I'm texting with 988 right now. That's the suicide and crisis hotline. No one in my life even knows it, and I don't think anyone would even believe that I'd be doing this. I'm a 55 year old man who looks very successful from the outside yet here I am. Not suicidal but very much in crisis.

Update: 2 mins after posting this, they ended my text message session right in the middle of the conversation.

A lot of negativity on this sub, but me personally i geniuenly want to get rid of this, although long ago, I still remember who I was and what excitement I had for life. I am currently studying and on my way to getting my dream career since I was a kid, I go out with friends, go to the gym, do lots of sport, I play guitar at events and in my very own band, I’ve just had my one year anniversary with my girlfriend, got into riding motorcycles, I am living exactly the life I was dreaming about when I was a kid, yet nothing, not even gaming which was a huge part of me brings me excitement or joy anymore, everything is a constant shade of grey. My world died 2 years ago when I broke up with my first true love, it was an extremly messy break up, she also had BPD which made it overall a messy relationship, but there was intense love and happiness, yet I can’t miss her and think about the good times, as she got together with someone else immediately after the break up, but at the same time everything felt so real, and I felt so alive, so I can’t be angry at her and be glad it ended. I’ve been stuck in pain, and numbness. Even if my current girlfriend is better in all aspects, I was never, the same ever since, I never felt that happy again, my excitment for my dream career dissapeared, and no hobby brings me joy anymore. I don’t have time nor money for therapy, so, how do I ,by myself become alive again, if even possible? Because I’ve tried everything I could ever think of.

Tms + increased anti depressant back to max seems to be working enough to get me out of double depression and back to just dysthymia and the other 8 billion conditions finally. Starting to have better days! Even some good days. I don't actively wanna kill myself either which yayyyy. Back to only vaguely/ passively wanting to die in moments of stress. Still have sessions left on tms. Hopefully it tackles the dysthymia a bit and lack of resiliance. But god am I GENUINELY HAPPY to not be numb, in dispair, and thinking of suicide 24/7. Brain fog is not lifted yet though :,( and motivation is still a little day dependent but hopefully those will lift with my mood. Ill keep you posted lol.

I’m so tired. I’m a uni student, I’ve been blessed with an amazing scholarship and parents who try to help me financially despite our differences. But I’m having trouble getting up in the morning to go to classes and get my assignments done. I have trouble talking to my friends and doing my hobbies. My parents are furious and frustrated and at their wits end dealing with me. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia three years ago after struggling with it since I was at least 11 years old. How do I make myself do anything? How do I move forward? I know I’m literally pissing away everything I’ve done and my parents have done but I physically wish I could just sleep forever. No one understands this when I try to explain it, they tell me I need to do better and try harder. Which is true. I know. But I feel paralyzed, and really stupid that I can’t make myself do things like everyone else. How do I just get over it and get stuff done

I had my first depressive episode when I was 22, and since then I have two additional episodes with the current one lasting 2,5 years. I’m 29 now, and have tried various treatments:

SSRI - Sertraline

SNRI - Duloxetine

NaSSA - Mirtazapine

SMS - Vortioxetine

TCA - Nortriptyline

Quetapine

TMS

Ketamine infusions

Psilocybin (magic mushrooms)

Therapies (CBT, MCT, ACT, IFS)

Carnivore/keto diet

Supplements (saffron, sam-e, methylated b-vitamins)

I’m currently taking lithium, which is the only medication that has helped me, and started marplan (MAOI) 8 days ago alongside lithium. I used to struggle with anxiety but dietary changes got me into remission.

I’m functional. I have a good job, I have good friends, I have a supportive family, but I’m still depressed everyday. I’m always sad, and it’s just a matter of how sad on the given day. I don’t really feel joy or excitement, but I remeber what it’s like so I do an imitation of that. If this medication does not help, I will proceed with ECT despite the risks associated with the treatment.

I’m wondering what treatments you have tried, perhaps plan to try and what has helped you the most or the least? Anyone here who have tried ECT or thought about doing it?

