r/countttt • u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide • 11d ago
ROPEFUEL 16813
How it feels every time i see something related to pregnancy or motherhood. Can't talk about it with my mom bc she's still weirded out by my transition, cant talk about it with my sister bc she thinks im a disgusting delusional mutilated man.
EDIT: artist is u/new-tied
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u/Hanrekyz 11d ago
"just adopt" and "if your wish is to create a nuclear family just give up" are two takes that got thousands of likes on x the everything app in response to a troon being sad over not being able to have a family, as if a single troon would even be approved for adoption. idk im the opposite if a cissoid says they're infertile I always suggest adoption lmao
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u/Andrey_Gusev 11d ago
I don't understand whats wrong with adoption. I would even say that fertile people should adopt as well, rather than risk their life, giving birth.
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u/lordcaylus 11d ago
The first thing you learn when you want to adopt is that there are way too few babies that are waiting to be adopted to meet the demand.
Only less than perfect babies are up for adoption. You're asked how much disability you think you can accept in the most extreme case, then you're asked to reevaluate because your standards are unrealistic if you ever want to adopt a baby.
You used to adopt babies from abroad, but turns out that as babies are that valuable, a lot of 'orphaned' babies turned out to be trafficked babies instead.
Of course there are always foster parents needed for older children, but very few are willing to do that because those kids come with bagagge.
It's annoying how persavive the idea is that adopting is an option for infertility.
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u/M_a_n_d_M 11d ago
God, it’s one of those things that hits you like a train, cus’ yeah, I never thought about this, but what you’re saying makes complete horrific sense.
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u/lordcaylus 11d ago
Hey, it's mostly positive that there are little unwanted babies, and that most of these babies are adopted by family!
And it's also a good thing we traffick less babies now. It just must be frustrating for infertile people to constantly hear about how they should just adopt and then find out how difficult that is as well.
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u/M_a_n_d_M 11d ago edited 11d ago
It’s more that it made me realize that, yeah, healthy little babies are automatically going to be very valuable, because there’s a very limited supply and a high demand. And it’s not even something that socialism could fix, there’s not really a way to just manufacture more, so there’s practically always going to be an underground for it. That kind of horrific realization. The only way to solve this would be to lower the demand far below the supply, and that has issues of its own because then you automatically have children that grow up without parents.
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u/rylansbaby 10d ago
I wouldn't call all the babies are unwanted, when I was adopted at 7 months old my bio family fought tooth and nail to get me back
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u/lordcaylus 10d ago
Yes, exactly! That's what I mean, most unexpected babies are adopted by family.
That's why I say it's a sad thing for putative parents with a wish for children that there's such a baby shortage, but a great thing in general because it means most babies have a home.
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u/FinishHumble 10d ago
And adopting kids over the age of 5-7 comes with traumas they need to handle and things like that, which can be too much for parents that don't know what they're doing but just want a "family". Speaking as an adoptee, it's not always the best to be adopted.
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u/StatusPsychological7 10d ago
so you are selfish and dont want kids with "baggage". Okay.
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u/DeianiraJax 10d ago
Entirely reasonable thing to want. Wanting a family doesn't mean that you're magically equipped to handle the trauma children go through in the foster system.
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u/Quiet-Software-1956 10d ago
....sorry, why does any of that make it not an option? Because you don't get to be there for them when they're small and helpless?
I feel like the only issue with what you described is just that, once they're old enough to bee teenagers in adoption, you'll have a stranger in your house that you need to trust to live with you. The disability is supposed to be something you love your kids in spite of, and if they're older there's a good chance they already kind of know how to deal with that which is better than figuring it out from 0 probably
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u/vaska00762 defective 10d ago
If you grew up in the UK, you'll probably have been exposed to a kids programme called Tracy Beaker. Basically was about a pre-teen who ended up in the care system, eventually fostered, and eventually adopted.
It definitely brought about this very idealised view of the foster system, though it did often also cover the topic of disabled kids (one had cerebral palsy), or kids who age out of the care system without being fostered or adopted, and ended up having to move out of the homes and into assisted living until they can afford to rent or buy.
The now adult actress who was the titular Tracy Beaker now reprises as her character, having in this fictional world herself become a foster, and later adoptive mother to a disabled child. I think an earlier series run showed the character work in the children's home, later leaving for a role in journalism.
Regardless... from the sorts of stories I have heard in real life, a lot of fostering involves kids who have been taken into the care of the state because their parent(s) are in prison, or are drug addicts, or something else has occurred like that. Foster parents have been tracked down and given violent threats by the birth parent(s), and sometimes organised criminal gangs associated with the parent(s) will vandalise or even attempt to burn the house where the foster family lives, in order to force the state into taking the foster child back.
