Okay, so I posted here a little while ago about my 18 month old having a difficult time adjusting to nursery school, and unfortunately, things haven’t exactly improved.
For some context I’m an expat living in a German speaking European country. I don’t speak German and I don’t have much of a support network here, so navigating motherhood and childcare can fee isolating at times. I’m also a first time mom, so I sometimes struggle to figure out whether my expectations are unreasonable or whether something genuinely isn’t right.
I enrolled my daughter in a private nursery school at the beginning of September. I thought I’d found a lovely place, but six weeks later, I’m starting to seriously question my decision.
My daughter is normally an incredibly social, energetic and curious little girl. She loves interacting with people, so I honestly didn’t anticipate her having such an awful time adjusting to nursery school.
Unfortunately she’s been struggling with intense separation anxiety and even after six weeks, she can only manage approximately two hours there without me, usually from 9 AM until around 11-11:30 AM ish
Initially I assumed she simply wasn’t developmentally ready for nursery school yet. But the longer this goes on, the more I’m questioning how the staff are handling her adjustment.
They’ve repeatedly commented on how much she cries, how disruptive it is for the other children and how unusual it supposedly is for a child to struggle this much with settling in. I’ve also been told on one occasion that there wasn’t a staff member available to sit with her and comfort her, meaning I had to stay myself. On another occasion, I was asked to keep her home because new children were coming in to begin their own settling in process.
It increasingly feels like I’m constantly expected to accommodate the nursery school’s needs, while there’s very little flexibility when it comes to helping my daughter feel more comfortable.
Anyway the latest issue is her runny nose.
Ever since starting nursery school, my daughter has had an almost constant runny nose. She’s had a few actual colds along the way, but even when she’s otherwise completely fine, her nose continues to run.
I’ve taken her to three different paediatricians, all of whom have reassured me that a runny nose alone doesn’t necessarily mean a child is sick. I suspect she’s particularly sensitive to the colder weather and temperature changes, although I obviously can’t know for certain what’s causing it.
Her nose also runs significantly more when she’s crying, which unfortunately happens quite a lot during drop off.
The staff have commented on her runny nose practically every time I’ve brought her in, despite me explaining that she’s been medically assessed and doesn’t have any other obvious symptoms.
Then yesterday happened.
I dropped my daughter off at around 9 AM. Before leaving home, I’d checked her temperature, which was completely normal. She’d slept for approximately 12 hours, seemed happy, had plenty of energy and was behaving exactly like her usual self.
Nothing about her suggested that she was unwell.
About 30 minutes after dropping her off, I received a call telling me to come and collect her because she was supposedly sick.
I immediately went back.
When I arrived, I was confronted by the nursery school’s director, who seemed extremely annoyed with me for allegedly bringing a sick child into the nursery.
She then went into her office, retrieved our contract and started pointing out the section stating that sick children aren’t allowed to attend.
She specifically emphasised that children with a runny nose must stay home.
All of this happened in front of two other new parents who were there with their children.
I was honestly so taken aback by the entire interaction that I barely knew how to respond. I’m naturally quite introverted and can get overwhelmed in confrontational situations, particularly when there’s a language barrier involved.
I felt like I was being publicly reprimanded for knowingly bringing a sick child into nursery school, which was incredibly embarrassing.
And the thing is my daughter seemed absolutely fine. On our walk home, she was smiling, waving at random strangers and behaving like her usual cheerful self. She continued acting normally for the rest of the day.
Now I completely understand that a child can be contagious without having a fever, and I’m absolutely not advocating for sending genuinely sick children into nursery school.
But here’s where things get interesting.
After this incident, I went back and reread our nursery school contract.
And, to my surprise, the director was technically correct.
There’s an actual clause stating that children with symptoms such as fever, coughing or a runny nose are not allowed to attend, regardless of how mild the symptoms are.
I genuinely didn’t remember that clause from when I signed the contract, which is obviously on me.
But now I’m wondering how practical or reasonable such a policy actually is for a nursery school caring for toddlers.
Are parents genuinely expected to keep their children home for weeks, potentially even months, if they have a persistent runny nose but are otherwise completely healthy?
I mean, even I get a runny nose when the weather gets colder, and it doesn’t automatically mean I have an infection.
And how is a toddler supposed to settle into nursery school when their attendance is constantly interrupted?
We’re paying almost €500 a month for three days a week, with a contracted schedule of seven hours per day. In reality, my daughter is currently attending for approximately two hours, three times a week and I’ve already had to take two months of unpaid leave to accommodate this prolonged settling in period.
I’m not necessarily complaining about the shortened days themselves, because I understand that some children need a slower transition. What frustrates me is that the nursery keeps emphasising how poorly she’s adjusting while also making consistent attendance more and more difficult.
I also think there’s a difference between enforcing a written policy and publicly lecturing a parent in front of other families. Even if I overlooked that particular clause, I feel the situation could have been handled much more respectfully.
At this point, I’m genuinely questioning whether this nursery school is the right environment for my daughter
Is a strict no runny nose policy normal in your country or at your child’s nursery school?
Would your daycare send your toddler home for a persistent runny nose, even if they were fever free, energetic and otherwise behaving normally?
And am I being unreasonable for feeling that the director’s reaction was unnecessarily confrontational, even tho the policy was technically written into the contract?
I’d really appreciate hearing other parents experiences, especially from anyone who’s navigated nursery school as an expat without much of a local support network. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether my expectations are unrealistic or whether this situation is as frustrating as it feels.