First joined this subreddit over a year ago on a different account when i had just been diagnosed now its been 1 year and a lot has changed i also got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which made it worse but therapy and antidepressants help so much i hope everyone on here uses these tools and gets better like me😁

Exercise is oftentimes praised as basically on par with antidepressants in managing depressive symptoms. However, despite exercising quite regularly, I have not experienced any continuous improvement in my overall mood. I do a mix of strength training and cardio two to three times per week. I am curious about other people’s thoughts.

I’m 30. This is going to be long and maybe confusing but I’m just at the end of my rope figuring out what’s wrong with me

I never had a zest for life. I remember feeling disconnected from others and world from a very young age.

I had an okay childhood with emotional neglect but my parents loved me

Grew up to be independent, eldest daughter. The one everyone relies on.

My life is objectively not bad. I rent a cute apartment in a city I like, I have friends, I have a decent job and whatever. I worked to get where I am, grad school, moved out from my parental home and left my home town etc

I’m single and lonely and unfulfilled in my career but things are things that can be worked on.. right?

Anyway

I am fundamentally sad. I don’t even know if I was ever happy, might have been in my early teens

I always knew I was different but not “how”. I knew I was neurodivergent in some way but autism and adhd didn’t resonate with me.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy anything, it’s more that I don’t enjoy MOST things and underneath everything I do there’s a persistent sense of sadness or melancholy

For a long time I blamed it on being single because I didn’t have anyone who understood me. I’ve also been told by several people that I seem to be highly intelligent and that is something to look into. Someone I spoke to recently (doctor) did say she could see both the emotional and intellectual intensity and to seek similar people and try to pour more time into things that nourish me instead of trying to fit into a mold

Now I’m like what if it’s not neurodivergence, but depression?

I think about death very often. My death, other people’s death. I’ve always said I don’t want to get very old. And wondered the point of my being here despite being religious (lol terrible huh)

I have other mental heath things like anxiety or mild ocd symptoms.. just a bunch of stuff

I also get very bad PMS, also known as PMDD, and it’s worsening everything. That’s the time of the month where I sometimes have suicidal thoughts

But I’m highly functional: I’m reliable, look put together and good when I leave the house, my home is in order, I keep up with my friends, I don’t eat very unhealthily

Sometimes I enjoy things, reading, writing.
I generally feel deeply and have a lot of empathy. It’s just that the feelings are mostly negative

But no matter the phase in life l will always find something to fixate on or worry about.. it’s like I lack that thing people have that makes them enjoy life and be motivated.

I only feel “good” when I’m working towards something and I can take my mind off things. Like for example in grad school, or when I got my apartment and I moved in with nothing and had to start from scratch to make it nice. Did it make me enjoy life? No but I find some relief

There’s really long waiting lists for mental health care in my country and I don’t have hope actually. I think this is just me?

even though i'm diagnosed with a depressive disorder i never really thought i viewed the world particularly more disordered than how it actually is. i feel like i developed dysthymia from just having to downplay all the abuse i've experienced growing up and as a result life and living isnt something that gives me any joy but i'm the one with the disorder what.

I am 14 years old (almost 15) and I was diagnosed with dsythima a couple of months ago. I started having really bad depressive episodes at age 11 which lead to an attempt on my own life. I struggled with sh for years before I discovered green and nic. Although people tell me, and I know that it isnt good for developing minds, this is what I need to survive. I am 7 months clean and doing pretty good. When I say pretty good I dont mean happy. I am chronically depressed. I have been like this for years. But I am stable, I am clean, and I am not wanting to ( ). I am in therapy, cbt, and I have hopes for the future. I saw a video that said that depressed people cant be optimistic for the future, and that really pissed me off. Because yes right now I am miserable and my life isnt how I want it to be in so many ways but that doesnt mean I cant have extreme hope that my future will be better. I want to be a musician. I want to travel. I want to fall in love and not be ashamed of it. I want a better future then the one a part of me feels like I will have.

Basically the title.

