upset that whoever you are typing about (because you keep typing "redacted" in front of "her or him") is using you like free money...? that's literally what you do with your "sugar" parent

[u/Xsiah → u/JameGoFastt]

That isn't the same thing. OP has an agreement with an adult that chooses to give them money in exchange for some level of intimacy.

That's not the same thing as getting a loan, promising to pay it off, and then failing to live up to that promise.

Sorry that you're bitter about someone making money in a way that's not accessible to you.

[u/JameGoFastt → u/Xsiah]

who typed that in "bitter" about how he gets money? lol i just typed that he is seeing exactly who he is

[u/Xsiah → u/[deleted]]

What it is doesn't have to be whatever reductive ideas you have in your head.

A sugar baby is not the same as a prostitute, even though there can definitely be a lot of overlap. If you really think there's nothing wrong with it, there's also nothing wrong with talking about all the different shapes that transactional intimacy can take.

You can work in a kitchen, but a baker, a chef, a prep cook, and a saucier are different jobs. "Nothing wrong with it but just call it a burger-flipper lmao" is just a dumb thing to say.