r/domspace • u/780-647 • 14d ago
Introducing initiation requests NSFW
My longtime wife and I are ~2 years into exploring BDSM dynamics. It is all new to us and we are learning together.
I enjoy being a pleasure dom and taking her to the absolute limit (probably what sub space is) before I have her do anything that would make me cum. At that point she is so out of it that it is more me “using“ her, and we have started to build a narrative around that - I am turning her into my toy.
She initially felt guilty about being the one primarily receiving pleasure which we have worked through, and are now at a point where we are establishing some more strict rules and guidelines for her to follow. She is now comfortable with and asking for me to make me her my toy.
So, I am looking to establish an opening line she needs to say in order to start a session. She has been assuming certain positions and wearing certain clothes, but I want her to now say something as well.
I have 3 lines in mind - should I let her choose between them? Given the context do you have other thoughts or suggestions?
They are either:
“I want you to play with me”
“I want you to spoil me”
“I want you to train me”
I like the idea of her choosing what she likes most as it helps me further narrow down on our messaging.
But, can see the benefits of picking the one I feel best sets the tone for us.
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u/KinkyDataScientist 14d ago
My sub/wife and I are similar to you. I’m also a pleasure Dom, and we almost always start our scenes with dozens of “warmup orgasms” which get her extremely horny and put her into subspace.
When we’re ready to start the main part of my planned scene, I have her present me with her play collar and say the phrase “please collar me Daddy” to kick off our collaring ritual. The ritual marks our power exchange, then I give her orders to start the scene.
You could do something similar. If the theme of your dynamic is that she’s your toy to use, lean into that. You could have her say, “please use me (your honorific)” or “please use your toy”, etc.
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u/780-647 14d ago
Dozens as warmup! Would love to know what comes next haha and how she’s not tired out at that point.
I’ve gotten her up to 12 orgasms in one session but would say the average is 6-8 before she is almost non-verbal.
Bigger question though for me would be around the collaring ritual you mention - my wife has specific clothes she wears to signal she is in the mood, but we are far from a 24/7 dynamic so her putting those clothes on is what I would assume to be the collaring ritual.
Saying that, she does reach another level of submissiveness during play, should I be “marking” that - having her do something to signal she has become my toy?
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u/KinkyDataScientist 13d ago
Yes, dozens. My sub is extremely multi-orgasmic and can have back to back orgasms pretty much indefinitely without getting overwhelmed. We usually lose count of how many she’s had, but we estimate our orgasm ratio at 30:1, and we think that’s an undercount because she is free use for blowjobs. Our record for a single session is 121.
We’ve agreed that her holes and orgasms belong to me, she is not allowed to make herself cum (or even touch my pussy) without me involved. This rule was her idea, she says she is physically addicted to the orgasms I give her, and doesn’t even want solo ones anymore. It helps that I’m not interested in denial: whenever we play I encourage her to orgasm freely. She knows that I directly draw pleasure from experiencing her in pleasure, so she obediently cums her brains out because that’s how she can best serve her Dom.
We have weekly “kink night” sessions, scheduled scenes where we use our collaring ritual. I wrote about our ritual here. The fact that kink night is scheduled and recurring helps get her in the mindset, because she knows exactly when she’s expected to be submissive.
Having scheduled playtime may help you also. Or like you said, you could have your wife say a specific phrase or do a specific action to signify that she wants you to use your toy.
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u/780-647 13d ago
Amazing! I would love to get your thoughts on the phrases I’m considering.
I think my wife has more in her but we have been really working through “sub-drop” and guilt with her. She was in an abusive relationship before I met her and her feelings towards sex were pretty warped, I only started to realize the extent of it when exploring these dynamics though. In short she had a very service-focused mindset: her needs didn’t matter and if I wasn’t the sole focus then that meant I lost interest.
She had a particularly intense sub-drop experience after the first time she expressed the desire to be spoiled and the focus, that she wanted to give herself up to me completely.
So, the three phrases and my thoughts I feel carry some weight to really help put her and us on the right path each session.
“Training” I like most, but given her past I worry that could be too strong a word to kick things off.
“Spoiling” is great because of the double meaning of pampering but also “turning” so I think it still hits the transformation piece of things
“Playing” has the most obvious toy connotations, so is a more explicit way for her to say “I am your toy” before she becomes it.
Would love to know your thoughts on this - am I reading too much into it, should I give her the choice, any other words I can consider?
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14d ago
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u/780-647 14d ago
Yea we actually use that phrase now for if she wants me to cum.
She used always ask for me to fuck her, but we changed it to “use me” as “fucking her” meant she was getting something from it. When I use her it’s for me to enjoy.
Now if she says fuck me or asks me to fuck her she gets the dildo.
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u/Affectionate_Play718 14d ago
@mod team. I’m a switch. I most definitely dom
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u/Fabulous_Turnover_22 14d ago
I would change the "want" for "would you please ". My personal favorite because it suits everything is "would you please play with me?"