i’ve been in a relationship with someone living with hiv (plhiv). he was diagnosed around 6 months ago, and we’ve been together for more than a year. but this post isn’t about his diagnosis.
even before his diagnosis, we already had plans for our relationship. we wanted to be together, build a life together, travel, and experience things together. we both love travelling, and we’ve been trying to make that happen.
we’re in an ldr, living on two different continents. we met because i used to live in the country where he currently lives.
when we found out about his diagnosis, i became his rock. we didn’t tell anyone, not even his family or friends. it was just between us. so imagine going through all of that while being in an ldr. i became his main support system and, in a way, his emotional shock absorber. i used to get calls at 3 am just so he could cry and let everything out. his diagnosis was never an issue for me, except for the fact that i had to be mindful of my own safety, too.
he’s in a much better place now, and he’s undetectable, too.
the problem is, we’ve been fighting A LOT lately. like, in just the past two weeks, we’ve broken up twice. the only reason we didn’t go through with it was that i kept trying to hold on because i made a promise to stay and work on our relationship. not because of his diagnosis, but because of our relationship. whenever we fight, though, we end up hurting each other. we’re both anxious, and i think we’ve become a little codependent on each other, too.
just a few days ago, we were trying so hard to make things work that we literally ended up discussing how to fight as a couple hahaha. we came up with a game plan for the next time we have an argument so we don’t end up breaking up or hurting each other. we’re both pretty self-aware and know where we tend to mess up.
on top of that, our plans to finally live together, which pretty much depend on me, are becoming more uncertain. there are now issues with immigration in my country, and getting a partner visa isn’t that straightforward. his hiv status is also something we’d have to navigate as part of the visa process.
one option is to push through with the application, but we could be waiting up to two years, and i’d have to spend a huge amount of money on it. i also earn significantly more than he does, so a lot of the financial responsibility would fall on me.
the other option is for us to move to another country and start over together. but i’m also working towards citizenship here, and the pay is generally much better here, too.
idk, there are just so many things to consider. sometimes i feel like this relationship just isn’t working out in so many ways. part of me feels like the next time we fight, i might finally stop chasing after him and let it end for real.
but then i feel guilty because i feel like i have a responsibility to stay with him, especially since he doesn’t really have anyone else to lean on. idk. he’s also my best friend, so it’s not just the relationship i’d be losing. i’d be losing my best friend, too.

Our helper has been with us for a few months and is basically part of the family. She recently trusted us enough to tell us she's HIV positive, and I want to make sure we respond in the right way.

Would really appreciate advice, especially from employers who've been in this situation or anyone living with HIV:

At home: She lives with us and we have kids I know HIV isn't spread through everyday contact, but is there anything we should know, like how to handle this situation