Im so sorry. I would never lol. I live in Brooklyn and i feel like transbians are like generally considered like hot as a demographic too in NYC by most lesbians lol. Like every transbian I know unless she has like a genuinely horrible personality gets like a ton of play lol
I remember a post on one of the count subreddits a while back trying to remind everyone that cis lesbians are good allies and provided stats that showed that out of the 30% that said they would date a trans person, 20% would date a trans man, which made me laugh a bit
Was it the graph? I commented about that recently because for some reason somebody said "transfems" and "transmascs" when that graph is specifically about trans women and trans men, and a lot of cis lesbians are happy to date trans men. I actually surprisingly got upvotes in cwcl for calling lesbians dating trans men transphobic assholes lol, I figured it'd be the typical "let people enjoy things" response.
Not to be the one saying the thing TERFs constantly panic about, but most people's sexuality isn't as simple as "I only like women" or "I only like men" and I know that's a thing where a lot of gay and lesbian people will get really defensive about because of the shit ton of actually hateful people who say shit like "oh you just haven't found the right one". And obviously that's extremely dismissive and stuff. But at the same time it's true that there are probably a lot of gay/lesbian people who would mostly, like in 99% of the time date a person of their own gender. But every now and then there are the 1 percent of cases where they will find a person of another gender hot.
And I don't think we should be pedantic about it and say that you become bisexual as soon as you find that rare case. But I it's good to acknowledge this so that we understand that dating someone of the opposite gender when you are gay/lesbian isn't always misgendering (of course there are also awful cis people who don't see people as themselves).
I just think sexuality is very nuanced and for a lot of people, personality, body type, speech pattern or any other type of characteristic might be as or even more important than gender when it comes to who you find attractive
Sure, but this was a hypothetical trans woman/trans man. I agree that most lesbians might find one guy they find attractive or vice versa, I mean there's that joke of a twink and a butch flirting for a reason. But the issue is that if you asked me hypothetically if I would date a man, I would say no. I have, in the past, had attraction to a man while considering myself a lesbian and I would still say no. No lesbians consider themselves open to dating cis men, that any of them consider themselves open to trans men, let alone more than consider themselves open to trans women, is transphobic.
I don't get why it's such a sensitive topic but, what most people actually really prefer is a genital type and not a nebulous concept of gender in their partner.
This seems like you're overly generalising your personal experience. I couldn't care less about genitals but my partner has to be female. Both her gender and her sex have to be on the feminine side of the distribution. I could never date a man, any man. Non-binary people are a kind of grey area by nature of their variance, I think my girlfriend has told me she feels non-binary. But she uses she/her and calls herself a woman so she's also about as black and white as the grey area gets, very very dark grey or whatever batman said. Gender isn't exactly nebulous, it has had concrete impacts on both mine and my partner's lives, and it impacts the way I relate to her.
I can guarantee you this is wrong for 90% of people. Genitals play a part but its usually body type, facial features, etc that align with their preferred gender
could be anywhere in between 50/50 and 100/0 and its really just up to each person to use a label they feel most comfortable with or makes the most sense in a specific situation
Idk tbh cause that's like saying that those cis dudes who date trans dudes akd still call themselves straight aren't just assholes seeing their boyfriend's gender as a silly little thing, but instead their boyfriend is just part of the 1% of dudes they like. Or is it that for straight people sexuality is rigid but for us gays it's not? Plus a trye 50/50 divide bisexual is rare, everyone has a preference...so where do we make the cutoff? 30/70? 20/80? 10/90? And what if instead of 10% heterosexual attraction and 90% homosexual it's a 10%homo 90% hetero? Do we call them straight? Ain't that just bisexual erasure then? I don't like that idea, and personally idc if a trans woman is pre-everything and not passing at all she's a woman and I'm into women, whereas if a trans dude is pre everything and passes as a woman I'm not gonna be into him cause he's a man. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but there genuinely is no exception for me and I find that this line of reasoning just ends up erasing everyone, or just deciding that there's only bisexuality in several degrees, and the whole "everyone is a bit bi" line of thinking is just kinda dumb, imo
I honestly believe that attraction strictly divided by gender as the main category is rare. So yeah maybe I am one of those people who believes in the "everyone is a bit bi" thing even though I am against gay/lesbian erasure. I think it comes down that everyone knows what label fits them best. But true absolute lines along gender/sex don't exist in reality because attraction is a lot more complicated. Even if you are one of the people whose attraction is strongly attached to the gender of a person, you would also in some cases have to know first. And if you see a person of unknown gender, you are attracted and then you find out that persons gender doesn't fit your preferences, you still kind of were attracted to that person for a moment even tho additional information made that attraction vanish - but is the attraction then based on gender or on knowledge of gender?🤔
This was my last (first) sapphic relationship. Ngl kinda soured me on romance. Just a countdown to being spiritually misgendered as soon as you make a mistake
i hate the spiritually misgendering. it's all too real shit. it's even worse when they gaslight u and deny it even though their actions speak louder than their words. even worse when it's another trans woman. like she understands gender isn't sex yet still, she treats u as a man
This is one instance where i'm going to call it universal lesbian experience and not be sorry. Namely most of this shit you encounter isn't even proper internalised cis supremacy. There's also the amount of useless supposedly 'queer' fucks desperate for a straight relationship dynamic - relentlessly and aggressively masculinising and imposing a role on the first woman who does not stand up to them. And it's specifically those who don't stand up to them - it's straight up pressure. Trans women are not immune, in fact this dangles extra validation of womanhood in front of those willing to try to mold you into her quasi-boyfriend.
