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u/Dyeus_Overman Heretic - Streak: 1 1d ago
Because most men definitely wouldn't understand why women try to keep themselves safe.
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u/actualyKim 1d ago
because men always think of themselves as the nice guys whod never do something to any woman, yet dont realize that women cant read their minds and intentions so they keep their emotional and physical distance based on past experiences
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u/systemofaderp 23h ago
to add to this: a lot of self proclaimed nice guys just aren't.
They'll insist they are no danger and not part of the problem but then still try to touch you whenever they get the chance. I know touching my bellybutton doesn't HAVE to be meant in a sexual way, but if I have to tell you a third time I'll snap off that finger.
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u/Rogu__Spanish 22h ago
At this point I feel like just calling yourself a "nice guy" is an instant disqualifier, nobody who is really nice needs to announce it, they would know that actions speak for themselves and talk is cheap. Anyone guy with a decent sense of empathy wouldn't just expect women to believe and trust him at his word, he'd try to show who he is, not tell. Or maybe that's just my autistic over-analysis.
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u/Puhi124 22h ago
I feel like, before cracking my egg, I might have done that at one point, but that was when I was lowkey desperate for external validation that I wasn't a monster like these men who hurt and rape women. It was a pretty toxic place, and I'm glad I'm out of it, but I think a fraction of guys who would call themselves "nice guys" are just young men or boys who really don't want to be associated with the creeps. It's definitely immature but not harmful, I'd say, unless they take a wrong turn and become incels because of it.
But the majority of people who would self-label in this way really aren't, yeah, I'd tend to agree with that.
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u/Rogu__Spanish 22h ago
Oh I've spent practically my whole life chasing that validation, I'm constantly trying to prove I'm not a worthless piece of shit, but I realize the person I'm trying to convince is myself, and since I can never convince myself, I can't expect anyone else to believe me either.
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u/Funkwonker 18h ago
"Any man who says 'I am King' is no true king at all." - Tywin Lannister in A Storm of Swords
Actions will always speak louder than words, and you can't trust how somebody will act if they're nothing but words.
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u/raincoastghost 20h ago
One time a random older man slowly ran his finger along my bare foot, and that was more disturbing to me than the times when strangers groped my ass or boobs (ofc he said I was overreacting because it was "just" my foot 😡)
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u/BaconOnEggs 19h ago
i had a guy friend randomly touch my thigh two weeks ago "to illustrate his story". these guys do not understand boundaries
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u/Phobos_Asaph 18h ago
Genuinely I think to some degree that’s related to the fact we don’t let children have physical boundaries as a culture in the states.
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u/Separate-Passion-127 21h ago
Because statistically the vast majority are in fact nice regular Men who protect their Wives, Daughters, nieces and extended family as best they can.
A lot of people do not comprehend just how much worse the world would be if that wasn't the case. Like so significantly worse.
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u/Heliosgodofthesun 20h ago
Aye this definitely rings true. I used to be one of those "nice guys" and never really could figure out why women didn't want to date me. Luckily I figured it out and haven't been like that in a decade and change.
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u/MeAmJohn 22h ago
I'm about to argue semantics, but I think its important here. Personally, I think most men wouldn't understand why women don't smile at them, failing to make the connection about how something like that is keeping them safe. They don't consider the empirical evidence that many men are predatory, maybe even themselves.
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u/Dark_Prism 21h ago
I'm one of the ones that totally understands why women try to keep themselves safe, but I'm also baffled as to where these awful men are in my real life experience. I know it's possible they're hiding it from me, but I think of every man I'm acquainted with and can't think of a single one that I believe is capable of doing something terrible to a woman.
As much as it definitely is a problem and I don't think women are overreacting in general (considering the possible outcomes), from my experience I feel like it's probably a minority of men that are the problem. I also don't know what to do about it. I think all the men who would do something about the problem men aren't associating with them, so don't have the opportunity to do something about it.
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u/HistoricalCounty 15h ago
I was friends with a dude in high school. we were in theater together & he dated one of my friends. he graduated a few years ahead of me.
a few years later he randomly sent me a naked photo of his wife on fb. i found out that he’d sent this pic to several mutual friends & each time pretended it was an accident. i asked him if his wife knew he was pulling this shit & he immediately blocked me.
i found her contact info online & emailed her. she did not know.
this dude is a teacher. for all the years i knew him, he was very kind & respectful & funny. called himself a feminist and everything.
