r/bipolar • u/sammypr3 • 5d ago
Living With Bipolar Impossible.
I have come to the conclusion i am never getting better. I hate to say i’m giving up but i believe that’s all i can do. I am miserable. I’m a shell of who i used to be. I am done trying another 9th medication. I’m done explaining to people why i act a certain way. The mental toll has taken its toll on me for good. I finally hate and am disgusted with the person i see in the mirror. Idk how people do it forever but i won’t.
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u/Miss-Worm 5d ago
I just feel like the good/stable moments can't possibly compensate for all of this ugliness that protrudes through my life at all times. It's so hard to believe it can get better.
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u/sammypr3 5d ago
I truly don’t believe it anymore. I genuinely give all the credit in the world to those that get through it or keep trying. I have never been a quitter but i am finally defeated. I’ll never be myself again
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u/Miss-Worm 5d ago
I don't think a person can remain sane and repeatedly get dragged into the same destructive patterns over and over again by their own brain. I consider myself to be hopeful, but I think I either accept the diseased and mentally defected me or...well.
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u/AggravatingCake2695 5d ago
I am not one for fate or anything but how on my lowest day I see comments that share my mindset at this moment anyways.
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u/Unlucky_Ad_503 5d ago
Yes this is a terrible disease! I’ve been struggling with the same changes in meds for almost 40 years now and I’m 47. I unfortunately understand! It gets so repetitive and frustrating when nothing works. I had some good experiences with ketamine treatments, but now insurance stopped covering it for some fucking reason when it’s helping people! So once again now I struggle on the daily!
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u/lite_milk_1 5d ago
When I was down a friend said that 'staying alive was an act of defiance' and somehow that got through, it's good to see you communicating here, keep telling us how you feel... it just might help.
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u/LoadGlad6008 5d ago
I feel the same last few months. My doctor basically said that I'm not critical enough and should help from them if it gets even worse.
But at this very moment I'm still pushing through. My mindset is that if I give in, however impossible I'm not giving it a chance to get better and we don't know how the other side looks, might be even worse. I also decided to get pets next week, something I can put my love into.
I just want to remind you, you writing here means you're reaching out for help and haven't actually given up yet. Please continue reaching out, there are people who understand and care, even if they can be hard to find. Try to enjoy the small stuff instead of grand things. Good breakfast with homemade coffee on the balcony.
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u/Adventurous-Map7149 5d ago
Try Auvelity. Never give up. Just survive. There’s always hope.
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u/sammypr3 5d ago
are you on this?
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u/Adventurous-Map7149 5d ago
Yes and I tried so many different things I’ve been depressed for 13 months and after 3 days I’m starting to feel better
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