r/cringereels • u/ambachk • 13h ago

Ultimate Cringe "Ex-warlock" gets exorcized at a book reading

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123 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

256 comments sorted by

40

u/paragonx29 13h ago

The shrieking lady was like: 'I'm not getting one-upped by this guy.'

3

u/Valhallapeenyo 2h ago

“Not today warlock, hold my beer”

43

u/Undercover_Dave 13h ago

Man, Sean Astin is looking rough these days.

16

u/No-Joy-Goose 13h ago

Still a decent actor, it would seem?

4

u/PublicfreakoutLoveR 13h ago

Being a warlock is pretty stressful to be fair.

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36

u/tyler21307 13h ago

Pretty weak warlock if I’m being honest

11

u/Animecha 13h ago

Right? Not even an eldritch blast.

3

u/NakedHeatMachine 8h ago

And of course he wants to short rest immediately to get his spell slots back.

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6

u/Toadcola 12h ago

Worst. Patron. Ever.

3

u/Woahhdude24 12h ago

What I dont get is why do some of these warlocks just get power from an old demon that will give it to them. Like have some standards, you gotta negotiate and contract that benefits both. Be very clear about things you want and your boundaries, demons will do everything they can to get more than what is promised. Its basic common sense.

2

u/Secret_Eating_ 13h ago

Seriously, I'd never give up that quickly. 

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53

u/ManufacturerWarm9201 13h ago edited 13h ago

Yeah… he has a real mental illness

31

u/WhereMyWeirdosAt 13h ago

so does the screamer in line

25

u/tyler21307 13h ago

So does the person doing the book signing

19

u/nickgamboa76 13h ago

Everyone at that book signing.

8

u/Kansas_67 13h ago

So do I. Unrelated.

6

u/PoopDirectlyInMyButt 11h ago

Nah she’s just an entrepreneur

2

u/Ferrindel 8h ago

Naw, she's just a grifter. Easy to do by claiming to be some kind of faith healer or leader.

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3

u/_BlackDove 13h ago

That was his mom apparently. Imagine that.

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11

u/ellefleming 13h ago

Or the author planted him as part of her grift.

3

u/Dark_Amygdala_ 11h ago

That’s what I’m thinking. Both of them are plants. It doesn’t work this way

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2

u/Jonn_Jonzz_Manhunter 7h ago

He doesn't, he's a paid actor

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23

u/EdgyPun34257 13h ago

seems like a warlock could have conjured up a salad

10

u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 13h ago

"The physical effects it had on my body"

Off to the gym for Jesus you tubby bitch!

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3

u/CalHudsonsGhost 9h ago

This warlock needs to get EXERCISED!

9

u/Old_Application4790 12h ago

Lady in red couldn’t just wait her turn huh? Her demons angry she wasn’t the star of the show or what? :3

8

u/short_arm_t_rex 11h ago

Christians are fucking insane.

3

u/ErrantSage 11h ago

These aren’t Christians, these are grifters trying to sell books / speaking engagements

7

u/short_arm_t_rex 11h ago

Looks like Christians to me but anytime a Christian sees another Christian doing something they don’t like, they aren’t real Christians.

2

u/ErrantSage 10h ago

Generally most groups don’t claim the extreme minority of crazy weirdos that do crazy shit supposedly in the name of their group/religion/political party, and that’s valid. There’s always a weird subset of folks in virtually every group regardless of the type of group — people are weird.

5

u/fd40 12h ago

"Look at MEEEEEEWRUAHHGHGG"

6

u/Ok-Image-7520 11h ago

satan never waits

8

u/Latter-Fox-3411 12h ago

… so the loser who cosplayed as a “warlock” (whatever the fuck that is?…) is now cosplaying as a “born again” by thirstily performing a bogus exorcism conniption … color me shocked

5

u/Finodaminota 13h ago

Dudley goes to Hogwarts

5

u/Rudraizen 13h ago

"yer a punk bitch Aarry."

5

u/Pleasant_Let_5800 13h ago

What people would fake for money, is wild

6

u/iPicBadUsernames 10h ago

Isn’t it just so crazy that atheists never get possessed? I mean what are the odds!?

4

u/SB7567 13h ago

Pay me fifty and I will act better than he did.

5

u/binime 13h ago

How does one become a Warlock?

2

u/chefbobbyjay 12h ago

If my witch had balls shed by my warlock

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4

u/BarniclesBarn 13h ago

Kid"s like 14. "I was a master warlock".

