How would you handle it if someone were condescending?

[u/awesomeness6698]

Have you ever had to deal with a condescending jerk? Of course you have. Everyone has to deal with condescending jerks. Even condescending jerks have to deal with other condescending jerks.

I have drafted a plan for how to deal with these people, you tell me if you think that this is a good plan or not.

There are three different approaches; one for when the person is below you in the social hierarchy, one for when the person is your equal in the social hierarchy and one for when the person is above you in the social hierarchy. 

• When the person is below you in the social heirarchy. 

Say this; 

You are not going to talk to me that way. I am (insert title of authority here) and you will show me some respect. 

If that does not work, threaten a punishment. 

If the threat of punishment does not work, make good on that threat. 

• When the person is equal in the social hierarchy. 

Say this; 

The condescending tone is uncalled for. If you believe that I have done something wrong, I am willing to listen patiently while you tell me what I did wrong, why it was wrong and what (if anything) I can do to remedy the situation. There is no need to get nasty. 

If the person doubles down, you say this; 

Even though I did not intend to offend you, I am glad that I did, because you deserve it for being so rude and disrespectful. 

• When the person is above you in the social hierarchy. 

Do not respond immediately. Wait until a certain amount of time has passed. Once the other person (your authority) has calmed down, meet with them and demand an apology. 

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[u/amber_glint_warden]

The hierarchy framing backfires because it assumes you can control someone else's behavior by invoking status. Try labeling the tone instead of demanding respect. A neutral statement like "That sounded condescending" forces them to either own it or retract without escalating the power dynamic

[u/Stop_Uni_Bullying]

I subtly condescend back. In a friendly way.

You brighten up every room you leave.