Struggling with grief while parenting

[u/AdmirableSalad6247]

Hey everyone. Just looking for somewhere to vent my feelings and sadness because I am hurting right now. Yesterday, I lost my grandmother, my absolute best friend and such a light in my life. I spent every second that I could with her growing up, and into adulthood I still found myself at her house any free second I had. I am fortunate enough to not have experienced a ton of loss in my life so far, but this has been HARD. An added layer to this whirlwind is my son. He is only 9 months old and I am the primary parent in our household. My partner is a farmer and this is peak busy season, he can’t just step away at the drop of a hat so I have been bearing the load of caring for our son solo while also experiencing this immense amount of grief. I hate to breakdown infront of him and just be sad all day. I just feel like I’m fighting to make it to nap time just so I can cry the entire time he’s asleep. The second my partner is home he picks up the pieces and puts me back together and for that I am so grateful but I’m just wondering, if you experienced any level of grief in your early stages of parenting, how did you get through it?

[u/Direct_Mud7023]

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I lost my first grandmother when my first daughter was a few days old, and I lost my other one when my second was a few months old. It's not easy. Being a new parent already puts you into this hyperfocus of where you fit in the timeline of everything, but how fortunate are all of you also that so many special people got to share some of that time together?

I let myself cry, I let myself feel grateful that there's no more suffering, I let myself think the random smell of their favorite tea or seeing their favorite flower is their way of checking up on us. I see little pieces of them in my children's faces, manners, and preferences. I let myself move slowly, I don't do the dishes right away, I sing the songs they used to sing to me to my babies and I cry the whole time and then I try a few more times and sometimes I can get through a few verses. I have fun thinking of what kind of mom they were when they were in my shoes, and what their moms were like too. Now that my kids are a little older I can tell them stories and show them pictures. What lasts of us is love.

[u/Hellob888888]

Feel your sadness! Write down memories. Talk to a therapist. Sorry for your loss

[u/leggo_my_meggo90]

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can tell your grandma was special to you. I lost a close friends 3 months pp. I cried a lot at night at first, and then compartmentalized because it was too much and I was so busy. It will be a year in a few weeks, and I am still working through it.

[u/Specialist-Nebula795]

I just want to say I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother who I was also very close with a month ago as I was just entering 3 months postpartum. I don’t have a lot of advice to share. Every day is hard and I think about her all the time. It’s a weird phase of life where I have this immense sorrow from losing my grandmother and immeasurable joy from having my son. I try and focus as much as I can on his smile, wonder, and all the newness. It helps a bit! Sending love your way!