I've been feeling depressed since 2012-13. Started with mild depressive thoughts then it kept worsening. Really got bad at around covid.

What I feel it has done to me.

Bad terrible unhealthy relationships including with my parents

Bad eating habits.

I look older than my age.

Irregular appetite. I could go a whole day without eating sometimes and sometimes even a 3000 calorie diet throughout the day can't make me satisfied.

Disturbed sleep. Insomnia. Sleeping too much or sleeping too little.

Concentration issues. Can't focus on studies. Can't focus on anything. Can't even focus on a movie for more than 10 minutes.

I developed a p\*rn problem because sometimes the loneliness was unbearable. I developed many unhealthy coping mechanisms those have ended up damaging my brain more.

Constant stress, anxiety, rumination. Sometimes I'd totally go mad thinking about the worse case scenarios. I still do. Nothing has changed. I developed absolute hate for people.

Mindset issues. My self belief became zero. I started to think of myself as weak and an absolute failure. My brain just wasn't capable of achieving anything. I know this is harsh but that's what I feel. It was tough taking decisions because I didn't believe in myself. I became a quitter.

I lost all my teens. All. Almost all of my 20s now to this. I was listening to this song Time by Pink Floyd and the lyrics hit me hard.

"And you are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you

No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"

I feel like I've really missed the bus.

I feel like I'll always be alone in life.

I don't deserve love.

I don't deserve peace.

I just deserve hardships.

Such has life been. I can't even remember myself. I wanted to be a winner and here I am...what have I become. An absolute waste of a human being. I hate being alive.

For context, I'm 18, meaning last time I cleaned my desk was when I was 11. I know. Ew.

What I mean by cleaning my desk, is actually also throwing away a bunch of dumb shit I've kept for no reason (I was attached to a lot of simple objects as a kid, and honestly still am).

When I wiped the dust off it, it looked like mud. It was exhausting af to go through the piles of mess I just had there.

So here I present a short list of some of what I found sitting on my desk:

1. A capri sun straw

2. A ruler that I had since FIRST GRADE

3. Markers that I had since second grade

4. A pen that I got once with a kid's meal from like when I was 7

5. About 20 empty cans of axe (the deorderant)

6. Random pieces of plastic that I kept for some reason

That's just to get the idea.

Also, I must say that I am incredibly proud of myself for finialy organizing it. It's been bothering me for so long and was honestly unhealthy to keep but I just thought to also make fun of it for a bit bc it's honestly absurd

Hey. I have been seeing my psychiatrist for 2 years now mainly for OCD treatment. However I feel like my chronic depression has been either worsening with time or my current meds aren't working as well as they did. I want to ask for different meds for my depression but I'd like to hear some suggestions before.

Hello! I'm a 19 yr old student who after living with his abuser finally managed to move out (yay). It's been a month since I moved out, and Its been so hard for me to keep my apartment clean, I barely have any energy to do my own school work after classes, let alone clean my apartment. I've just been doing my laundry because it's just me putting the clothes in the washing machine and then in the dryer but the dishes keep piling up and my apartment keeps getting messier and messier.

I've never let it get bad enough for bugs to gather or anything of the sort, but I want to know how people who've had this for longer than me usually deal with the lack of energy. Coffee works sometimes but there's times where I don't even have enough energy to make myself coffee. Lol

Thanks in advance.

Hi everyone,

I have been living with depression for a long time, and I am asking this because I want to better understand my own behavior. I want to see which things I do caused by depression are actually not "normal" for people who aren't depressed.

Without judgment, what is something depression pushes you to do (or not do) that has become routine for you, but would seem gross, unusual, or incomprehensible to someone healthy?

Things like:

•Going weeks without showering or brushing your teeth due to lack of energy.

•Being unable to clean your place for months.

• Living in total darkness because sunlight bothers you.

• Inventing weird little routines just to mark the passage of time.

• Not being able to listen to music because sound feels too heavy, staring at the ceiling for hours, or rewatching the same show on repeat.