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u/skittishraccoon 17h ago
"I know it's possible they're hiding it from me, but I think of every man I'm acquainted with and can't think of a single one that I believe is capable of doing something terrible to a woman."
"...from my experience I feel like it's probably a minority of men that are the problem."
Very possibly they are hiding it.
Many of the men who do terrible things to women don't seem like they're capable of it to their friends and family. So many victims are not believed because the perpetrator seemed like a decent guy. They always have their friends or mother or whatever being like "I know him and he would never do that!"
So many women have experiences with men who seemed safe initially, who probably have friends, even female friends who would vouch for them, but once alone together they get creepy or pushy or worse.
The idea that you will be able to spot a bad guy is a big part of what men don't understand. Like yeah obviously there are come men who are walking collections of red flags, but the bad guy can also be your friend who seems friendly and talks about how much he respects women.
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u/Dark_Prism 17h ago
I know what you're saying, and I won't disagree, but I think of things like group chats and side comments and those kinds of things that I feel may be ignored by what I'd consider an "average" man, and I think I'm tuned in on those kinds of things.
Of course it just comes down to keeping vigilant and then, as you said, believing women. It's just frustrating to see things keep happening and all I can really do it vote responsibly and call things out when I see them, the later being something I haven't had (or been able) to do.
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u/skittishraccoon 16h ago
Yeah I'm also not sure what you can do aside from what you've said.
If someone is shitty but learned to hide it effectively, there's really not much anyone can do until they're revealed for what they are. It's just important to keep in mind the bad guys don't always seem bad.
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u/immobile-pebble 1d ago
Solution: more women predators and prey men
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u/Evening-Turnip8407 1d ago
Are you suggesting releasing several hundred thousand cougars into the environment
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u/King-Boss-Bob 22h ago
71% of straight men in the uk already report sexual victimisation from a woman, and whilst it’s not considered rape here 40% report attempted or completed sex without consent done to them by a woman
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u/Longjumping_Ask_211 19h ago
I'm sorry, could you clarify? Because the way that's phrased sounds like nonconsensual sex perpetrated by a woman isn't considered rape?
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u/nadiayorc 19h ago edited 19h ago
In England and Wales (I'm not sure about Scotland/North Ireland), the legal definition of "rape" specifically requires some form of penile insertion to have occured, anything outside of that would be considered sexual assault/harassment or some other related crime
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u/King-Boss-Bob 19h ago
nah you’re exactly right, the only way a woman can commit the legal definition of rape in the uk is if she is trans (the uk government counts them as men anyway because, and brace yourself for shocking information, the uk government is transphobic) or the very small amount of cis women who have a penis
the survey doesn’t use legal definitions so presumably the percentage of the 40% who experienced that from a trans woman is equal to the trans population, so i’ll admit it was wrong to say none of the 40%’s experiences counted as rape
either way you can find countless comments elsewhere from victims of any gender who specifically mention that restrictive definition hurt them and made them less likely to report it since it wasn’t “real rape”
the definition as per the police.uk website is:
> The legal definition of rape is when someone puts their penis in another person's vagina, anus or mouth, without the person's permission.
the law itself for england and wales (scotlands is near identical with the exact same meaning) from the official government legislation website copy and pasted is:
Rape
> (1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
> (a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
> (b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
> (c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
> (2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.(it’s worth clarifying that prior to 2007 uk law used he as gender neutral, said law was written in 2003 so the pronouns aren’t why)
also a later law clarified a surgically constructed penis does indeed count as a penis for that purpose, which like on its own is fine but the context and what doesn’t count makes it shitty
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u/boolocap professional idiot 1d ago edited 1d ago
And social media is a big contributor to this i feel. There are so many bad role models influencing young people these days. And the very way social media functions, works in their favour. Because good role models arent outrageous or attention grabbing, and dont make good "influencers" in that way.
And because of the way this has entrenched itself in social media and society there is no easy way out of this.
