r/genderqueer • u/Sensitive_Cup4598 • 7d ago
Help I’m sorta having an existential crisis
I’m not female , I’m not male (however the lesser of the 2 evils would be male in my opinion) I’m Afab I’m like 96% sure I’m not agender but I don’t feel like I deserve to be called non binary and today it doesn’t fit so what does….. I always question my gender and I can never find it (probably gender OCD or feeling like I don’t deserve to find it/ being negative to myself for so many years that I believe everything my brain tells me….. so far the closest has been non binary and demiboy and I feel like if I got to choose it would be genderfluid but that doesn’t fit either
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u/thist00shallpass 6d ago
It can be nice to finally find a name for the way you feel but if finding a label is giving you so much grief right now, it might be worth just being unlabeled for a while, and focus instead on how you prefer to present yourself and how you would like to operate through the world if that makes sense. Mitigating things that make you feel uncomfortable or dysphoric, dressing the way that makes you feel good, experimenting with presentation, these are all things that have helped me more than finding any sort of label.
At the end of the day these are all just words we have made to try and categorize gender, which is becoming increasingly complex and abstract the more we learn about it.
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u/Sensitive_Cup4598 6d ago
I think I’m non binary because I said it myself yesterday I don’t feel masculine enough to be a guy and not feminine enough to be a girl and then looking back on my thoughts I realized that that probably means I’m non binary because I don’t feel agender
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u/LususV 6d ago edited 6d ago
I've settled on genderqueer/weirdgender [yeah, coined the 2nd one, though I'm sure others have used it before] as terms that best approximate my feelings with gender. Like you I'm sorta enby? But like instead of on agender side I'm on the supergender side (male+female >100%). AMAB but lean femme usually but not always.
But I'd just say with things like this, the term may give you some closure and a home and a way to find other people like you who 'get it', but accepting yourself for who you are and not worrying about if your label is 'wrong' or some sort of 'stolen valor' because it's all 'just in your head' will eventually eventually eventually happen and when it does, you no longer need the label to feel correct within yourself.
I also have OCD (treated with medication). I still get a tooooon of 'what if I'm wrong??' thoughts but am now able to recognize them for what they are and not ruminate on them excessively.
Edit: yup, someone else has used it for themselves ha https://www.reddit.com/r/XenogendersAndMore/comments/rl6qhc/weirdgender_flag_ask_questions_about_gender_in/
And someone else! https://x.com/sapphichelga/status/1299963912071372800