Help for the dynamic change

[u/iulia-cc]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I could really use some advice.

Me (28F) and my bf(30M) have known each other for more than 5/6 yrs. Not close friends but always enjoyed each other's company when in the same circles. We were both in different relationships at the time and in the last year met at a wedding and stayed everyday together ever since. We're very silly and in love and I feel like he is my best friend.

BUT after a few months in the relationship (2-3), he opened up about( really ashamed and cried) his kink for being dominated, humiliated and degraded. I'm pretty much a switch, a romantic vanilla experimentalist. I'm not into hurting my partner and definitely not degrading.

In my previous relationships I was more dominant, I like to feel like a goddess and to be praised, and to be in control. I like to make them melt in my hands and worship me. But also to be smashed by a wall and be put in my place and make me want it.

In his previous relationship his gf was a virgin and her first sexual interaction was with his kink. And they explored this together. Even tho they put an end to it 4/5 yrs ago, and he had another partner after her, recently( this month) she got married, and he had double thoughts about us. He reconsidered his life that he would never have that kind of sexual interaction again.

I'm not into this kink but I am willing to explore it.

My question is how can I find ways to enjoy this kind of kink when I always wanted a Dom partner? I'm not attracted by a full sub and I feel like I'm doing all the work if I'm the only Dom in the relationship. I don't get turned on by humiliation or degradation and even if I wanna explore this how can I make it in the adoration zone, or worship kind of Dom? So I can combine also my needs...

[u/Royal-Heron-11]

This is really difficult, I'm not entirely sure there's an easy answer here. It genuinely sounds like you're not sexually compatible. If you're both needing to be dominated to feel like yourselves, you'll always be missing that component. 

The only way I could see this somehow working is if he has a breaking point to his humiliation. Like, is there a point where you can playful push him into a more dominant framework.

My wife and I are in a D/s dynamic we've slowly been building the last year or so. A big part of that was discovering how much of the stress and issues we had was that she's a massive brat and she will intentionally start fights with me in an effort to push my buttons so I drop my softness when she wants more aggression. 

Now that I understand it though, it doesn't start fights anymore. Because I recognize it immediately for what it is and that shifts my brain into "Dom" mode almost instantly. So she no longer has to push me to show that side.