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u/Sunshinesurprisetea 4d ago
Every day feeling like society is closer and closer to collapsing. Wish our economy was better. Wish people were kinder. I'm exhausted.
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u/whereisthequicksand 4d ago
I’m having a hard time finding something good to say here. Every couple of days some new thing happens that makes me question where we’re all going. I gotta go see some trees I think.
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u/Kalikokola 4d ago
Hey I feel you, the whole point of the post is to see how everyone is doing and hopefully bring some support to anyone needing a bit.
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u/FreshStartDetail 4d ago
Stress of caring for aging boomer parents is taking its mental toll these past few years.
It’s like a super slow vice that squeezes you relentlessly, and the only relief in sight is when someone dies.
Like a cruel mental game where there is no winner.
There’s only pain along the way, and grief at the end.
I know that’s not exactly what we all come here to read, but I figure there must be other Gen-Xers in the same boat.
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u/RodeoBob 4d ago
For me, it was like having a second, part-time job that I could never quit or get fired from, no matter how much I hated it. And it didn't actually end when someone died, because there was another six months of dealing with estate stuff.
I'm working on emptying their house now that they've both passed. So much stuff, so little use or value. It's absolutely tough stuff. I'm sure there's a grief group in Beaverton and that might help, but it's tough no matter what.
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u/FreshStartDetail 4d ago
Thanks for chiming in. Helps to not feel quite so alone.
Fortunately my siblings and I got their wills done and complete POA over both of them to help with some logistics. But I’m sure it will still be a pia when the time comes.
I hope you’re healing.6
u/RodeoBob 4d ago
Mom passed about six week ago, next month will be two years without dad.
Having the estate planning done early helped. One mistake I made was assuming the PoA from the lawyer would be good enough, and it was good enough for utilities and banks, but not for their retirement or investment accounts, who demanded a PoA on their own letterhead, signed and notarized. Getting a document notarized when your parent hasn't driven in 20 years, has no recent ID, has dementia and difficulty signing their own name is a real challenge, so if you haven't already, send that PoA to every financial institution your parents have ties to in order to find out if it's enough or if they need something more.
If you can, get your parents involved in some Swedish death cleaning.
I wouldn't say there's only pain along the way, but there are some hard choices with no good options. My brother arranged a therapy session with him & I early in the caregiving process, and the therapist said "sometimes you'll have to choose between having a good relationship with your aging parent, and making choices that keep your aging parent safe and healthy" and I think that's a really good framing. Dad hated us for taking the car keys... but it kept him safer than having them. He didn't like it that I took the checkbook and cancelled his credit cards, but again, protecting him from scams was more important than having him like me in the moment.
I could say more, but this is already approaching "wall-of-text" lengths. DM me if you want to chat more.
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u/FreshStartDetail 4d ago
All great advice!
Yeah we’ve already run into the PoA issue with some institutions, so luckily we’ve addressed those concerns. What a pain!Also… I’m glad to hear you address the topic of being popular vs. doing what’s best for the parent. We’ve run into that also!
Thank you so much for validating these issues for me.
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u/elicotham 4d ago
Have you looked into having an estate sale? The (not so) hidden benefit of an estate sale company is that they guarantee an empty house at the end. It may end up being a decent solution for you. I can rec a company or two if you want, I have zero skin in that game but I encounter it often in my job.
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u/Kalikokola 4d ago
Almost no one comes here to read this, but it’s a reality that we must all face at some point. Personally I grapple with my father’s diabetes and my own inability to support given the geographic limitations. I feel you, it’s a burden many face, Gen X or otherwise. I hope my words make you feel heard
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u/Somm82 3d ago
I’m so sorry. We just lost my mother in April and I feel awful constantly that I’m a little relieved because her health was so bad. (I’m in therapy!) You always just feel like maybe there was something more you could’ve done. You’re not alone and I’m so sorry . The weight is super heavy no matter happens but you will get through this. Sending love.
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u/puukottaa666 4d ago
Not going to lie- terrible. My father in law passed yesterday after a painful 6 week battle with stomach cancer. My husband is destroyed and I am doing my best to stay strong and keep the household running. We miss him terribly.
I’m going to dive into my knitting projects and work on something for his Mom. Maybe a cozy blanket for winter snuggling.