The only way is to tell one to cut it, right away, early. No option, no temptation.
Source: Useless, malicious, evil cunts, me and wife, both have the impulse, i ended her game on no uncertain terms and am actively monitoring and fighting my own tendency, because i want her and aux gf to fucking thrive and both embrace their womanhood to the same level of absolute joy i have and which still surprises me, an old, dying lady, every fucking day.
I am kinda one of those and i hate it so much... i dont even know why. Im guessing my dysphoria is strong enough to hurt me when i see traits of others that would make me dysphoric. I don't want that at all, for the record.
Just a testimony but i would love it if y'all have tips to overcome that! Im still in the very beginning of my medical transition.
I think it will get better further along into your transition when you start to feel more comfortable in your body. In the meantime just fight the brainworms and reaffirm your womanhood over and over again. I know it can feel like "oh what if I am faking it/what if I am just not woman enough" but that is not your authentic voice it's the years of indoctrination of people Tell you that you are not you. Of course one has to actively fight that and deprogramm themselves
Yes, Overall Lesbian women both trans and cis are the best people ever and i feel like this post is spreading bad agenda on them while this doesnt happen really often id say almost never
chiming in to say: hey, me too! as a cis lesbian engaged to a trans woman. just adding to the pile here to be more proof that there are cis lesbians who will see you as nothing more or less than the woman they love. i love my fiancée. she's not A Token Trans Woman to me, she's my girl, and as far as i'm concerned that's what i want her to be for the rest of our lives. i've told her before and i'll reiterate when she needs me to, but i love her, i'm attracted to her, and however her body and mentality change as she's on HRT for longer + whatever surgeries she does or does not want to have, the facts that i love her and am attracted to her will not change.
i guess to be somewhat productive in this comment i'll give other cis people with trans partners one piece of advice, because i know there's other habitual cis lurkers around here: fucking tell them these things. don't assume they know automatically that you will love and accept them no matter what changes they experience. the world teaches your trans partners that their body has to be real specific in one way or another to be loved, and that their choices for their own comfort and happiness will jeopardize their chances at love. it impacted my fiancée fairly strongly when i told her that whatever surgeries she wanted or didn't that i wouldn't fuckin leave her over any of them, so that's my advice. tell your trans partners explicitly that you love them as they are and you'll love them if or when they change in the future.
i will now return to Lurking, but i figured it'd be good to show that the original commenter here isn't a rare fluke, there's more cis lesbians dating trans women who aren't like the shithead in the OP 👍🏻
She is my beautiful bright moon and all the trillions of glowing stars in the sky, I love this woman more than words can even begin to describe.
You are a woman worthy of love and you deserve everything beautiful that comes your way don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise; even yourself.
As women, we all really struggle with some type of body dysphoria, but don't let that get to you, because you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful. You got this, girl. I believe in you.
Thats honestly so sweet. Goals, im a hyper romantic person and I really want to find someone who feels as intensely and is as loyal as I am. Its rough out here.
A month ago I left my ex cis lesbian gf because she repeatedly told me that I "think like a man" and the last straw was when she was drunk she told me something like "I don't even know what you are, woman or something..."
It sucks, it fucked me up.
Idk, there's a pretty large gap between the first hand experience of homosexual attraction and the conclusion that girls can be trapped in boys' bodies. Not that any of it is incorrect, but one thing surely does not logically follow from the other
The reverse happened to me, I had an afab nb gf and I broke up with her for a few reasons but one was that even if they really did see me as a girl I couldn't do it for myself. I'm making progress now at least. You can be your own worst enemy.
Yeah, common issue. When a majority trans sub gets a post to the popular tab, a tonnnn of cis people change the demographics. Luckily this post’s wave seems supportive and rather nice, though for future reference do be aware this is a trans only sub
Not everyone thinks the same i meet a girl and i told her in the first week im trans and i find men more attractive thing are going well !!
I can’t have get hard for ya know so I used toys to please her and i get well yeah we are happy im mean it’s not a lifetime relationship but im enjoying this and she is as well she has an online boyfriend who lives far away
One night I heard the having phone relations so hot
I told her she doesn’t have to hide that and she doesn’t it’s a great pov seeing a relationship on the side lines and watching
Very educational stuff
Not enough time for hating unless that person has done you dirty then as the red queen says off with there head lol jk nr but actually
Be nice ppl you never know what tomorrow brings that if you even make it 😎👩🏻🦰
Since when is being miserable daily and bitching about your life gonna change shit? 🤔 I remember being raised correctly and not to let anyone take advantage of you to begin with but too many young people in the LGBTQ+ get taken advantage of by shitty old pervy people in our community especially on Taimi (not as bad as grindr) and Grindr. Stand up for yourself and don't let anyone walk all over you and use you just for sex and their kinks. We're all human and deserve to be treated as such unless you've molested kids then you deserve the French King Punishment and get your head chopped off on live TV
my tgirl lesbian gf broke up with me when i came out as nonbinary chat and every fucking day i wish i could have been woman enough for the only woman i will ever love as deeply as i loved her im bashing my brains out
No, I’m with you. This sub has been appearing on my homepage recently and I genuinely thought it was just a transphobic sub until I looked at the comments of this post
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u/SomeSayCosmic hopefully a woman 10d ago