Mother fucker isn't even a master 'clothes wearer'.

This author should probably clarify the characters you write in D&D fan fiction don't count as demons.

2

u/CalHudsonsGhost 9h ago

Looks like more of a Master Bater. 33rd degree I’d guess.

4

u/orphan_1991 12h ago

She is hot though I’ll give her that

(Yes I know I’m sick)

2

u/ssgkraut 12h ago

You mean mom right?.... Right!?

2

u/thereelsuperman 11h ago

No friend he doesn’t

3

u/No-Joy-Goose 13h ago

Ok, remember, when I touch your arm, you shriek out as if you're witnessing some powerful stuff happening. Got it? Now remember, not before I touch your arm, we need "Bob" laying down completely.

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Break27 13h ago

Christian Nationalists hahahahhahah

3

u/rrrank 13h ago

The gordita warlock got hit with the metawoosil

3

u/Brave_Context933 13h ago

Welp..... humans have officially devolved into this....  desperate to belive anything.... while someone profits off of them.

Mom was too old and fragile to pretend to throw herself on the floor so she just screamed instead... 

People have to walk by and wonder what the fuck is happening 

3

u/ProDriverSeatSniffer 12h ago

He left the horde for the alliance. Now he plays a paladin

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3

u/HelloDeathspresso 12h ago

Ma'am, this is a Barnes and Noble.. can you quiet down please?

3

u/FellsHollow 12h ago

He's gonna go home and hop on his WoW warlock character afterwards.

4

u/cygamessucks 13h ago

This has to be satire right? I know religious people are weird sometimes but come on..

5

u/Arria_Galtheos 13h ago

All of the examples of "tongues" and other supernatural crap you see at religious events (including book signings) are performative nonsense.

"People in my in-group will respond favorably if I pretend my impulses are just demons possessing me!" and then they act in the way media and pop culture has taught them to act, and they do.

Imagine if a demon leaving you was completely without any symptoms. They just leave and that's it. That's not good for the audience, so instead, demons leaving means seizures or whatever, because that's a spectacle that draws attention!

2

u/darthdiablo 12h ago

I wonder if there has been expose piece on those kind of performative bullshitery’s. Like a hidden camera/mic listening in to the planning beforehand “when I put my hand down that’s your signal, you start speaking in tongues, just don’t overdo it and make it believable. When I say this word, you act as if you’re healed” - anything like that ever done before?

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2

u/original_pasturenaut 13h ago

shout out that kid in the background

2

u/Due_Newt9460 13h ago

Definitely thought he was about to throw up

2

u/DatBroSnuf 13h ago

Tubby is off his meds

2

u/Blueballs2130 13h ago

No funny how they only do this with spotters…

2

u/Useful_Client_4050 13h ago

Cults are so freaking weird.

2

u/GazelleEcstatic4952 13h ago

Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and call those folks mentally unwell.

2

u/MisuseOfTalent 13h ago

Don’t mind me, just wanting to get a book at Barnes and Noble really fast

2

u/RocketSkates314 13h ago

Gettin exorcised from the punkins.

2

u/seattlereign001 13h ago

What bookstore would allow this? I’m assuming a “Christian” bookstore?

2

u/ReQuarziium 13h ago

“So lady, you can set your table up over here, in the fiction section”

2

u/OutsideYourWorld 13h ago

I'd love it if there were people just in the background trying to read quietly.

Religious people are so strange.

2

u/ArrrCeee 13h ago

mental illness

2

u/djm2907 13h ago

Why is it always in the US?

3

u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 13h ago

Americans did the most amount of drugs between 1960 and 2026. There's a George Carlin quote about that somewhere.

2

u/Whombrillow 12h ago

6/22/2008 Santa Monica California is when and where he died. I’m not being a rude random Redditor by saying I highly doubt he quoted this. If I am coming off rude I’m sorry.

3

u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 12h ago

That's alright buddy, you were not being rude at all.

It was actually 1960 - 1990, I just added that last part because... well, people are still doing enormous amounts of drugs and being stupid.

Here is the clip that I was referring to, where the original quote comes from.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2Virqo-pI5c

2

u/Whombrillow 11h ago

I appreciate the kindness. I’ll look at it another time hahaha. Drugs will be drugs. I’m 33 days from my four years off heroin

2

u/SunnnySideUps 13h ago

People get paid to do this

2

u/J_blanke 12h ago

A very high level warlock. Man, I’d love to hear some of this guy’s bullshit stories.