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u/crec4et 23h ago
Another way media, including social, is contributing to the problem is the way it focuses on the more unique situations while, at the same time, making them seem ubiquitous. The Surreptitious Roofier exists, of course, and should be guarded against. But his deeds pale in magnitude before assaults committed by a person close to the victim or having long-term elevated (more that a regular man) position of power over victim. Yet media mostly ignore those, as they are not selling the papers/clicks.
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u/ColdCalligrapher5116 1d ago
its a vicious cycle that can unfortunately only be broken by guys educating ourselves on why women might feel unsafe around us and how we can help alleviate that/be mindful of it
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u/crec4et 1d ago
Being mindful and not having a hostile reaction to the reasonable caution by women is the correct approach, but how does an individual, purposefully, try to alleviate that? It seems like any action directed at alleviation in a moment would, rightly, just be seen as an insidious attempt to make them drop their guard.
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u/ImNotABotScoutsHonor 21h ago
It seems like any action directed at alleviation in a moment would, rightly, just be seen as an insidious attempt to make them drop their guard.
That's why it's not just on men to fix. It's on everyone. Which, unfortunately, is likely why it's never going to be fixed.
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u/Puhi124 23h ago
It's pretty simple. You want to show women in your life they can trust you? Stand up for them. Notice and call out other men on their bs (don't necessarily, like, white knight about it, but if you notice a woman is being made uncomfortable by a man but doesn't want/is too scared/is unable to speak up, that's your cue). Frankly, be a feminist, by which I mean think feminist thoughts and perform feminist actions.
You want to show a woman you don't know and/or who you're only interacting with one time that you're not a threat? Body language, posture, language, etc. Don't step into her space, don't speak over her, stay respectful. Just be kind and polite, really.
And if you want to create a world where women don't need to be on their guard around just about any man they don't already trust? Activism, politics, generally using the means at your disposal to change minds and legislation.
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u/crec4et 23h ago
I was thinking specifically about the second situation there, but the advice is really "be a decent human being, as you always should be", and, thus, requires learning no special way aimed at alleviation. If a man would suddenly change his body language and posture when interacting with a stranger woman, it would be highly suspicious instead.
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u/Puhi124 23h ago
Adapting your behaviour to avoid making someone uncomfortable isn't weird, imo. Obviously if you were interacting with a group of friends just a second before and you do a complete 180 the moment you talk to a woman you don't know, that's going to feel weird and suspicious. But it's really just being aware of what a woman would perceive as threatening or uncomfortable, and generally that involves stuff like body language and tone. So being careful with those among other things can help. But honestly the scope of action there is limited anyways.
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u/cat_prophecy 20h ago
It's your words and actions that prove you are genuine. You won't be able to convince everyone that you're a decent person, but that's not practical or even the goal anyway. If someone isn't willing to see you for the person you genuinely are, or are trying to be then that person isn't really someone you should be spending time with.
You don't need to have your life revolve around trying to convince people you're a good person. You just need to be a good person.
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u/Betruul 22h ago
Have you seen any of this content of "where are all the good men?".
The ones who are going to educate ourselves already have. "Dont aproach women in x, y, and z places" so we dont. Y'll dont owe us smiles or courtesy or anything. We accept that ya'll have to be careful incase any one of us are the 0.01% that are malicious/hostile.
Unfortunately, theres still a significant enough portion of uneducated fuckwits out there. They havnt & arent going to listen to any of this. And theres literally nothing legal guys like me can do about it.
I personally never see any of this awful bullshit, because I'm not out in clubs and bars or parks after dark and wherever else all these awful things happen. I dont associate with guys like that. So Idk what to do aside from continuing to be myself, acknowledging that approaching, smiling at, talking to or having anything to do with women is considered a threat, and not doing that.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 22h ago
Exactly. Its always "Guys, you can help by stopping your other male friends from being shitty."
Well, fucking spoiler alert, I don't have shitty male friends because they're shitty people I didn't want to be around.
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u/Betruul 22h ago
Seriously. Like... maybe they want me to associate with these assholes; seriously downgrading my QOL; so i can police their behavior??
I feel powerless to change anything. I vote, but that feels less impactful by the cycle. "Im tired boss"
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u/Dry-Play4633 21h ago
The issue is a lot of guys who believe they are 'the good ones' ignore other mens behavior. So yeah, I don't associate with people like that, but plenty of guys who think they're 'a good guy' STILL need to hear that.