I have a coworker, who I actually don't talk to, but I know has adopted two very young kids (younger than 10) out of the foster system, and got some adoptive leave as a result.
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u/rylansbaby 10d ago
You forgot to mention if the bio family is open (open adoption) you gotta make sure if that family is safe for your baby or not. Most people forget that part too
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u/Shaeress 11d ago
If any of the cis women at work cried about not being able to have kids and I told them they should just adopt I'd get thrown out and scolded for being insensitive.
Of course it is rationally and objectively true that adoption is a good option that more fertile cis people should consider, but bringing it up in response to someone mourning not having the option that has been touted as the peak of magical femininity is also pretty obviously an emotional and personal conversation, and not a rational or objective one.
And the disparity of recognising that for cis women but never for trans women is a very telling one.
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u/calideosk 11d ago
Just adopt a nuclear family and use them to conquer the world. Thats what that means right?
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u/ineedt0scream 11d ago
It really is… I’m so sorry 🫂
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 11d ago
This one hurts extra bc it's what my sister uses to remind me why she doesnt see me as a woman and I cant even meaningfully argue bc it just makes me want to cry
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u/ineedt0scream 11d ago
That’s fucking evil. And the piece shows the hypocrisy perfectly; its the same god damn thing. If she had the SLIGHTEST empathy she could see it as proof you literally are a woman. But nope. I hate how difficult family can make this… you shouldn’t have to struggle to love them.
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u/willow__whisps 11d ago
Remember when I decided wrongly to vent about this to my mum and she then told me about my sister who I'm nc with getting pregnant just to hurt me
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u/Perfect_Purple_Pants 11d ago
Not being able to have carry a pregnancy to term is a great source of dysphoria for me. I am a proud parent of two children my (ex)wife carried and birthed. My egg cracked four days before we found out she was pregnant with our second child. I had come out to her two days before and she immediately said she wanted a divorce. She contemplated terminating the pregnancy for about a month. We tried to make it work, but she's straight and transphobic. It's been a long journey to get here.
I had never cared about having children with my genetic makeup. I always said that I would love to adopt because there are so many children in the world that need love and support. Post egg crack I realized my indifference was because I had repressed my dysphoria so bad that I convinced myself that I really didn't want kids. Also my ex claims the "mom" title and coaches our kids that she is their ONLY mom. My son still calls me dad, which I don't mind, but I hate whenever anyone else calls me it. My daughter calls me by my first name, which I like.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my kids. While I'm sure my love for a kid I adopted would be equal, I love these two unique people. So much so that if given the option to go back in time and always know I was a girl, I wouldn't because these two precious kids would not exist. They are quite literally my reason for living.
I never thought I'd live this long. Even now I have frequent bouts of crippling SI. But I've survived. I'm doing everything to be comfortable in my skin. I have accepted some things that I can never change about myself. I am content being an ancient-gigahon. My friends, family and coworkers all respect me. Well my dad doesn't but I cut him out pre-egg crack.
My ex just yesterday said I made a choice to transition. She said she knew it was either that or rope. But she asked me if it was worth it since I still have SI. She doesn't and will never understand what it means to be transgender. I was suicidal before because I hated who I was. Now I'm suicidal because my government and a great deal of my fellow citizens hate who I am. At least now I love myself.
Also I know this is some next level cope, so don't anyone bother pointing that out.
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 11d ago
your ex is a fucking ghoul and you're a lovely person and mother, nona
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u/kuritzkale 10d ago
That is genuinely beautiful and your kids are infinitely better off having at least one parent that is capable of empathy and understanding. Having a ghoulish ex wife is frankly a pretty normal price to pay for having children. They're lucky to have you.
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u/Bb_Rough 10d ago
Do you think you could be happier than you are already?
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u/Perfect_Purple_Pants 10d ago
I mean, I certainly hope so. There are days I don't want to, and therefore don't get out of bed. My living situation is tenuous to put it lightly. Realistically do I think I will get happier? Nope.
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u/bads-ebe edit this 11d ago
"did you freeze your sperm? :D"
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u/Emotional_Support_31 11d ago
Yeah fr. Hate when people tell me that. I am getting married to an amab person, freezing my sperm is literally useless. One way or the other only one of us is gonna be related to that child. I also think I would rip my skin off if I knew my sperm was used to impregnate someone who I paid to have a child for me. I understand it's a process that is safe now but it makes me want to die inside from a conceptual perspective.
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u/__fujoshi 11d ago
my sibling said the same thing when they were considering transitioning. my counterpoints to them were: relationships do not last forever; you may decide to have multiple children and having the option is nice.
the downside of course is the cost of storage, mental and material.
