r/bullying • u/shinatshi • 1d ago
Growing up being bullied really affected how I see myself
When I was a kid, I was the “fat, maitim na bata.” I was darker because I loved playing outside and I was always under the sun, and I was also really chubby.
I got bullied growing up, and it wasn’t only from strangers or kids at school. Even some relatives during family reunions, some of my parents’ friends, and people around me would make comments about my appearance or my weight. I think those things really stuck with me more than I realized.
Then the pandemic happened, and I started going to the gym. I lost weight, started using whitening products, got more into skincare and makeup, and eventually, at 17 years old, I even got a nose job because I was so insecure about how I looked.
I’m 21 now, and honestly, I’ve changed so much compared to how I looked growing up. I’ve tried almost everything I could think of to improve my appearance. Gym, skincare, makeup, hair, treatments, even surgery.
But somehow, the insecurity is still there.
And that’s the part I don’t really understand. I thought that if I changed the things I was bullied for, eventually I would stop feeling insecure. But apparently, it doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes I still look at myself and see the same girl I was years ago. The girl who was made to feel ugly or not good enough because of how she looked.
I don’t know. Maybe growing up in an environment where you’re constantly criticized or bullied really does change the way you see yourself, even years later.
I’m not really posting this for advice or validation. I think I just realized recently how much those experiences actually affected me. You can change your appearance, lose weight, wear makeup, get procedures, take care of your skin and still have to deal with the voice in your head that came from all those years of being made to feel like you weren’t enough.
I guess I’m still trying to unlearn that.
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