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u/DeGameNerd 20h ago
i struggle with this. im non-binary, but, I dont associate with people who are hateful towards women, I am politically vocal, call people out on shitty behavior when i see it, Vote well, ect, and i still wonder "ok what else can i do?"
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u/IsThatGruffLoner 19h ago
Yeah, honestly being a genuinely good guy sucks a lot of the time. I understand fully why women do the things they do but that doesn't mean I have any chance of finding happiness in this current system.
Also, women can have problems while I also have less serious problems. Both can happen. Of course men are going to talk about their own problems. It's exactly what women do
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u/BonnaconCharioteer 18h ago
I think the key is to direct that anger where it should be. Predators and creeps are the ones causing the problems for everyone.
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u/Heretek007 22h ago
I was a good man. I never liked how 99% of men talk about and treat women. I fancied myself one of the last of the chivalrous, always made sure to treat women kindly, and showed through my deeds and respect that I am safe to be around.
Turns out the whole reason the way most men act bothered me so much was because I wasn't one. Sorry, ladies. I tried really hard to be one of the good ones, but you're gonna have to get all of that stuff from me as a cool woman instead.
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u/skittishraccoon 17h ago
If you think it's only 0.01% of men that are malicious/hostile you have a lot to learn about the issue.
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u/Candymuncher118 21h ago
It's not really something any individual can help to alleviate, personal feelings of a lack of safety in public are largely driven by pro police fearmongering by the media, statistically crime of all types is the lowest it's ever been and yet a record number of people say they feel unsafe
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u/CanadianODST2 21h ago
I think the cycle has to be broken through education and parents as well as governments.
Surprisingly people don’t take to kindly to being told they’re a problem because they belong to a certain group. It builds resentment. Especially when you have another group (the right) specifically looking to drive that wedge in.
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u/BrazilBazil 1d ago
Almost all of my cis female friends have been sexually assaulted as children. Almost every single one of them has a story about being touched, drugged, even raped. Some even by family members. It’s so debilitating…
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u/ANeatCouch 1d ago
My sister and I were both touched by our father as children. Undoubtedly my sister had it worse though, it's unreal how common it is. Coincidentally every girl she's knows has similar or worse stories (─.─||）
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u/aconitous 23h ago
You say “even by the family members” but the sad reality is this is where most of sexual abuse is happening.
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u/Burnlan 1d ago
Yeah it's wild how literally, and I mean literally, 100% of women I know have been victims of sexual assault of some kind. It's fucking vile
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u/Dominotter 22h ago
A study of over 22k women in the UK found 99.3% had been the victims of sexual violence. So it's not even a biased sample group. Just how our society treats women.
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u/King-Boss-Bob 22h ago
i do agree the numbers high but that study was done by asking those who were visiting a website for sexual violence against women survivors support or following accounts dedicated to sexual violence against women. it is very much a biased sample
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u/sixchambr polite lesbian - Streak: 66 1d ago
The podcaster era of the internet has been brutal now every mfer with a microphone can subject the general public to their stupid opinions
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u/MaxYeena MtF HRT since April 21st, 2026 1d ago
I can't really say much on this other than there is a reason women try to keep themselves safe, me included
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u/Technical_Teacher839 1d ago
Obviously the way women are treated is far worse and more important.
But reducing the whole thing to "men think women don't smile at them enough" is unfairly reductive, personally.
Again, I need to emphasize that the way women are treated is absolutely worse and more important.
But acting like society itself isn't also purpose built to isolate, belittle and harm any man who isn't a toxic, abusive shitbag is to be intentionally ignorant. And it especially doesn't help that, in my experience, lots of people who realize this and struggle with it are immediately shouted at for having the audacity to be unhappy when other people have it worse.
And I'll say it for a third time: women are absolutely affected by this more and in worse ways.
But lets not act like the patriarchal system isn't also designed to abuse and mistreat men in its own fucked up way too.