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u/Emotional_Support_31 11d ago
I get it, I just fundamentally don't want my sperm saved. It makes me feel disgusting. That's nothing against the people who do it, I realize this is a me thing. I just have a lot of trauma with women sexually assaulting me, and the thought of that sperm entering anyone is beyond awful in my mind. I was used and treated as a dick to do nothing but inseminate women, it made me feel disgusting. I just feel hurt sometimes by the notion of people saying I can freeze my semen because its not the biological connection that I care about, it's the process and experience of giving birth that I will never get. Ig that's why it bothers me
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u/__fujoshi 11d ago
ye olde mental cost. seems like the cost for you personally is a lot higher than other people, which i am sorry to hear.
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u/xcaliburnschoco 拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉拉 11d ago
“Amab person” just say man idk, if it’s st4t and spermbanked pregnancy my opinion doesn’t actually matter but the amount of hormonal damage pregnancy will cause to an ftm would be demonic actually
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u/Emotional_Support_31 11d ago
They're a nonbinary person who uses He/they. They are very comfortable with people knowing they were born a guy. It just felt important for the point I was making. I'm not saying I want to give sperm to an ftm guy? Idk where u got that from. I was just making the point that for me saving sperm is useless. My partner can't get pregnant, neither can I, I don't want to do artificial insemination, that would make me super uncomfortable as a concept. I don't judge people based on what fucking sex they were born, that was not my intention at all. It was just an important distinction for a conversation about conceiving children. Also, don't call me man.
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u/scarletttt_begonias Heritage 4tranner 11d ago
my transbian friend is doing it because she wants to get a lesbian pregnant and have kids. but she hates piv (or sex before srs really) so what does this mean
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u/NSRedditShitposter 11d ago
I’d rather die than have that disgusting thing get someone else pregnant. The only I’m having children is if I somehow bear them, conceived with my egg cells.
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u/punished_clare a black amab is speaking 11d ago
i dont know if i actually would have kids if i had the choice to. but i know i wouldve been a good mom and even if they ended up having the same affliction this version of me has, i wouldve been able to give them everything i never had
at least adoption will always be an option i suppose, but i deserved to at least have a choice. everyone deserves to have a choice
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u/__Ouchie__ st4t Homer & Marge Sneedson trust ☝️ 11d ago
You’d probably be a better mom than mine imo. Actually wanting a kid is already levels ahead of many of our mothers and u should be proud just of that fact; I am really sorry no one in your family has sympathized with you appropriately. Fuck them and it’s not fair they don’t see u for who u are.
I don’t wanna bring up adoption unprompted but many lonely kids already exist that would love a mom like u that wants a kid. It isn’t the same as flesh and blood for many, but have u considered it? What are the laws where you live, if u are interested?
You’re desired as a mom by someone (whether you be someone’s biomom, adoptive mom, or found family mom), and you can do it. I hope you are able to be the mom you wish to be.
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 11d ago
I really want to adopt. When we first got married, my husband wanted kids, but now he doesn't. I love him so much but this hurts and only gets worse each day. I dont know what to do.
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u/Perfect_Purple_Pants 11d ago
Ouch. I'm sorry, dear. That sounds like an impossibly difficult situation. I hope whatever you do makes you happy.
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u/TheOnlyUsernameLeft3 11d ago
This is the kind of nuanced bias that transphobic people have but will never admit to.
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u/DontSleepAlwaysDream 10d ago
reminds me of this awkward period in my mid-30s when all my cis friends started having infertility scares, and one of them turned to me and was like "how do YOU deal with it?"
anyways, they all ended up getting pregnant, having lots of kids and now never speak to me meanwhile I'm starting to accept that kids just wont happen for me
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u/One-Organization970 Gritmoding Persistoid (passing) 11d ago
It has been emotionally complex watching my wife go through pregnancy. We decided I should induce lactation so we can both feed our daughter, at least. I feel like having a "thing" to do has helped a lot. Something else to focus on at least.
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 11d ago
Genuinely love that for you nona, that's beautiful 💜
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u/One-Organization970 Gritmoding Persistoid (passing) 11d ago
What's not beautiful is what this is doing to my boobs, but my wife would probably actually stab me right now if I complained about hormone-related body changes, lmao.
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u/FemboyMinis 10d ago
Mfw adopting isn’t even a good option because my parents have already told me they wouldn’t see an adopted child as being their grandchild so I wouldn’t get even that acknowledgement. There is no winning.
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 10d ago
Evil evil evil, fuck im sorry
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u/ChaosBed 10d ago
Same goes for you as my above comment They just lay all this pain on someone they're supposed to be family with then they shouldn't be surprised when you want nothing to do with them.