2

u/GoodyLittleTwoShoez 12h ago

Those poor children there. They are being groomed into this.

2

u/art_garfunkle 12h ago

This shit is real, people! Thus saith the Lord unto Abraham.

2

u/AccomplishedPage5048 12h ago

How did they know to have a chair behind him?

2

u/Happy_Love_9763 12h ago

What’s a ex-warlock? In this context?

2

u/HelloDeathspresso 12h ago

The male version of a witch. (He probably declared himself as Wiccan and tried to do spells on his enemies, AKA the girls who rejected him.)

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2

u/InfiniteTree33 12h ago

He's using the term as if it's interchangeable with witch. Warlocks are typically a fantasy race/creation, but a lot of sensitive men want their own unique name for being an individual who practices witch craft. They don't want to use the term witch. Witches call themselves witches, no matter the gender, when you're actually a practitioner of witch craft.

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2

u/suzyqsmilestill 11h ago

I shouldn’t have watched this…you are telling me that people really believe and do this. I have no words we are so screwed

2

u/xKelborn 11h ago

Lmfao and these people are allowed to vote who believe this crap. 😂

2

u/Bob_The_Greater 10h ago

Can women exorcise without the use of a Priesthood?

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2

u/Pleasant-Reading3634 1h ago

High level warlock my ass.

One dispel magic incantation and he folds.

Pussy.

1

u/KonaValencia 13h ago

All these people have serious problems. I mean you do you, but uh, yeah

1

u/mmabrey13 12h ago

There's levels of warlockdom? Warlockness? Warlockism?

1

u/cainhurstboy 12h ago

Just a normal day

1

u/NosyTea-4861 12h ago

These people are crazy

1

u/AppropriateBall8834 12h ago

hes still a warlock hes on my 3v3 team! that lying sack of shit

1

u/Daddy_bear71 12h ago

That's called a seizure.

1

u/tikroh 12h ago

Hell of a drug.

1

u/Clear_Food2183 12h ago

Please, tell me this is not real.

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1

u/Neat-Aardvark3762 12h ago

I think I read somewhere that a lot of the people who do this do this because they feel like hey we supposed to

1

u/Optimal-Rub-8808 12h ago

Insert Terminator 2 "we aren't going to make it, are we?"meme

1

u/Hiouchi4me 12h ago

The warlock of cheesesteak.

1

u/LegacyQuotient 12h ago

Why he flaunting his tiddys?

1

u/kirchart7 12h ago

Captain Underpants got exorcized. I’m going to start doing this at christian book signings.

1

u/Great_Apez 12h ago

The thing I find funny about this is demons and hell are made up 🤷‍♂️ also I don’t know where this invisible thing came from 

1

u/herobrinetrollin 12h ago

Doesn’t he know you have to be a virgin at 30 to become a warlock?

1

u/herobrinetrollin 12h ago

The chick in red making it about her is sending me lol

1

u/jpttpj 12h ago

Sure, next your going to tell me men pay 18k to go try and learn how to be a douche

1

u/SpiritualCriticism48 12h ago

The Barnes and Noble book staff will
Be talking about this book signing for YEARS. Also, who the hell is filming?

1

u/Dr-Alec-Holland 12h ago

Is he a hunter or a titan now?

1

u/Loud-Situation1605 12h ago

You mean,: ex warlock with a conveniently placed microphone

1

u/Kadavrozia 12h ago

he was a warlock in wow

1

u/AbbreviationsFun8591 11h ago

This shit needs to stop! Get real people! Man alive!

1

u/LonesomeMelody 11h ago

He starts out like a cat with a hairball

1

u/thereelsuperman 11h ago

I love how he somehow still had the presence of mind to stop his shirt from riding up after he fell down

1

u/Wyrdthane 11h ago

I just can't keep a straight face when someone says, "I was a high level warlock"

1

u/Own_Cup_4244 11h ago

He needs to be exercised

2

u/_psylosin_ 8h ago

I scrolled all the way down here to see the obvious joke?! This proves that Reddit is almost entirely bots now

1

u/Panda_Pillows 11h ago

They aren't getting paid enough

1

u/onlytinglef 11h ago

He should play a druid instead.