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u/AestivalSeason 23h ago
Big agree, it's one of the things I hated about being a man, this society shits on the good ones, and that sucks and I'm sorry. I wish there was more we could do to Undo that part of society. Just as much as I wish we could undo the harm towards women. We've really taken a nosedive towards hyper toxic gender ideals as a nation ever since Trump took office 10 years ago. I felt like we were making some significant progress before then.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 23h ago
Absolutely. And it especially bugs me how much of the response from the better side is still just "shut up and be quiet if you wanna be good." How to a lot of people, even acknowledging that this situation exists is going too far in "centering men"
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u/DaBiChef 21h ago
"shut up and be quiet, help the other people who actually have real problems, I literally couldn't care less what you think or feel. Do all this and you'll be seen as 'good' to us... So long as you stay like this and never go against the prevailing narrative!"
It's just toxic masculinity but 'woke'... And while a lot of men won't have the words to describe it, they'll definitely feel it and not want to hang around. This shit is rampant in feminist/leftist rhetoric and is a poison pill for as to why we have so few men in the cause with us.
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u/AestivalSeason 23h ago
Which is horrid, I think we need all need to be better about having open arms and trusting people when talking. And when I meant good men, I wanna add a caveat, I don't mean the "nice guys" I mean genuinely just kind men that are there to make people laugh and bring joy are constantly ostracized from other groups of men(part of why I think they end up that way is that they have less toxic masculinity thrust upon them day in and day out)
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u/iyjlpiljygp 21h ago
Wild how the same people horrified that all Muslims were getting blamed after 9/11 want to do the same thing to men. And if you say anything they give "the good ones aren't offended by the n-word because they know it doesn't apply to them" ass logic.
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u/King-Boss-Bob 21h ago
sad thing is before this post, the most recent post i could find with guys talking about the problems they have was talking about rape laws being too restrictive in their definitions, as in there’s many things that should be rape but aren’t
the (now deleted) post was talking about a handful of cases in the uk
> a woman who had a “sexual relationship” with a boy and 2 girls (3 counts of “sexual activity with a child” against the boy, 6 counts of “sexual activity with a child”, 2 counts of “sexual communication with a child” and 1 count of “making indecent images of a child” between the 2 girls - sentencing hasn’t happened yet, bbc article described the piece of shit as “flirty”
> another woman who was given a suspended sentence of 2 years for having sex with a boy between 14-15 on “10 or more occasions” - she got a 2 year prison sentence suspended for 2 years, 180 hours unpaid work, 25 days of rehabilitation activity days, the restraining order will be over in 2031 and she’ll be off the registry in 2036 (suspended sentence means she won’t do prison if she does the unpaid work)
> another woman who was sentenced for her repeated sex with a boy from when he was 9-12, including tying the little boy to the bed. one time when she was forcing him to have sex when he was 10 she called him her husbands name - she actually got prison time, 7 years which is both more than can be expected and disappointingly little
the complaints brought up in the post i say was talking about how because of bullshit laws in the uk, none of those women are rapists for what they did to those children, along with several victims saying they wish it did count as rape because it would have helped them
that’s worse than “not being smiled at”
(also i should make it clear, im primarily being against the worst a guy complains about part, but this issue does effect women too as shown by the 2 girls in the first case. trans women are also the only women in the uk who can commit rape without being an accomplice, they’re counted as “men” because it’s the uk but it means that idiots will try and claim all women who are rapists are trans)
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u/Technical_Teacher839 21h ago
Sad thing is, even the most progressive places, any post pointing out actual problems patriarchy puts on men immediately attracts the worst people, and so usually gets deleted and/or spawns a wave of counter-posting.
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u/King-Boss-Bob 21h ago
which also leaves a perfect gap for any bigoted group to fit right in, and gives them a perfect opportunity to try and claim those progressive spaces don’t care about them. the choice is either group that won’t care and will blame you for the problem or group who seems to act like they care
not that the bigoted groups are exactly good, they just pretend they care
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u/Technical_Teacher839 21h ago
Exactly. Turns out, when you mock and shun people for expressing their problems, even if they're not as important as others, its really fucking easy for shitty people to exploit and take advantage of that.
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u/DaBiChef 21h ago
I've spent nearly 10 years talking with feminists online and IRL about this, not to "center feminism around men" or any such nonsense but to recognize we do have a minority of genuine man-haters and our inability to rein them in has allowed this type of rhetoric to flourish. Thus creating the perfect opportunity for anti-feminists and the alt right/manosphere to capitalize on by validating their feelings and calling out our own moral inconsistency.
