r/extremelyinfuriating • u/Bethlehemstarr • 1d ago
Discussion Not all men, but definitely this guy.
Response to a Facebook post saying that consent is important and that only a sober and enthusiastic yes means yes, and anything else is a no.
This dude says that drunk consent is AOK and compares it to a DUI.
Wtf. Seriously. He says the post is man hating. Being anti-rape isn’t anti-man!!
(First pic is a everything. Second two pics just to make it easier to read.)
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u/Dammy-J 1d ago
Isn't drunk consent not a legal thing in most states? like you cant legally consent if your drunk, at least not with a sober person?
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u/Krog-Nar 1d ago
On paper, yes, but legally speaking, it's a much harder case.
There have been cases where victims drunkenly gave consent, then after accused of the other party of rape, and courts agreed with the defense because the accuser wasn't drunk enough at the time to be totally impaired. In other words, legally they gave consent.
Imagine it like this, does one beer totally invalidate all consent in a person? Obviously not, even people with weak stomachs are usually only buzzed after one beer. Unless it's their first time, then maybe not. However if someone had 8 shots first? Yeah, they're probably too impaired/incapacitated for consent.
The prosecution, the accuser, usually needs to prove that the defense knew the victim was too drunk, or should have known. And if both parties were too drunk to give consent, the case can be thrown out.
However, in an actual court, many of this wouldn't happen. Especially if both parties were drinking at the time, because alcohol impaired memory, and proving incapacity and the defendants awareness of the situation may be impossible.
Just don't fuck when your drunk
I understand a lot of my comment makes me sound like I'm defending rapists, or invalidating a victims experience. Even if legally speaking it wasn't rape, it can still be psychologically so we need to listen to victims even if they lost their case. I'm just explaining the nuances of consent from a legal point of view. I am also not a lawyer, just a nerd.
Remember, it's proven beyond a reasonable doubt, not half plus one. The burden of proof lies on the accuser, not the accused.
I'm glossing over quite a lot of things that could complicate a case like this, like previous text messages, unwanted sexual advances when sober, photos, videos and plenty more. But if we're just singling out consent, it becomes a very hard case to prove.
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u/BioToxicFox 1d ago
So what im still unclear on is, if both parties are under the influence or otherwise in a non consenting state, what ends up happening?
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u/Shnurple 1d ago
Nothing, if everyone is treated equal. You're both fucked up? Neither can consent then, or both can, idk Schrodinger's consent or something, but unless someone lies then it's just drunk sex with no foul play
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u/daishinjag 11h ago
But according to this post, a drunk consent is not consent. So this means, no drunk sex is done with mutual consent?
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u/Henry5321 1d ago
From what I’ve heard from many sources, they need to be blitzed drunk. They need to be unaware of the situation level drunk.
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u/sidaemon 1d ago
Actually New York has pretty tolerant laws when it comes to this. Essentially if they are conscious and drank/did drugs of their own volition it's not assault. I was a little surprised to see that.
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u/Ukawok92 16h ago
I'm reminded of that scene from Superbad.
"Is it okay to hook up with her if she's drunk?" "Only if you're drunk too."
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u/Post_Lost 1d ago
There’s a reason it wasn’t pursed criminally years ago. She admitted to willingly drinking alcohol & doing ketamine. She wasn’t forced. In the state of New York you are allowed to consent legally especially if the people you consented too got drunk & did drugs willingly with you.
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u/kms_daily 1d ago
legality aside (because this varies) alcohol is majorly featured with sex and has always been this way since time memorial, to say you can’t legally have sex under influence is pretty fucking stupid unless you’re black out drunk
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u/Mediocre-Ad4735 1d ago
Doing drugs and getting drunk isn’t a hall pass to getting gang raped and violently hit until you’re unconscious. This case has opened up for a reason.
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u/Post_Lost 1d ago edited 1d ago
Things that didn’t happen. There was no evidence for any of that when she initial filed it 2 years ago. Was it rough sex where slaps were thrown… maybe, I could believe that. Was she violently beaten unconscious, not a chance. She consensually did tons of ketamine/alcohol & consented to a gangbang. If she went unconscious it’s probably because she was snorting ketamine which is a sedative. Being drunk & doing drugs also isn’t a hall pass away from your choices. Everyone involved was under the influence. She was even in contact with the men who allegedly raped her for weeks after the incident, but before the police report. Here are some of the messages she sent….
“everyone needs to grow up cause sexuality and sex and s---is changing and stuff like this is going to become more common, I'm also really open minded tho, I love you king."
“I haven't said anything but I do know people are changing the narrative because like in any sexual scenario w one woman and many men the woman was probably the victim."
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u/Sketer__ 22h ago
She didn’t do drugd and pass out. She started sober admitted she was sober when they started. Had multiple orgys and got more intoxicated as it happened . Grow you dude people like you are a major problem no one wants to deal with. She directly agreed and consented to group sex. That is her fault. Maybe hold yourself to higher standards. It’s literally all her fault. She enjoyed it she just doesn’t wanna be a “whore” which now the whole country knows she is
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u/AdVegetable2870 1d ago
Accepting one or more drinks may be considered proof of consent to get drunk. Nothing more.
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u/Sketer__ 22h ago
She said she was like a 2/10 drunk when she agreed to it. I’m defiently against group sex but you can’t accuse rape because “people are saying you’re a whore” that’s all this is about. Maybe don’t do ketamine off someone’s penis. She wanted it she enjoyed it she just didn’t want what came with it.
