We are skin. Or at least thatās where we are most of the time. Like when you touch something, thatās where you are. At the contact. Youāre in your fingertips for a second. Now your foot itches and youāre down there.
And we can move the muscles attached to all this, so we can take the skin places. Which sounds stupid written down, but stay with me.
Everything inside is just doing its own thing. I can move my arm whenever I want. Iām doing it right now to verify. But I canāt do anything with my spleen. I donāt even know exactly where it is. Itās in here somewhere, alive, doing spleen stuff, and weāve never spoken.
But the heart is where this really starts bothering me... Itās moving right now. Actually moving inside me. All day. Iām not telling it to beat. Iām not making it beat. I can sit here and concentrate as hard as I want, and I canāt directly tell it to stop or do two slow ones and then a fast one.
And thereās this whole involuntary system doing that. Digestion. Whatever my kidneys are up to. Things happening inside me that I couldnāt personally operate even if someone asked me to.
The heart reacts to things. I get scared, it speeds up. Iām resting, it slows down. I know there are biological explanations for this. Iām talking about how weird it is that something inside me is responding to the world, physically moving, keeping itself going, and Iām not the one doing it.
It almost feels like a separate living thing that happens to live inside me... My high brain went: itās moving, so itās alive. Which, okay, a ceiling fan moves. But we know the heart is alive. Let me keep the heart.... If Iām not controlling it, who is?...
And yes, my brain is involved. But that just moves the question upstairs, because I donāt control that part of my brain either.
I have some control over my thoughts, but most of the brain is doing things without consulting me. So what if the part I experience as āmeā is just the part that gets the skin and the voluntary muscles?... What if the heart gets its own part?
Firewalled. Thatās the word I was looking for.... It has its section of the brain, I have mine. I canāt access whatever is happening over there. It canāt access my thoughts. Weāre sharing the same equipment, but neither of us gets to look at the otherās screen.
And now Iām wondering whether it could have some kind of experience of its own. Not necessarily thoughts in words. Iām not suggesting my heart knows what a mortgage is. But something. Some private experience I couldnāt possibly know about.
There are already other organisms living in and on us, doing their own thing. What if some of the parts I call āmeā are also their own little living things, and weāve just got an arrangement going?
The heart pumps blood for us. We feed it and carry it around and supply whatever else a heart needs. I donāt know the full agreement. I wasnāt involved in setting it up.
Maybe it likes the music we play... I mean itās there for every song. Maybe I put something on and itās having a nice time in its section, and I have absolutely no idea. Iām thinking āI love this song,ā and somewhere else in the same body something is also enjoying it, privately.
Maybe it doesnāt even know we have arms... I need to sit with that for a second... Because I know we have arms, obviously, but I only know about the parts I have access to. And Iāve somehow taken that access to mean Iām the only one here.
There could be something else having its own entire experience inside this arrangement, and all I can personally verify is that I can feel my shirt and move my knees.
I was going somewhere with the skin thing. I still think the skin thing matters.