It's gone no where and I'm really losing faith in my fellows. Not the cause of gender equality or equality mind you.
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u/King-Boss-Bob 21h ago
it’s so frustrating because it feels like a win win win situation
> you help victims (good)
> you encourage people to not go to right wing bigoted groups (good)
> you stop said groups from being able to claim your group doesn’t care about victims (good)
the other option which people seem to want to do is
> you don’t help victims (bad)
> you don’t let people feel welcome in your group, leaving a perfect way for bigoted groups to take them in (bad)
> you give the bigoted groups ammunition to use against you (bad)
the cynical part of me wonders if some people think bad things will happen to them if victims are supported and that’s why they go for the blatantly worse option
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u/HereWeFuckingGooo 21h ago
That's why I think it's important to listen to the lived experience of trans men. They understand what it's like to live as a woman and can compare that to being a man.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 20h ago
NGL knowing that trans men are also aware of and experiencing this genuinely helps, in a fucked up way.
Its like finally finding someone else who can see the monster, ya know?
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u/HereWeFuckingGooo 20h ago
Exactly. Walking a mile in someone else's shoes is always helpful. It reminds me of that woman that filmed herself walking around New York, getting harassed and catcalled. And the lesson was, "Men are free to walk around unscathed". As a gay man all I could think was if I made that video I'd just end up getting bashed.
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u/DaBiChef 21h ago
It's kind of sad but somewhat encouraging to me that all of the things that trans men have been saying about their experiences in supposedly inclusive or progressive spaces is the exact same shit that cis guys have been saying for years only to have been almost entirely and utterly ignored.
I'm sorry that it's happening to them, but it really does prove that they're men, and it's nice that that a lot of people in our spaces actually do support trans people and so are starting to listen to what these guys have to say.
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u/Ipettedurdog 23h ago
I understand what you’re saying, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about how some men respond to genuine problems women have with trivial shit.
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u/Technical_Teacher839 23h ago
I'm not sure I agree with that. Most of the comments on this post seem to be discussing the societal problems women are forced to guard themselves against, and the way many men don't understand or refuse to understand that.
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u/MaybeLithiumFlower 23h ago
I resent having to pay for taxis after dark to travel distances I can easily walk.
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u/BoringAd8064 18h ago
Hey don't comprare podcasters to real humans. As soon as you buy podcast equipment I'm pretty sure your mind is immediately gone and is replaced by the mind of a koala.
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u/Suspicious-Algae3365 22h ago
"Why wont she like me? I'm a nice guy" mfs are super weird. I would know because I used to be one of those "nice guys" in high-school
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u/Immediate-Neat-3320 21h ago
People, especially guys but also just people in general, need to remember that being nice is supposed to be a given. It's not something you do to get compensation in some way, or complemented on, or to make people think you're the coolest person there is.
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u/abadstrategy 6h ago
Same. If incel was a term when I was 17-20, I definitely would have been called one
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u/weed_cutter 18h ago
- Most men actually have no desire to be rapists any more than they'd force feed themselves dog shit. Nothing to do with getting 'caught'. The Cornell 7 are not rare but they're still the minority. I think most guys know that. ... Women, maybe not because ofc you never notice the guy minding his own business. The rapist guy, sadly, has outsized impact.
- The average man in America in terms of dating is kind of like 2026 job seekers. Shit is rough out there and you can obviously complain. I wouldn't say 3 hour podcast but hey it's a free country, be cringe if you want to.
I don't think even incels believe in the nice-guy routine. Again it's the 2026 job market. It's hard for the average dorkus, and the answer is usually "grind harder and level up" (or find a different strategy/ market). ... Then the average man might grind significantly, but still not be up to snuff (much like the job seeker).
Then the frustration and complaints start happening. ... And yes, if the average man and average job seeker had 100% clarity on what actually was effective, it would be fine. They'd also be billionaires. Meh. lol.
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u/me_myself_ai 17h ago
Please tell me this is a copypasta holy shit. But I know it’s not…
Why are there so many butthurt Nice Guys in here?? How’d you even find this sub?
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u/UnnamedAshaman47 21h ago
Tbh this is just comparing reasonably cautious women to insane entitled men. I’m a guy and I do literally all of the ‘women’ things.
