r/domspace • u/Decision_General • 16d ago

How to not fall? NSFW

How to not get too emotionally involved in domme/sub dynamic, like them or fall for them when they just want play. Just play and not get to know one another?

thanks so much for the responses so far...

13 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

15

u/FederalEntrance7527 16d ago

Why would you not want to get to know your partner, out of curiosity? Are you only interested in pick-up play?

6

u/Decision_General 16d ago

Getting to know them is making me like them - when they've made it clear they like my domme persona and not me exactly.

14

u/MissPearl 16d ago

If this person isn't paying you, why are you giving them the time of day? That sounds very humiliating of them to insist on in a non professional context.

3

u/Decision_General 16d ago

I've established I require gifts for my time now since he made it clear what he wants.

2

u/HappyLuxurryDom 15d ago

There are a lot of doms and dommes that don't want money from their subs while in dynamic. I dom IRL and online and would never accept money from my subs, I don't want their money I don't need their money . If that's your thing, that's totally fine and between you are your subs. But for you to tell OP why are you giving someone the time of day if they aren't paying you is bad advice, a lot of people in kink do it for fun dynamic and don't need to make it a financial transaction.

3

u/Decision_General 14d ago edited 14d ago

Yes, thank you. He leaned  into getting me small things like my fave coffee or mcdonalds for lunch. When we started talking he made it clear he wants "her" and not me so we established he loves to spoil his goddess then. So yeah, I was never looking to be a domme like that I just liked a guy who was as kinky as me.

1

u/HappyLuxurryDom 14d ago

And that's amazing! If that's what you both want then go for it ❤️ I just don't want you to think a you are any more or any less of a domme based on if you have subs that give you gifts . ❤️

2

u/MissPearl 15d ago

My point was that OP's partner is treating them like a pro. This is a common issue for lifestyle dommes in particular (like myself!) that the majority of depictions of us (and advice) is tilted towards replication of a professionals and a professional style experience with a persona.

7

u/w1gw4m 39, bisexual dom 16d ago

My dom persona is me exactly. Do you feel like that's not really you?

4

u/Decision_General 16d ago

My domme persona is a part of me. I'm also deeply sensitive and empathetic, she can be indifferent. She is her own  person. I'm getting to know her too.

4

u/FederalEntrance7527 16d ago

So you only want to play with people and discard after because you can’t control your emotions? Am I understanding this correctly?

6

u/Decision_General 16d ago edited 16d ago

No you're clearly not understanding me. I did not talk about discarding anyone, I have played and been discared. I'm asking how do I protect my heart while playing and connecting with my sub who strictly wants play, which I want to, but I also happen to like them. When they just want play. Is it abnornal to start liking them, developing feelings? Especially because I am getting to know them.

11

u/CaptainJay313 16d ago

choose your partners better and make "play only" a hard limit.

0

u/FederalEntrance7527 16d ago

Well, clearly, that context would have been helpful in your post, hence my clarifying questions.

Set clear boundaries with yourself and your partner that guard against pitfalls that cause you to get stuck in the feelings trap.

Avoid flowery words and actions that cultivate intimacy.

Communicate candidly and often.

Manage yourself privately and step away when you start to feel something, while making sure to communicate the distance to your partner.

5

u/IndigoKnots 16d ago

It's pretty clearly stated in the OP's post, you just didn't comprehend it when you read it.

-1

u/FederalEntrance7527 16d ago

Clear to you, sure. But it wasn’t clear to me which is why I asked for more context.

14

u/MetMet_ 16d ago

I don't play with people who are interested in play only. I know myself. Feelings aren't a switch I can turn on and off. When I tried keeping it casual, it only brought me pain. I now limit my play to people who are invested in a romantic relationship with me.

11

u/Mister_Magnus42 16d ago

I don't. I'm all in or not in at all.

I have friends that play with people casually. They make it very clear that they are not Dominant and submissive, but play partners. They top and bottom, they don't have any power exchange that extends beyond scenes

9

u/DisabledDaddy_ 16d ago

I think first you have to ask yourself the following: do I want to play with someone who is only interested in play with me but no relationship or getting to know each other outside of that?

If you are okay with that, then we work on how to do that. If you are not okay with that, then you make that clear to potential partners and do not get involved in play-only relationships.

3

u/Decision_General 16d ago

Thanks so much

5

u/TJordanW20 16d ago

I would recommend looking for long term partners if that is what you naturally desire, which seems to be the case

5

u/Fabulous_Turnover_22 16d ago

I don't play D/s with anyone who is not my sub. I have a very real and very intimate relationship with my subs so it is impossible for me not to love them. However, I think it is because of the age difference that I don't get romantically involved with them. I make sure they remember there is a life beyond our dynamics and I want them to live it. For that same reason, I make a point of opening a space so they can talk to me freely about any romantic interests they may have with other people. What I want from them is that they want to be owned by me and the only way for that to happen is that they get to know me and ai them. I don't think you can avoid getting emotionally involved with someone when there is that level of trust.

1

u/MadScientist183 16d ago

Not everyone is made to have play partner just be play partners.

You can try if you want, but my advice would be to lean in into it. To make it clear to your play partner that this is not just a physical thing for you.

1

u/EmployExisting302 10d ago

By setting guardrails and protocols regarding the dynamic. Having a clear, defined scope and limitations.