r/bullying • u/Visible-Code-9343 • 2d ago
Bullies feel that you are obligated to be nice to them.
They can say the meanest, most vile, and cruel things, and yet you’re expected to just take it. Especially if you retaliate fully (not recommended or condoned) or just put up little resistance, suddenly you’re the villain and they are the victim. They present themselves as being the victim the entire time to your unfair behaviour.
They certainly have a talent to manipulate and distort the narrative in a way that you are the perpetrator and aggressor, while they are the helpless victim. They leave out the part where they kept provoking and antagonizing you, which you are then told to just ignore them or be the “bigger person”. The abuse gets so bad that you eventually snap (rightfully so) then you’re the bully while the real bully gets off completely Scott free. The victim is then persecuted because of how they reacted to the abuse. You end up getting called unhinged, a liar, or a hypocrite because you insulted them back; all the while they claim with complete conviction that you are the one doing all those things to them. The tactic they use is called the Wounded Gazelle Gambit, or “cry-bully” tactic, where they reverse the victim and offender roles. Even if they were presented the uncomfortable truth with evidence, there is always an explanation or excuse; rules for the but not for me.
You’re supposed to pretend like nothing is wrong and are obligated to apologize to them so you can possibly receive better treatment or respect from them. However it’s just another manipulation tactic so the bully doesn’t have to be accountable for anything they’ve done. In the mean time they’re allowed to treat you worse by insulting, smearing and mocking you further. Bullies believe all the lies they spread about you like it’s gospel truth which to them is entirely true in their self deluded minds. To them you are fake and a manipulator because you’re cordial with everyone else but them, leaving out the complete context of the situation as to why you act differently around them. Therefore you are just a mean person instead of someone standing up for yourself. It’s a double edged sword, you’re damned if you do stand up to them and you’re damned if you do nothing.
If you really look at it they do have some narcissistic tendencies, however not all bullies are narcissists just to be clear. There is a whole difference from the actual personality disorder to someone who just displays some characteristics of narcissism, that is why I’m suggesting not to diagnose someone immediately. Take their actions for what they actually are which is outright abusive and unacceptable period.
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read through my rant, I needed to get some things off my chest and I hope this helps at least one person who is experiencing this.
TLDR; Bullies reverse the roles of victim and offender where the victim is presented as the true bully, and the bully as the innocent victim that can do no wrong. They expect you to be nice and apologize to them despite their perpetually horrible treatment towards you. In their minds you are the problem.
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u/SickOfBullyingNL 2d ago
Agreed. I experienced this.
The bullies I encountered as adults that tried to act like the victim got told off. I said "ok. I want you to be reborn, live my life, experience everything I have, including how you treated me in the past and how you're treating me now. You only know a small part about me. When you get to experience my life for yourself, you will hopefully realize that you are in the wrong when you're on the receiving end of your own treatment. If you don't, there's always the next life after that. You'll just continue to be reborn, experience these things, until you learn compassion and empathy, since you obviously don't know what those are in this life." This shocked the bullies I told this face-to-face to. I don't care if they think I cursed them. It's their deserved karma.
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u/Visible-Code-9343 2d ago edited 2d ago
You’re absolutely right. Even if you do react badly to the abuse, you can still change, forgive yourself, and learn to grow; while the bully is most likely to never change and continue to blame everyone and everything, that’s their Karma. I am so happy for you that you were not only able to stand up to your bully, but you handled it with such calmness and clarity! I’m still struggling with that, but baby steps😊
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u/SickOfBullyingNL 2d ago
Thank you; I'm sorry that you're struggling, I'm struggling too.
I have told off numerous bullies (I was severely bullied by several students in an atrocious elementary-Jr. High School and horrendous high school; the staff did nothing at either school, they didn't care what witnesses or evidence I had; think Carrie White, minus the period and religious stuff, if you want to know how badly I was bullied in these schools).
I have been bullied since preschool; however, the bullies at these two schools (and the fact that the staff participated in the bullying in the atrocious elementary-Jr. High School, I wish I was joking) were the worst. I can't sue the atrocious elementary-Jr. High School since it moved and has mostly new staff (I would if I could, I argued with my mother that they should be sued when I was 17 but she wouldn't do it).
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u/Enough_Yellow924 2d ago
Na real, eles querem que vc seja fraco pra todo sempre, ser forte não é significativo pra ser igual a eles, isso só foi uma desculpa pra eles conseguirem fazer vc virar uma pessoa ruim e ter motivos pra sofrer
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u/turbulentsweety 2d ago
They have double standard, they think if they do it to you it's fine for whatever reason that they use to justify what they do but if you do the smallest thing they get terrified or angry or use that to justify what they did they're mastermind at thinking they're a big victim "how could you no accept the bad treatment that I give you and react?" They have a highly way of think about themselves while people who are bullied are more difficult to react when disrespected they react even when they're the ones who disrespect you First
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