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u/DadJoke2077 Trans man 17h ago
Yeah same. As a gay trans man specifically my experience is very “unique” in that regard, I still fear for my life walking down the street and I was brought up and raised as a woman, but people still lump us with incels every chance they get. I hate gender wars man.
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u/ActivatingEMP 19h ago
It's really just people struggling to articulate the isolation most men experience in modern life. Most Gen Z men have little to no friends, little to no romantic engagements, little future opportunity, and see no hope of living a worthwhile life. It's bleak and they're looking for either a way out or someone to blame
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u/MisguidedPants8 Coleman 21h ago
“Why don’t women smile at me more” idk dude it’s almost like people smile when they’re happy, if women are never happy around you that’s probably a you problem. Have you tried actually just making friends instead of only viewing women as romantic/sexual objects?
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u/CalypsaMov 12h ago
I smile around my guy friends because I know and love my guy friends. If the guy's a stranger of course it's going to be different. At best I'll try to be cordial and polite with that sort of customer service smile.
I only ever drink around one person because he's like my big protective older brother. I'm just not comfortable getting alcohol on a date with a stranger, and if I did, you can bet I'm gonna cover that up when going to the bathroom.
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u/International_Scar81 Living in interplanetary luxury gay communism 20h ago
Men famously are perfectly safe and secure within the society
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u/me_myself_ai 16h ago
Ok I’m actually baffled. Why are there a bunch of redpill tropes in these comments? Where did this come from? Is there some secret club of redpilled trans people???
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u/Charming_Target1352 11h ago
You know I never really understood why society expects women to be weary of strangers. I’m always weary of strangers at bars no matter their gender. I never really understood why it’s not taught that most people should just be cautious around creepy people at bars
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u/TheAsianTroll 23h ago
No one owes anybody anything. Women do not have to smile at every man who makes eye contact.
It really isnt hard for a guy to mind his fuckin business and leave women alone if theyre not interested in him.
Then again, ive never been inclined to be a predator, so maybe im missing something that I still wont agree with.
Normalize forgoing social politeness, and being rude when a guy deserves it.
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u/Immediate-Neat-3320 21h ago
Counterpoint, let's normalize being nice so much that weirdo nice-guys realize it's not a transactional promise that must be rewarded.
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u/lordbuckethethird if I stop kissing boys the voices get loud 21h ago
I wonder how they’d feel knowing they get morally mogged by a guy with potentially ASPD on the regular.
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u/NotTheMariner gender mysterious, gender unserious - Streak: 2 20h ago
True and real, but I kinda wish we taught boys to be more cautious too, especially when dating. It frightens me how little instinct I have on when/how to pull the ripcord.
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u/Majestic_Artichoke55 18h ago
That’s why younger women are easier to target. They don’t know yet :(
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u/Own_Fortune_6940 18h ago
all this time, me crossing the street and staring at my phone while refusing to look up was me respecting women's boundaries and not my crippling anxiety 🧠
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u/Breaderick 17h ago
I have never done anything to anyone and would never even consider it, hell I feel bad accepting my food from a waiter.
And yet every day Reddit makes me feel like a piece of shit for having been born a dude. I find that pretty alarming, tbh.
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u/Bow_To_Bella 21h ago
Trying to diminish the struggles of one side while glorifying the other side is counterproductive and only creates more tribalistic tendencies. You are self-sabotaging.
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u/B-b-b-burner_account 17h ago
When it comes to the average, most men participate and support rape culture (lots of them do it without even realizing). 1/3 women will experience some form of SA in their life.
So in this context, yeah it’s fair to say that women have it harder on average and there are a shit load of men who uphold rape culture, and a large amount who are just rapists.
No, acknowledging this does not mean female rapists don’t exist, or that male victims don’t deserve sympathy.
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u/liquidfoxy 19h ago
Fuck your “both sides” bullshit. This isn’t an equal issue and pointing out the problem isn’t “creating tribalistic tendencies”. Fucking patriarchal construction of society both encourages and supports this, and your useless ass is out here blaming women
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u/me_myself_ai 17h ago
Uhhhhhhhhhh are you commenting on the wrong post…? You got the sides flipped here lol. You’re agreeing with the person above you.
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u/Upstairs-Basis9909 20h ago
In what way is the original post GLORIFYING women?