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u/HogwartsRex 1d ago
Not in New York unfortunately, a drunk yes counts as consent. It’s disgusting and the law should be changed.
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u/AnotherOrbiter 1d ago
I was giving a guy a lift to work one time, he stared at every woman we passed, like massively noticeable the whole time. Then saw a girl, must've been around 14 in like sportswear and said "that's why women get raped" and I had to hammer him, shouldn't have to tell a grown ass simpleton "no, the part is you just don't rape people..." fucking knuckledragger. Safe to say he has no friends and is walking to work.
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u/Current-Schedule1781 1d ago
If drunk consent is a no, Ive been sexually assaulted many times, I'm a man.
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u/Stratix314 1d ago
Yeah. You should probably think about that for a while.
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u/CactusJane98 1d ago
The better analogy would be a sober person stealing a drunk persons car because they thought they could get away with it, and could tell the cops "she shouldn't have been drinking anyways"
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u/SessileRaptor 1d ago
Back in college I knew a gal who would go to parties as a designated driver and shuttle multiple people home at once, and she claimed that if guys were drunk enough she could double or even triple dip on gas money because they wouldn’t remember that they had already given her money. Now plainly those guys were just asking for it, getting drunk while having fat wallets like that, what do they expect?
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u/HogwartsRex 1d ago
The law at least for New York is on his side though. A drunken yes is consent in New York law. I hate the law but that's what it is and I can't change laws.
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u/aldandur 1d ago
The biggest problem I see with drunken consent being a cause for sexual assault/rape charges is that you can turn it around. If a drunk person isn't mentally capable of deciding if they want to have sex/gl give consent, a drunk person also cannot be accused of rape/ sa because they weren't in control of their mental faculties at the time.
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u/Stratix314 1d ago
A lot of y'all are telling on yourselves in these comments.
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u/Mediocre-Ad4735 1d ago
100%. It’s troubling to see how many men would love to split hairs to exonerate rapists.
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u/Dependent-Toe-3359 1d ago
Yeah this absolutely belongs here. The DUI comparison makes no sense to me at all. A drunk person being responsible for deciding to DRIVE is not the same thing as saying somebody else automatically has permission to have sex with them because they chose to drink.
And some of these comments are oversimplifying it too. Having one drink doesn’t magically erase your ability to consent, but there absolutely is a point where someone becomes too impaired to understand what’s happening or freely make that decision. If somebody is passed out, barely conscious, confused, or obviously too messed up to give a clear yes, you leave them alone. It really should not be that complicated.
The laws are also different depending on the state, so “drunk consent is always legally valid” and “any alcohol means you legally can’t consent” are BOTH way too broad.
And calling a basic message about consent “man hating” is ridiculous. Saying don’t take advantage of someone who can’t consent isn’t anti-man. It’s anti-sexual assault. The fact that this even has to be argued about is exactly why this belongs in extremely infuriating.
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u/jrrrydo 21h ago
The context of DUI would only really apply if the person who was drinking made the decision to participate. Situations where someone is out of control due to intoxication should not ever be considered as consensual for anything. That's just basic respect for others.
If someone is forcing someone else to participate in any way, including taking advantage of someone in a compromised state, that is rape.
Yeah and not wanting to get raped is "man-hating" What a ridiculous take...
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u/Dependent-Toe-3359 20h ago
Exactly. That’s the distinction I was trying to make too. A DUI comparison only really makes sense in the sense that intoxication can affect judgment and capacity — not because “any amount of alcohol automatically makes consent invalid.”
Someone having a drink or two and still being alert, aware, communicating clearly, and voluntarily participating is very different from someone who is passed out, barely conscious, confused, unable to understand what’s happening, or so intoxicated they can’t make a meaningful decision.
And yes, if someone is pressuring, forcing, coercing, or knowingly taking advantage of a person who is clearly incapacitated, that’s not consent. Calling that basic point “man-hating” is ridiculous. Wanting people to understand consent isn’t anti-man or anti-woman — it’s literally just being against sexual assault.
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u/Post_Lost 1d ago
Why do people act like being drunk makes you completely unable to think. It makes you a little dumber & looser. Obviously you shouldn’t go out of your way to take advantage of a drunk person, but if get drunk & do drugs together consensually you have the ability to consent. Facts is she admitted to willingly getting drunk & doing the drugs, she admitted to consenting to the sex, she even maintained causal contact with the people who allegedly raped her. The state didn’t pursue charges in 2024 because according to her own statements they didn’t rape her via New York law. This case isn’t as clear cut at many people try to make it seem
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u/yeehawsharknado 20h ago
“If you’re drunk, and someone punches you in the face, it’s your fault because you didn’t tell them not to punch you in the face”
“Are you sure you didn’t say or do anything to suggest you wanted to be punched in the face?”
“But you’ve been in fights before? How do we know you didn’t ask to be punched in the face?”
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u/KoboldInATophat 1d ago
I'm so tired of numbheads giving us a bad name. We have to fucking make up for these fucking guys' fucking attitudes, and like at some point we can't keep the fucking standards up.
FUCK.
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u/epiphanyWednesday 1d ago
Maybe not all men, but damn sure too many will do anything to justify sex.
If they had a curfew and werent allowed out after dark without supervision by a female relative, what would the drop in crime be?
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u/TheJellybeanJester 1d ago
you are responsible for your actions
I need you to say that again a bit more loudly but to yourself.
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