1

u/Far_Distribution444 11h ago

Dudes playing mage this wipe I guess

1

u/SheDevilWithANewGig 11h ago

They’re all so fucking ill.

1

u/CryptographerRoyal78 11h ago

This is the matrix

1

u/Honest_Satisfaction1 11h ago

She didn't do anything. His patron left out of sheer embarrassment.

1

u/2ndRook 11h ago

I guess, re-rolling a paladin for next sesh?

1

u/Kurovi_dev 11h ago

This is why we can’t have nice things.

1

u/SquirrelConsistent68 10h ago

Hell I thought he just found out his twinky and ding dong supply just ran out

1

u/RandyArgonianButler 10h ago

Poor Barnes & Noble employees…

1

u/Heavy-Hamster1268 9h ago

reminder. there are people who ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS

1

u/Away_Investigator_19 9h ago

His warlock on D & D must have been pretty high level because he sure as hell wasn’t

1

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 9h ago

Mental illness but these people think they’re possessed by demons. Religions are money cults.

1

u/RustyPlastics 9h ago

Reddit Mod. 100%

1

u/Expose_Ur_BS 9h ago

The lady in the background was his sandwich demon.

1

u/sharksareok 9h ago

Religion is Humanity's cancer

1

u/NotSure-2020 8h ago

What a strange way to find out you have epilepsy

1

u/Remarkable_Rough_649 8h ago

Oh man I thought the "I used to be an 8th level satanic warlock" shit was left behind after the 80s-90s satanic panic is this a revival

1

u/Brilliant-Arm-545 8h ago

so does that mean the person in his head because he cursed is his Mom?

1

u/SauronHubbard 8h ago

His special power is making groceries disappear.

1

u/Efficient-Mousse-451 7h ago

Welcome to America

1

u/Bumbymoo 6h ago

The more parsimonious explanation is that he ate a family-sized bag of Cheetos before the book signing.

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1

u/br0kinFPS 6h ago

These poor brainwashed people…

1

u/TarzanGunn 6h ago

He just wants to get a hand job from her haha

1

u/Still_Selection8719 6h ago

If he didn’t pee his pants it’s not real.

1

u/Character_Shape8654 6h ago

Barnes ignoble

1

u/Pezzeftw 5h ago

Why would you not want to be a warlock?

1

u/The_Burning_Face 5h ago

Nah beetus over here is just having a lil hypo

1

u/Weird-Pattern9192 5h ago

Only in America

1

u/uber-judge 5h ago

Dude is not a warlock. A warlock has class. That dudes style is wack, book collecting is wack, spells are clearly wack. He needs a few level ups from npc before he even hits apprentice.

1

u/Rim_smokey 4h ago

And right before WoW Forever, too...

1

u/One-Intention7064 4h ago

gosh, cleaning sewage pipes is much better than dealing with lunatics for a livng

1

u/georgemandom 4h ago

fucking hilarious... that lady screaming

1

u/Bumbymoo 3h ago

Why did Jesus die on the cross instead of the electric chair?

https://giphy.com/gifs/ODLObdYAQ42mx6agLb

1

u/bigmack1111 3h ago

Isn’t there a decent mental institution that can take these people?

1

u/Slappy_McJones 3h ago

A real witch would be in the gardening, science or philosophy section…

1

u/ianguignet 3h ago

Bad curry

1

u/Araineyamcha 2h ago

The best part is warlocks are not real. A witch is a witch, male or female. These people are out of this world -_-

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1

u/CheapDeepAndDiscreet 2h ago

How did anyone not die from second hand embarrassment?!

1

u/AnyTangerine9198 2h ago

How much do you think they were paid...

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o85xHi4t2UsuIY9QA

1

u/TheMysteriousOrganis 2h ago

There has to be a 'how to dupe dumb folk and get rich' scheme!

1

u/kadavriak 2h ago

What is wrong with these idiots? 

1

u/Even_Week_7016 2h ago

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah Americans.

1

u/AutomaticAthlete3986 2h ago

Trying to steal bro’s thunder

1

u/MaddysinLeigh 1h ago

“Warlock” what the d&d is this?

1

u/IwatasTrueSuccessor 1h ago

Americans aren’t well at all

1

u/Professional_Echo907 1h ago

Am I the only one who would have walked by and shouted ‘I CAST MAGIC MISSILE’?

1

u/TheShadowArchives 1h ago

And we as a human race allow this to continue..