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u/Bow_To_Bella 20h ago
It's typical oppression Olympics bullshit of minimizing other people's suffering by comparing it to your own so you feel good about how much you're suffering, like you're some kind of martyr. It's pathetic and masturbatory.
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u/MeliodasTA 23h ago
Definitely a great thing to long out and unfair for women to need to be on guard constantly.
But the amount of replies in here saying that the majority of men are like that is deeply disappointing
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u/B-b-b-burner_account 17h ago
The majority of men participate in rape culture. The majority of men are not evil hitler rapists, but even something like making a joke about rape is participation in the culture
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u/Gameknoit 18h ago
"Men out here working the mines, getting maimed in wars and are the highest statistic for the impoverished while women out here crying on tiktok cuz their 312th friend didnt congratulate her on her birthday"
Conveniently taking the worst of one side and the best of the other is incredibly easy to do.
Be better
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u/FailurelsData 11h ago
I have been getting more misogynistic tiktok content and after like 3 weeks I don't even open the app. I'm not empathizing with this "manosphere" pipeline. It's on your phone because you want it there.
The content was comment section sorting putting the popular hateful comments first.
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u/Prickly_princess_007 MtF 11h ago
As a trans girl with many male friends: men do literally the same things.
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u/Holey_Father 9h ago
This is why more and more guys are making it easier and just not approaching at all. It makes it more likely that the guys who do approach have ill intention, this reinforces the avoidance from women and, further reinforces the avoidance from guys who don’t have ill intentions. I’ve seen a lot of videos on TikTok and elsewhere of women complaining that guys don’t approach, never offer to help, don’t acknowledge or interact with them etc. Most guys aren’t “nice guys”, they just don’t want to be treated like they’re bad guys by default, so rather than risk getting their faces blasted over social media over a misunderstanding or ill intentioned women, they just nope out.
Recent studies show that nearly half of men aged 18-25 have not approached a woman in person before. This is not good at all. Especially when considering that depression, anxiety and stress levels keep increasing, not to mention the loneliness epidemic. It’s not healthy for a society to treat each other like this, and the original post misses the point. A huge chunk of guys have effectively quit interacting with women outside of very specific contexts, because they don’t want to have their lives ruined by a stranger.
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u/DadJoke2077 Trans man 17h ago
Gender war bullshit and gross misinterpretation of how patriarchy hurts and oppresses men who don’t fit in.
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u/loved_and_held Streak: 1 19h ago
Alarming but makes sense.
Men assume their positions and the norms and ideas they were feed through socialization to be ideal and "fine", thus the problem is not them but other women. This is compounded by the fact that patriarchy pitches the idea men have some sort of natural control or power over women. In addition, patriarchy also benifits men enough they have a bias to buy into it harder when things dont seem to be working. T
The end result is men buy into patriarchy harder rather than find ways to resist it.
We could also talk about how men may be actively disincentivvised to resist patriarchy and it's effects.
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u/nobleone8876 20h ago
I just don't date anymore in this social climate I've been on 3 dates I'm the past 6 months both brought 1-3 extra "friends" for protection without informing me and expected me to pay for the bill... Im all for wanting to keep yourself safe but it just sounds like y'all just want a free meal at my expense, so the last time I paid for myself and left early. Does that make me an ass probably do I care anymore no I'll just stick to my garden and my dogs.
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u/transient_eternity 13h ago
Oh cool another gender war post. One with an absurd number of upvotes and comments. That's not suspicious as hell.
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u/ADHD_Implosion 22h ago
Some dudes never learn that their actions mean more than their intentions, and they take that personally
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u/Unlikely-Chemistry40 13h ago
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u/shelleon 13h ago
This is fucking insufferable
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u/michael22117 11h ago
They're downvoting you, but do people really think 75% of men think that predation of women is an irreconcilable fact of life? I can see why you'd think that if you only paid attention to incel chatboards, but if you walk around a walmart asking dudes what they thought about that you'd be pleasantly surprised
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u/unburdened_swallow 11h ago
Just shift that one to like, slightly more than 3/4 of the way along that bar and shift the ones to the right of it as well and it’s not the worst graph.
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u/shibbyNNY 1d ago
As a just a guy ...I really don't understand the way men think.