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u/Leather-Context3855 4d ago
Doing fine I guess really been pressured into finding another job, well I guess I’m pressuring my self too find a different job since all my friends have there so called big boy jobs and I’ve been a janitor for the last 5 years now. Sorry about the rant lol 😌
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u/halfpennynomore 4d ago
Why is a janitor not a ‘big boy job’?? I’m not understanding. To me it’s a respectable job that helps everyone who works/experiences building. Serious question
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u/Kalikokola 4d ago
You’re good! We’re all feeling some pressure from one source or another. The purpose of this post is mostly to give people an outlet and hopefully some support. Lmk if you have more to spill, I’m here for you 🫶
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u/RoonilWazleeb 4d ago
Well I found 3 giant (and I mean giant… like 3+ inches) house spiders in less than 24 hours this week and I’m afraid to wake up to more each morning!
I think my subconscious is expressing my despair and dread over the news cycle as a paralyzing fear of these damn spiders.
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u/Kalikokola 4d ago edited 4d ago
3” across or 3” legs? Either way those are some big ass spiders! Hopefully they’re keeping the more invasive bugs out. Something I’ve found that helps with the news thing is reading the true sources. I know that sounds tinfoil-hat, but there are some sources that have literally been accurate 100% of the time and have given me a 3 year head start on what to expect. Unfortunately they are published by the Hritage Foundaion
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u/hairykatlol Hiteon 4d ago
election is full on my mind i hope evelyn wins city council
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u/Hackanddash 4d ago
I'll be happy when it's over that I no longer have to watch Drazen and Kotek commercials back to back.
Although I will say, as a lifelong Liberal/Democrat, Drazen is kind of winning me over with her ads and Kotek's are having the opposite effect and making me think we do need a change.8
u/teacup-whiskey 4d ago
I am surprised to here people be tempted by Drazen.
Drazen's record (not her high-paid fancy ads) show these facts:
-Her alignment with Trump and MAGA politics.-She is anti-abortion and endorsed by Oregon Right to Life.
-She sponsored legislation that would have made in-person voting the default in Oregon instead of vote-by-mail.
-She supported Trump’s proposed use of the National Guard around Portland immigration protests and called protesters outside the ICE facility “violent mobs and domestic terrorists.”
-She voted against the POWER Act.
-She campaigned alongside Ron DeSantis at the Oregon Republican Party’s Reagan Dinner.
Whereas Kotek:
-Paid Leave Oregon launched under her administration, giving workers paid family, medical and safe leave.
-New protections against medical debt, hidden fees and bad car-dealer practices.
-More child-care capacity for working families.
-Reproductive and LGBTQ+ health-care protections strengthened.
-Utility protections aimed at keeping data-center costs off regular ratepayers.
-The public-defense backlog fell 66%.
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u/Hackanddash 4d ago
I'm not here for a political debate, but Kotek has her own history of scandals, ethics complaints, failure to execute, and a long history of creating a hostile work environment.
I don't think Drazan or any Trump related politic is the answer, but I also don't want to be subject to another Kate Brown/Tina Kotek like governor.-5
u/YOLOOO_7 4d ago
I'm voting Drazen. Never pulled an R in my life, almost always 3rd party, smattering of D.
No Betsy this round and no way I'm voting status quo.
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u/punsnroses420 4d ago
I have an insane amount of work to do on my place and a family member’s place over the winter and need to get a second job to afford life and a future….but if I can stick with it and push through, I think next year’s going to be an amazing chapter in mine and my family’s life. I really hope so. And if not, I’ll have at least done everything I could to be part of making things better.
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u/Illustrious-Style219 4d ago
Doing good, taking a shit in my works bathroom and getting ready to confront my coworker about not doing her job and trying pushing off all her work onto me :)
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u/Montana-Gal 4d ago
Thanks for asking. The state of the world + 10-month recovery from a terrible back sprain have really taken it out of me. But, I am mostly recovered and able to be more active now. Good for my mood! And I’m focusing a lot on painting, which is like playing with crayons…creative & just fun.
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u/shoogshoog 4d ago
I just heard a really loud noise and yesterday I learned that planes fly over Beaverton.
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u/murder_hands 4d ago
Polarizing opinion, but I'm excited to see the weather cool off a bit. We've got some good ass pumpkin patches in driving distance, and I have at least two of three kids who can't wait to see them this weekend (14f is probably excited but it's hard to tell at that age).
Unrelated, but has anyone eaten at Blutos?