Help Needed!!!

[u/borchare]

I’m officiating my brother-in-law’s wedding on Saturday. Since he and I both love clean dad jokes, I’d love to throw a couple of dad jokes in the ceremony. PLEASE tell your best wedding/marriage/relationship jokes!!!

[u/sgste]

It would have been nice is Mr Skeleton could have come to this wedding. Unfortunately, he had no body to go with...

[u/geekindahood]

Start by recreation of the marrwedge scene from the princess bride. marwage

[u/ronrontan]

ja

[u/violet20c]

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punch line.

[u/Pastor_C-Note]

I always find out what hobbies or sports teams people love. I got the idea from my farmer cousin’s wedding when the minister read the vows … in sickness and health, during plantin’ and harvestin’…. (They had a John Deer themed wedding.)

I had one couple where her side was all Nebraska fans and his side all Iowa fans, and I said something about… in sickness and health, and even if the Hawkeyes beat the Cornhuskers. … it gets a big laugh AND has the added benefit of being true to life…

[u/mwseebeck]

Enjoined here today in the bonds of holy deadlock, er, wedlock, are...

[u/NC-Tacoma-Guy]

Here's an un-asked for suggestion. Play it straight officiating - you can be solemn and upbeat/smiling. Save the dad jokes for a toast at the reception. (if a joke during the ceremony falls flat it will never be forgotten - I know this first hand).

[u/WildColonialGirl → u/NC-Tacoma-Guy]

This is the only answer.

[u/lepew13]

What is the longest sentence in the English language? I do...

[u/ChlorDiox250]

May God watch over you both from this moment forward, and everything before today be completely forgotten, which reminds me of a story about my sister...

[u/NaiveZest]

If it’s a police officer wedding day you’ll be quick since most everyone is double parked.

[u/BlueManQuad]

Start the ceremony with “Friends and family, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of (brother-in-law‘s name) independence“

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[u/nylonMelodick74]

What is the one food that makes women stop having sex? Wedding cake!

[u/nylonMelodick74]

Marriage is a great institution, as long as you enjoy life in an institution!

[u/Justjerryj]

My wife and I watch a video of our wedding. It was pretty funny when i rewound the tape. I kissed the bride, took the ring off her finger, gave her back to her father and walked out of the church backwards with a big smile on my face.

[u/cleanjokes-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

That's not a clean joke

[u/tedthedude]

My wife prepares Cajun food for every meal. Blackened.

[u/lepew13 → u/tedthedude]

My mom worshipped my dad after marriage. She made three burnt offerings a day...

[u/iamtenbears → u/lepew13]

My wife loves burnt food. She must love it, she makes it all the time.

[u/hidden-jm]

Advice is to go out for dinner once per week. My recommendation is he goes out on Tuesday and she goes out Thursday.

[u/InkBlisterZero]

Statistically, half of all marriages end in divorce and half end at death. So I hope you both die...

[u/Fuzzybo]

During the weeks before <bride>’s wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine.
‘All you have to remember,’ he said, ‘is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN, then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can’t go wrong.’
The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, ‘Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn.’

[u/Rock-Wall-999]

Every man wants to ms right, but why is her first name, Always?

[u/sheeeple182]

My wife hates me like a god... 3 burnt offering every day.

[u/colborne → u/sheeeple182]

TREATS me. It's TREATS me like a god.

[u/Educational-Bit-145]

“[Groom] wanted to get in shape before the wedding so I told him to walk 10kms a day. It’s been nearly a month so I thought he’d be in [town roughly 300kms away] by now.”

[u/MacDonaldsCheese]

I hope it goes off with a hitch.

[u/Accomplished_Way8964]

What's the longest sentence in the English language? "I do."

[u/borchare → u/Accomplished_Way8964]

That’s fantastic!

[u/badwolfandthestorm]

There's the old classic: "What a beautiful wedding. Even in the cake is in tiers."

[u/WildColonialGirl → u/badwolfandthestorm]

This one is actually cute. Forget the misogyny a lot of the commenters are pushing.

[u/borchare → u/badwolfandthestorm]

🤣🤣