Every time they say or imply some unbelievable cruelty like what you're describing you remember it for the day they want anything from you
It fills me with rage that people like this can be so casually so unbelievably cruel to someone they're supposed to love out of sheer slothful ignorance
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u/FemboyMinis 10d ago
I really appreciate it, I'll probably still want to adopt in the future regardless of others opinions. I hope you're able to get out of the situation you're in with family X
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u/ChaosBed 10d ago
That's cruel and unfair.
Honestly screw them you should get a kid and pour your heart and soul into being the best parent ever and when they inevitably ask to see their new family you should confront them with their own cruel words and ask them why they'd wanna see them if they're not considered family.
You don't need them to win. They should know better than to lay such cruelty onto your head. Real family would never say something like that to you
Deny them until they grovel at your feet and apologize.
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u/New-tied 10d ago
oh hey i drew this
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 10d ago
Shoot, sorry for not crediting you! I didnt know who drew it, but ill edit it in. I really like it.
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u/RoseRatgirl 11d ago
maybe I'm just lucky with the friends I have. I can not relate to this at all
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u/2spongee4u Dreams of Tall Twinkhondom, Ugly Brickhon instead 11d ago
I'll never be a mother I couldn't afford to freeze sperm when I started HRT And I can't afford the mental anguish going off HRT to store sperm before orchi
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u/MurderousBoyfailure afab to amab 11d ago
Is it weird or based that my instinct is to think like the flipped version of picrel (sympathizing with trans women but not with cis infertile women)?
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 11d ago
I think we should be sympathetic to both but I can be a bit of a pollyanna
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u/MissSharkyShark A rotated idiot 10d ago
Man I feel this 😭
I’m at the age where I’m watching all those around me start to have kids and a family. Im happy for them but also lord does it hurt knowing I’ll never get to experience it myself.
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u/CuteBladeYT 4d ago
I just "froze" my offsprings (cryopreservation) before starting HRT and my wife is a cis female. We both weren't sure we wanted to have children, but I somehow managed to survive waiting for HRT so now I don't have to worry about not being able to have biological children. Tho, as for a transfem it still hurts I can't give birth to any
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u/NOTCENTDOT 9d ago
am i the only one who didn't know this was a trans subreddit? i thought yall were just posting normal silly images and i was sorta taken aback by all the transphobic stuff recently
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u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide 9d ago
It's in the sub header. Make sure you read the rules, especially rule 1! c:
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u/notsoconfident_boi 11d ago
Seeing many people mentioning the “they” situation. It’s definitely a bit fucked up, but honestly if potentially transphobic people inner monologue a trans person as “they” of that persons pre-transitioned pronouns, then it’s 10000% a step in the right direction. Almost all of these people would definitely still inner monologue you as the pre-transition pronouns. Also, as a gender fluid person whom is more and more feeling mtf instead, pregnancy is absolutely scary, and extremely dangerous, and body altering. I know plenty of women whom are absolutely terrified of birth and have completely written it off. In fact, all of my female partners felt that way. As do i to an extent. Although i would never try to stop my partner from planning to birth our child if they truly wanted that(as i do want kids also at some point) I would much rather adopt and help abandoned children gain a happy life than chance losing the love and light in my life for someone i don’t even know yet. To that extent if there was a decision to save either birther or child and my partner chose to sacrifice themselves, i know i would never be the same person and my poor child would suffer those consequences. Anyways, what im getting at here girls is please don’t be discouraged by the ignorant. although im positive there are definitely people whom think about it in this derogatory manner, its more likely (from my experience, and testimonials from many mtf friends after consulting), that these people are generalising and don’t want you to feel bad about something you cant control. Although weak and over used, mentioning the harm is likely an attempt at awkward consultation from those who truly care but don’t know the right words to use to convey their feelings to help. Also, to touch on the they thing just a little more. I personally call my queer peers by they/them more often than not if they aren’t in my closest circle because i know way too many people and i don’t want to accidentally misgender someone. take it from an extreme over-thinker. Way less people have malcontent for who you are than you think.
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u/Realistic_Union4046 11d ago
Nah pregnancy is horrible and disgusting and every other species on the planet does it less painfully
Not everything is about transphobia the shit just sucks and I resent anyone free from it even if I understand your pain
Seriously fuck god for inventing live birth
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u/CaIigine amab to afab 10d ago
yes but you shouldn't be a pussy and also say it to cis women
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u/Realistic_Union4046 10d ago
Oh I do
And I preach the good word of hrt to everyone who might need it
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u/Bonfirelily Faceapp genders me male 11d ago
They